My Version of Mockingjay
by teacherannie
Summary: My version of how I wished the story plot would have gone. A story for my children to read. A tale of courage in the face of evil, of strength in the midst of agony, and hope found in the frailty of human flesh.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:This is my attempt at re-writing Mockingjay, with the plot and character development that I wished I would have read! More importantly, a story ending that I wanted my children to read. A tale of courage in the face of evil, of strength in midst of agony, and of hope in the frailty of human flesh. Of course, this story is most definitely not owned by me and I give all praise and high honor to Suzanne Collins who is the author and owner of these characters. And, I thank her for bringing writing assignments back into my daily routine of life. **

**Disclaimer: I, again, do not own The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, or Mockingjay. That priveledge belongs to Suzanne Collins. **

**Part I. Darkness**

Chapter 1

_I'm swimming in darkness. This darkness that seems to be all around me. It's not measured in time. Minutes, hours, days.. They mean nothing here. Time is motionless. And, although you would think it would bring peace, it does not. Only loneliness. Emptiness. A heaviness that sinks me to the farthest depths of this ocean of darkness. And, my only thoughts are those of wishing this ocean would carry me off somewhere. Anywhere but here. Where the black engulfs me. _

_There are moments when I feel the pull of something. A voice, maybe? But, the heaviness is too much. I can't seem to will it to go away. I try to reach toward it, but I just don't have the strength. Or, maybe I just don't have the will to care anymore. And the darkness beckons to me once more._

"_Katniss!" The voice is whispering to me. I know that voice... _

_But, even before the heaviness starts to lift, I sense something different. A smell. _

_It comes to me swiftly. A smell of spring. The blossoms opening for the first time after the long winter. The damp woods after a morning shower. The rich smell of brown earth, not unlike that of the decaying leaves on the forest floor. A smell of home._

_Home. How wonderful it would be to go back home, to the woods. The meadow._

My darkness is lightening. Now, a new sense comes to me. I can feel my arms, my legs. They are so heavy. It feels like I have a thousand pounds of sand poured on top of them. But, oh... that smell. If only I could get this weight off me! I am trying now, trying to swim up out of this hole. I'm almost there, I can feel my eyelids trying to pry themselves open.

"Katniss," the voice whispers to me, "You're safe. I'm right here. Just try to wake up for us, okay?"

"Hmpffff..." I groan. I'm trying, can't they tell? It's just that I'm so tired. Why can't they take the weight off me? That would surely help. Maybe they can't. Maybe I'm weighted down on purpose. That must be it. I must've gone mad, and they've weighted me down so that I can't hurt anyone else.

Hurt. Murder. Yes, that's it. I remember now. District 12 is no more. It's been reduced to a pile of ashes. My fault. In my feeble attempt to save people, I've done nothing but kill more of them. The Capitol has won. People hate me. They blame me for the taking of so many innocent lives.

"No!" I manage to squeak out.

Why is my voice so scratchy sounding? Was that even my voice? Please, just leave me alone. Let me retreat to the darkness. At least it was quiet there. Devoid of any voices, smells, sounds. No memories can reach me there in that dark pit. I need to go back there. That's where I'm safe.

"Katniss!" It's more forceful now. That voice. I know that voice...

Against my best judgement, I feel myself swimming upwards again. This time it comes a little easier. I think I'm almost to the surface, breaking through that sea of dark... Yes, there is the light. I can sense it. I'm almost there.

My eyelids start to flutter. It's too bright. My eyes have been in darkness for too long, and it hurts when I try to embrace the light. But, before I can worry about my eyes adjusting, there is another sense to deal with. Something rough, like gravel, is rubbing against my cheek. It's wet. And, even in the state my senses are in, it's impossible not to recognize the stench of that breath.

"Buttercup" I say weakly. The cat that seems to defy me at every chance. I can just imagine he has a big grin spread across that ugly, scrunched up face of his. I hear soft laughter now to the right of me. That laughter can only belong to one person. Prim.

My eyelids flash open and for a brief second I see only the face of everything left that is good in this world. My little sister Prim. And a feeling of joy and happiness rises up in my chest. A feeling that has been unreachable for me for so long.

"Hey sleepyhead," Prim says with a touch of concern in her voice. I can immediately sense that she has been worried about me.

"Hey, Catnip" I hear a deep voice whisper from behind her. His voice sounds so soft, like the rustle of leaves in the spring breeze. And my heart lightens a little more. Gale. My dear friend Gale is here. Of course he is. He's probably been here the whole time I've been swimming in my darkness. And I instantly feel guilt.

The tears start streaming out of my eyes before I even have time to realize they've betrayed me. They make my eyes sting, but the tears don't stop. If anything, they've picked up in intensity and my whole body is starting to shake now. I need to try and get myself together before I entirely lose it. But, the harder I try, the more I can't control it. I'm openly sobbing now, my feelings are rushing back to me with such force that I can't seem to catch my breath. My lungs are heaving to get more air, but my nose is running so fierce now that I can't get any air through it. And, unfortunately, I hear myself let out a big snort as my throat catches on the snot that has now managed to block any passage of air into my body.

"Katniss, it's okay," Prim says, cradling me into her arms and giving me warm kisses on top of my head. Just like how I used to do for her when she was scared. "You're okay. We love you. You are safe. It's going to be all right." I want to believe her. My brain is telling me to just believe that everything is going to be okay. But, my heart tells me that nothing is going to be the same anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Again, sorry for posting, then re-posting, then re-posting again. First time I've ever done this fanfiction stuff, and I'm horribly new at it. **

Chapter 2

I know that I'm in bad shape when I'm happy to see Buttercup. The ugliest cat in District 12 who has secured my sister's heart for himself. Just looking at him now, cradled in her arms, makes me disgusted and I sneer at him. He gives me a flicker of recognition in his green eyes and I can tell that he's just as confused as I am.

"We smeared a piece of liver on your cheek," Gale proudly beams to me.

"You what?" I have no idea what he is talking about. "Liver?"

"You know, so that the prince could wake Sleeping Beauty from her sleep," Gale smirks. " I tried to do it myself, but I didn't have much luck. Seems you have more affection for Buttercup these days than you do me."

I inwardly groan to myself. Honestly. I've only been awake for 60 seconds before I have to hear this garble about affections? Sleeping Beauty, how charming. Now he's put me up into the category of fable and folklore. Those dreamy, childish stories that our parents read to us when we were babies before our eyelids closed at night. How innocent we were back then. How much I would long for some of those happy endings to be real. But, not here. Not in Panem. Not while Snow is alive anyway. And the reality of my situation, _our _situation, comes crashing in on me. I seem to be finding myself short of breath again.

"Hey, hey! I was just teasing you Katniss," but I know that Gale is already wishing he could take those words back. I'm such a lousy friend, I have no idea why he would even want me as a love interest. Obviously, I'm no good at it. In fact, I'm dangerous to be too close to.

Peeta is a good example of that. He almost died in the cave and then still lost his leg due to my tourniquet. I managed to get us both out of that arena alive, only to face going back in again. We had to stage a romance on camera that broke Peeta's heart and made my mind turn to mush because I simply couldn't handle the emotions that swirled around inside of me. The heat that raked through my body when he touched me. Kissed me. But, that sure as heck didn't end very good, did it? That last night we had together, on the beach, was as confusing to me as it was exhilarating. But, the story was supposed to end with Peeta here, not me. I couldn't even do that right. And now, these emotions that Peeta stirred up are planted deeper into my being than ever before. Still, I can't seem to be able to explain it to myself, let alone voice it to anyone around me.

"I know," I croak out to Gale. He is my friend. My closest friend. Why am I treating him this way? Of anyone, he should be the easiest to talk to. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Ummm...," he starts to stall, his eyes are darting from me to Prim. I can tell that this is perhaps a subject I'm not supposed to be asking about. I try to squeeze my face together in a scowl the best I can, to let him know that I don't want to be lied to. "Maybe 7 or 8 days?," he finally spits out. Wow. A whole week gone by without any recollection. Johanna Mason hit me pretty good in the arena. Between that and my refusal to live anymore, time has flown by.

"I need to get up. I need to get out of here." Then, it dawns on me, that I don't even know where I really am. District 13. Haymitch made mention of it to me on the hovercraft. We were headed there. Well, it shouldn't be too hard for me to find my way around. How big can this place even be? I am slowly piecing this together in my mind as I swing my legs to the side of the bed.

"Katniss, wait..." I hear Prim trying to scurry around the bed, to stop me from getting out. But she's a few seconds too late. My body slams against the very sterile looking white tiles. What happened to my legs? Why weren't they there to catch me?

"Katniss! You've been in bed for days! You're weak. You're not ready to go out and join the rebellion. You're not even ready to walk down the hall yet. You need to stay here, in the medical ward, for just a little longer. Somewhere where we can keep an eye on you." My little sister Prim is giving me the business. I can hardly believe it. When did she ever have anything but pure goodness in her? This spunk. This _attitude. _I'm afraid that I've yet ruined another good and perfect thing and tears start to spring to my eyes again. I'm a complete mess. I need to pull myself together quick.

Gale starts to help me up. But, in the few short seconds that have just transpired, I've made up my mind that this crying has got to stop. I need to get my mind straight about things again. And I need to show everyone around me that I am capable of taking care of myself. Because the last thing I need is for more people to decide how my life should be dictated. I push him away. "No. I can do it," I say in a voice that has maybe a little too much force behind it.

"Okay. You can do it. I just was trying to help." Oh, I've done it again. I'm pushing Gale away and it's true, he was just trying to help me. " I need to get going anyway," he sighs. " There is a command meeting in President Coin's office today and I've been asked to be there to represent District 12." Command meeting? Gale?

Of course, I should have put this together when I asked him about Prim and my mother and he said he got them out in time. It would make sense, Gale being a hero. I can just imagine him carrying people out of burning homes. Using his body to shield them against the heat of the firebombs. He would make the perfect soldier for the rebellion. Especially since he was already harboring angry thoughts against the Capitol. And, suddenly, I find myself suddenly intrigued with the rebels cause. Didn't Haymitch tell me that most of the Districts were already in full-scale rebellion? There must be some small victories somewhere, especially if President Coin is calling a command meeting. They must be pushing forward. And the more they push forward, the closer they get to the Capitol. To Peeta. There has to be a chance he's still alive.

My mind clicks into overdrive. "Gale," I start to say in a frantic voice. Calm yourself down, I think. _Keep calm. _"Do you think there would be any way that I could come with you? You know, since they rescued me to be their little pet bird, it would be a shame for them not to see me awake now, don't you think?" I try to keep the sarcasm under control, but I know I've failed the second the words slipped out of my mouth. And, the last person in this world I'm going to trick is Gale. He knows my thoughts like no other person in the whole country of Panem.

"Listen, Katniss, about that..." He's stammering again. I see a look of panic come across his face, his eyes start to dart between Prim and I, much like a rabbit in the woods who knows it's only seconds away from death. "I'm not sure that's the greatest idea. You did just wake up. You're weak. Look, you even fell out of bed." He makes that last comment come out with a kind of squeak and it annoys me. I squish my face up again to let him know I mean business. Gale understands and he doesn't try to fight. "Okay," he says as another big sigh slips out of his mouth. "Let's go. But you need to sit in a wheelchair. I'm not going to have you embarrass me in front of command officials by falling on the floor again." He lets out a soft chuckle and this time I can't help but laugh a little myself. I can be hard to live with, I know it.

I give his hand a soft squeeze and look straight into his eyes as he helps me into the dilapidated looking wheelchair that Prim has swiftly brought to my bedside. "Thank you," I tell him. And I mean it from the deepest part of my being. If I can start to get my mind in focus again, if I can bring myself up to speed on the situation between the rebels and the capitol forces, then I still have a chance to somehow rescue Peeta. The chance to at least try and right all of my wrongs. And, if I die trying, so be it. I've resolved to die a long time ago.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Gale effortlessly tucks me into the sorry looking wheelchair. I wonder to myself what the rest of the place must look like if this is the best wheelchair they can manage to provide. Prim is kneeling in front of me now, trying to secure the white hospital blanket around my legs as tight as possible. I am guessing she's trying to restrain me as best she can so that my escape from this rusty chariot won't be easy. I don't argue though. The blanket provides another layer of warmth that is welcoming to me, especially since I only have on a flimsy hospital gown. Strangely enough, it's white too.

Prim must have seen the look on my face, or is better at reading minds than I've given her credit for. "I'm sorry for the old wheelchair. Right now it's the only spare one we have. The motorized ones have already been taken. There was quite a need, you know, after..." She doesn't need to finish the sentence. I know what she's talking about. The bombing of District 12.

I feel my cheeks get hot and I look down at my hands, which won't seem to stop fidgeting in my lap. "Oh, right." I say. When did I become so concerned about what the conditions around me looked like anyway? Or, for that matter, about the quality of a stupid wheelchair. After all, everything back in District 12 was gray and filthy. If I had a choice, I think I'd choose grime over sterile white any day.

I look around me now. The walls are white, the ceilings are white, I already know the floor is white... The hospital staff are even dressed in white starched uniforms. I hadn't noticed them before, they blended in with the sea of white around me. There are quite a few of them, buzzing around the patients, reading charts, bringing people medicine, checking machines that blink and whir. And then I also realize, it's amazingly quiet in here for the amount of people in this room.

I notice a small old man in a corner bed across the room from me, sitting up in his bed with a nurse spoon feeding him something from a white bowl. His eyes meet with mine and I know that face. Beetee, the victor from District 3. He looks much better than he did when I last saw him, straight from being pulled out of the arena. He was hooked up to a band of beeping machines then, but now I don't see a single thing attached to him. Remarkable improvement. He even looks a bit more youthful than I remember, although I'm sure my memory is a bit sketchy at this point. No, there is something different about him. _Glasses_. He used to wear glasses with thick lenses that would continually slip down his nose so that he always seemed to be looking up at you through the bottom of them. He doesn't have them on now, and he looks less like a bug and more like a human. I wonder if this hospital ward in District 13 is anything compared to the what the Capitol has? I give him a small wave of recognition and he smiles back to me.

I turn back to look at Prim now and notice how pure she seems in her white, starched hospital uniform. "So, you joined the ranks of doctor's and nurses?" I muse. Of course she could, her and my mother were the healers back home. They were the only people who could provide relief to the hurt and dying, but they certainly didn't have this type of equipment to work with.

Prim looks at me and smiles. "Yes. I guess I have." Not a small feat considering she's still a young girl. "I'm cleared to be a nurse here, and in a few years I will be able to start classes to become a doctor. The hospital staff has already asked me to." Again, I'm not surprised. If Prim could nurse a dying goat back to glorious health, what couldn't she do for humans? "Mother has also been cleared to be a nurse, but they treat her more like a doctor." I believe that as well, but it doesn't come to me with warm, fuzzy thoughts. My relationship with my mom hasn't been very good for a long time. I have a hard time not feeling angry that she can care for complete strangers who are on death's door, yet wasn't capable of taking care of her own children who were slowly starving to death in front of her. "She's a different person now Katniss. You should try to talk to her. She worries for you just as much, if not more, than anyone."

I really would like to believe that, but it just seems so unreal to me. So, instead of the answer I know Prim was hoping for, I say, "Well. She's had plenty of time to talk to me before now. She is the adult after all." Hurtful words just spilled out of my mouth, but I meant them. There are quite a few more vile, hateful things that are on the tip of my tongue, but I don't say them now. Not here. I feel okay letting them rattle around inside of my head, but I am also just sane enough to realize that now is not the time, or the place.

"Alright, Katniss. Ready to roll?" Gale says, with a push of my chair. "See you later Prim."

And, just like that, we're rolling down the hospital ward, through the big double doors into a cold, stony hallway. I've forgotten that we're underground. With the brightness of the hospital ward, I hadn't realized that we were thousands of feet under the ground. Until now, and I look down at my hands, which have started to tremble in my lap.

"You gonna be okay?" Gale must have noticed my instant change in mood from being angry to scared out of my wits.

"Yeah. Fine."Just fine, I echo in my head_. _I'll be great until the walls start crashing in on top of us in this underworld. We don't even bury our dead as deep as this habitation is. "How many miles under ground are we again?" I remember, in between my bouts of consciousness and unconsciousness, the mention of this District 13 being underground. A city formed in the remnants of the old mine tunnels here. A mine that kept them supplied with materials necessary to develop nuclear weapons.

"Katniss." Gale has a tender tone to his voice now, "Are you scared of being so far underground?" I instantly get defensive and think no... I'm not scared. Although I know the truth. I'm scared _out of my mind _to be so far under the earth, in a place that could close in on you at any moment. I'm still thinking about this and I forget to answer him. "We're about five miles down. Although it doesn't really seem like it. They've done a great job here making things appear normal and trying to keep the air clean and fresh." I guess Gale probably is more appreciative of this fact than I am. After all, he was working in the coal mines before we came here.

"I just... I just forgot that we were underground is all. The hospital ward seemed so bright." It was bright in there. I wonder if that was because of all the white. "And then, when we came out into this hallway, and I saw the stone walls..." My voice trails off again. I'm lost in thoughts of my father, trapped under the earth while it exploded into a million pieces.

"Well, the hallways are about the only thing here that still have this look. I forgot that you haven't had a tour of this place yet." Now Gale has a laugh back in his voice, "You'll be shocked to see how big this place is. And how much it doesn't resemble a mine." I hope he's right. Because, if I have to spend too much time looking at these stone walls, whatever is left of the courage I still have in me will be completely drained from my body.

We round a corner in the hallway and Gale pushes a button in the wall. A sleek metal door slides open and he pushes me inside. It reminds me of the elevators in the Capitol. Gale punches another button once we're both settled inside the box and it whizzes us away. Sideways. This is new to me, since the only elevators I've ever ridden in only went up and down. I see Gale smiling at me, with a twinkle in his eye. "I bet you didn't expect something like this, huh?" he says, poking my ribs with his finger, still with the cheesy grin on his face.

"Well, uh, no. I didn't. All the elevators I've ever ridden on only went up and down." I say this frankly. I'm further intrigued with this District 13. "Do they all go sideways?" I ask.

"No, just some of them. There is a whole elaborate framework to these elevators and hallways. Even some old secret tunnels that some of the residents here have told me about. No point in using those nowadays though. Not when you can get to your destination so quickly in one of these." He's tapping on the shiny metal box we're in. I'm beginning to feel glad that I didn't try to escape the confines of the hospital ward on my own.

I wonder just how big this place is. And, how did they get it all built without the Capitol's help? Our little District was so poor, we had a hard time just simply surviving. And, that was with supposed help from our government. This structure has surely been in place for longer than 75 years. "Gale, do you know how old these tunnels are? How did the rebellion manage to build such a big place underground without the Capitol knowing?"

"Well," Gale starts, his brow starting to knit. I had forgotten how he does that when he's trying to think about his answer. When we first starting hunting together, we would have to figure out how to divide the spoil equally. Gale was always the one to divide it, and he was always more than fair to me. If there was ever anything small leftover in our trading, he would knit up his brow and tell me to take it home. That I had earned it. At first I started to argue with him, but after a while I just let him do it. That was a sign of kindness from Gale to me, and I learned to humbly accept it. Gale has always been more than kind to me, and never asked for anything in return. Not until recently, when I became aware of his feelings for me. But, even then, it wasn't forced. It was just revealed in a soft, loving way. It's not hard to notice how handsome he is, how his body is beginning to resemble more of a man than a boy.

I haven't been listening to his conversation at all, and I realize that he's stopped talking. Gale is looking at me now, with a puzzled expression on his face. "Katniss. Did you want an answer or do you just want to stare at me?"

My face explodes in hotness. But, the truth is, I am fairly content in just staring at him. If only things weren't so complicated between us. His eyes are searching mine now, expecting an answer. "I, ah..." Why is it always so hard for me to speak? Those eyes, so familiar to my own. There is a comfort there, one of friendship and trust. Maybe I should just be honest with him and tell him exactly what I was thinking, word for word. I take his hand in mine, feeling the rough calluses on his fingers from the work in the mines. His hands are warm and familiar. "I was thinking that you've always been a friend to me. And I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for caring about me and my family." That still didn't come out the way I wanted it to.

"Oh. It's just the way you were looking at me..." Gale says, turning away from me. I can tell that he was maybe expecting more than a confession of friendship. I know that I owe Gale more than this, but my thoughts come to me all jumbled up. How can I move on, in a relationship with Gale, when I've left Peeta to die at the hands of the capitol? I know that Peeta would fight until his death to rescue me, even if it was a lost cause. And, I owe the same to Peeta. We take care of each other, and I can't give up on saving him yet. These feelings for Gale are just going to have to be put on hold for a while until I can figure out the right words to say.

The elevator slows down and comes to a stop. The metal door slides open into an enormous room full of computers, televisions, and frantic people scurrying around. There is a table at the center of the room, with plush leather chairs around it. And, there I see him. Half-hazardly reclining in one of the chairs, feet resting on the solid wood of the table, taking a long, slow pull from a metal flask. He has the remnants of large, red scratches across his face.

Haymitch.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As our eyes lock I feel rage burning in the pit of stomach, boiling over until my body can no longer hold it back. I have a sudden urge to sink my fingernails back into his flesh, and this time rip his body apart. Limb by limb.

"Well, well, well... Look what the cat drug in." Haymitch's voice is somewhere between a snarl and a slur. His eyes are bloodshot, his face puffy and red. Apparently war can't even make the guy sober up.

My hands find the wheels of the chair I'm strapped in, and I will my arms to push as hard as they can. I've caught Gale off guard, and my chair is rolling away, out of his reach, rapidly approaching the wooden table. "Katniss!" I hear Gale yell, but it's no use. This anger building inside me needs an escape. I make a quick turn on my left wheel, barely missing the corner edge of the dark mahogany, and come in for the kill. I have the chair moving at a rapid pace now, and manage to straighten my wheels out just in time to make full impact. "What the..." is all Haymitch can get out.

The chair Haymitch was reclining on flies backwards, and for a moment all that is visible are arms and legs as they flail for something to break the fall. He hits the floor on his back with a thud, his flask laying several feet from him, spilling out the vile contents on the white tile floor. If I were anyone else, I might have pity on this man who lays in front of me with disheveled clothes and horrid body odor. But, I know Haymitch, and his lies have cost me too many precious things in my life. My voice comes out in a hiss, "Don't you ever lie to me again, especially if you want to stay alive."

As I pull my eyes off Haymitch, I notice that the once bustling room is eerily quiet. All attention has been focused on us. I try to compose myself and take a few deep breaths to settle the remainder of the rage that lies just beneath my skin. A small laugh begins on the floor beneath me, then builds to a full belly laugh. Haymitch is clutching his sides, laughing so hard that tears are beginning to stream from his eyes. He's finally gone mad. He's been crazy for a long time, but now I think he's actually lost it, just like that Annie girl that Finnick was in love with.

"I'm glad to see that you two seem to be working things out." A cold, even voice comes from behind me. I turn my body around to see a woman of medium stature with dark gray hair and ice blue eyes. She is wearing a dark blue uniform that has numerous gold pins attached to the front on either side. She doesn't seem to be a whole lot older than Haymitch, but she is definitely in better shape. Her posture is perfect and, just the way she presents herself, demands your attention. She comes around to the front of me now and, in a very calculated way, looks me dead straight in the eyes. "We have important matters at hand, Miss Everdeen. And, if you can't seem to control yourself here, in _my_ command room, I will have Boggs here escort you out." She looks over towards a man who is watching us. Although he has the same blue uniform on, his muscles look as though they are ready rip through the heavy suit at any time. I sense that he is not man to be messed with, although I still have a little fire in me burning to get out. I open my mouth to respond, but then realize I'm not even sure who this woman is. She seems to sense this and relaxes a little. "I don't believe we've had the pleasure to meet each other in person yet. Let me introduce myself to you, Miss Everdeen." And then I swear her voice turns to a purr. "I am Alma Coin. The President of District 13."

Shock. Embarrassment. Those are the first two things that come to my mind. Of course, I knew Gale was taking me to Coin's headquarters for the meeting, but I didn't plan on introducing myself in this way. I swallow and manage to get the words out, "Nice to meet you." Gale is at my side now, with a hand on my shoulder. I'm glad he's there, and instantly sorry that I tore myself out of his grasp earlier.

Haymitch is now standing up, and peers at me from behind President Coin, still chuckling to himself, "Good to see you've still got it in you sweetheart. After all your head banging, I was sure that you'd given yourself brain damage." My eyes have a flicker of rage in them again, and I'm on the verge of screaming terrible, terrible things but I catch a glimpse of Coin out of the corner of my eye and know that I'm seconds away from getting tossed out of here if I do.

This must seem fun to Haymitch, to try and taunt me into losing control. But, I've got bigger things to think about than ripping apart a drunk right now. I need to find out what they know about Peeta and his capture. _Peeta_. I still can't believe they left him behind in the arena. But that was because I was being played with, used as a pawn. Well, two can play at that game. I try to put the most sincere look on my face that I can muster and say, "I want to work with you. I already know what you want from me, but I need to know a few things first." I close my eyes and try to keep focus on what I'm going to say next. "I need to know if Peeta is alive or not." I can feel Gale's hand tense on my shoulder at the mention of Peeta.

"Surprise, surprise! Who wouldn't have guessed that the girl was going to wonder where her star-crossed lover from District 12 is? Why we haven't tried to get him yet?" Haymitch is making wide circles with his arms, as if trying to get the whole room to join in agreement with him. "Well, what do you think honey? You think the Capitol is playing nicey-nice with him, just for your sake?" The way he said that last line, that's exactly what I know they haven't been doing. I don't even want to try and let my mind wander to what tortures they've exposed him to, or to what type of hideous death they planned out for him. All I know is that Snow doesn't play fair. I don't want tears to come to my eyes right now, not in front of all these people, so I blink them rapidly as if to dare them to flow forth. For the time being, I've won.

"What I think he's trying to say," a smooth voice floats out from across the room, "Is that we don't really know where they are, do we?" Finnick is addressing Haymitch now, looking as dashing as ever in his dark blue uniform. I'm guessing that the rebels who are involved in fighting must all be assigned these same uniforms. I take a quick glance at Gale and notice that he's wearing one too. Finnick is taking long strides across the room towards us now, and as he draws closer I can see that his face looks pained. He said they didn't know where Peeta was? What does that mean? Finnick answers my questions before they're even spoken. "It seems, my dear Katniss, that Peeta has escaped along with Johanna and Enobaria and is hiding somewhere in the capitol. But," and I can tell that Finnick is trying hard to hold back tears, "Somehow my Annie has also disappeared." A big, slow tear starts to slip down his cheek. I have no idea what that means, what Annie has to do with Peeta, but I can hardly keep myself from jumping out of the chair and running down the stone halls. Peeta is alive. And, better yet, he's still fighting for his life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: For whatever reason, this chapter posted and then vanished. I hope that doesn't happen again!**

Chapter 5

My mind is racing. How did Peeta escape? Is he alone? He must not be, not if Johanna and Enobaria are missing too. I'm not sure that I would trust Enobaria, it seemed like she was more than willing to kill any of us in the arena. But, then again, that was the arena and it can make you do desperate things. Hadn't the thought of killing Finnick and Johanna ran through my mind a thousand times as well? And, as it turns out, they were both there to help keep Peeta and me alive. Peeta must be still alive, right? The word would've gotten out if he was recaptured, because I'm sure the Capitol would have killed him. But, what does Annie have to do with Peeta? Thinking back to right after we were pulled from the arena, how Finnick was trying to get back to District 4, how Haymitch said that was too dangerous, how they would use Annie as bait. Is that what happened? Did the Capitol take the poor, crazy girl after Peeta and the others had escaped? To use her as bait to draw us back into their games? I can see why Finnick is upset. It would be a suicide mission to try and free Annie at this point. Snow would for sure have her under tight security, hoping to use her to at least draw Finnick in. Would they torture her to try and get information, even in her already fragile state? If they did, she probably wouldn't survive...

Finnick is now engaged in a heated conversation with Haymitch, gesturing wildly with his hands and trying hard to convince him to rescue this Annie girl. I can tell, just by watching their faces, that this is not the first time Finnick has tried to persuade Haymitch.

"We're not going in there Finnick. Not now, anyway. Give it just a little more time, things are unraveling fast in the Districts. Not much longer and we should be making a final push."

"Not much longer? You've been saying that for days, and we both know that District 2 won't be easy to take down. I can't just sit here, watching the screens, hoping for something to happen. You need to let me go."

But, the conversation gets drowned out as group of people watching a screen to the right of us start shouting and high-fiving each other. Something good for the rebels has just happened. I hear a man yell, "District 1 is ours!"

President Coin clears her throat and addresses the room. "To the conference table please." In a matter of minutes, every chair around the dark mahogany table is taken and people fill in around us. I see Plutarch Heavensbee take a seat next to Haymitch. Gale is standing behind me, with his hands on my shoulders, as I am still sitting in this stupid wheelchair. I find myself beginning to hate the fact that I agreed to be put in this thing, but I know Gale isn't going to let me get out of it right now, so I settle in and wait to hear what new information is going to be shared.

"As you can see," Coin says, "Almost every District has now been secured by the rebels, except for District 2. In the past week or so, since the rescue of our Mockingjay here..." she is looking towards me with a tight smile on her face, and it reminds me of how I tried to plaster that same type of smile on my face when I was pretending to be madly in love with Peeta during our last visit to the Capitol, right before everything went bad. Coin continues, "Every District has gone through some type of uprising, with emotions running as high as I've ever seen in Panem. We were right to believe that the simple fact of having our face of the rebellion alive has given people a renewed hope. A sense that they can fight and win. A chance to take their lives back from the control of the Capitol." I look around and see that she has the attention of everyone in the room now, they are hanging on her every word, like puppies waiting for their next treat to be handed to them.

"And now, here we are, with only one District left between us and the Capitol. Perhaps the deadliest of them all, District 2." Right. They have a quarry there, but they also supply the Capitol with Peacekeepers and weapons. They provide important things for the Capitol, and in exchange they are treated well. Or, at least they are treated better than others, especially my home District 12 and Rue's home, District 11. I still have nightmares about the old man, who whistled Rue's song, getting his head blown apart by a Peacekeeper during our Victor's Tour. She's pointing to the screens with images around the room. I see now that they are labeled with the District number, from 1 to 12. Most of the images are bright, moving with people. I can see that the screen labeled with a number 1 is showing people celebrating in the town square, some of them firing guns up in the air in an act of celebration. How ironic. A weapon that was probably used to kill numerous Peacekeepers is also used to project joy and happiness. And then, my eyes take hold of the image flickering on the screen of District 12. It's gray and empty, with only shells of homes left, except for on the edge of town. I see that Victor's Village has survived. A clear message to me from the Capitol I suppose, another type of ironic imagery.

"Our people are hurt. We have lost many lives in this cause, loved ones that will always be in our thoughts. And, because of them, we will continue to push forward, to end this thing!" Heads are nodding in agreement, and my heart becomes heavy when I think of all the people who lost their lives when my own District was burned to the ground. Because of me. "We continue to fight! We continue to be brave, if not for us, then for those left behind! We did not come all this way to be defeated now!" The voices in the room are saying, "Yes! Yes!" in firm agreement, while my own voice is silent. My mouth feels dry, I need a drink of water.

I know that District 2 lays ahead of us, and I'm sure they have a plan on how to capture it. But, then what? How do they intend on taking the Capitol and getting to President Snow? "I have a question." My voice seems small, so I clear my throat and take a deep breath and ask again. "I have a question for you, President Coin. After our forces take District 2, what is your plan for the Capitol? How do you intend on capturing President Snow?" Faces have turned to me, and even as I see Plutarch Heavensbee's brow start to furrow, I know that I've asked too pointed of a question. Well, since I've already irritated President Coin once, this doesn't really bother me now. I want to know what plans they have to kill Snow, to make sure he dies.

"Well, Miss Everdeen," I find myself to be highly annoyed with all the "Miss Everdeen" talk.

"Katniss", I say. Nobody calls me Miss Everdeen, except for my math teacher back in District 12 who always had a disliking for me, even though I was one of his best students. "Okay, _Katniss_..." she continues, with that purr in her voice again. I seem to have a knack for making friends with important people. "We have no plans on capturing the Capitol." What? Is she serious? How could anyone in their right mind not take the Capitol when you've already secured the Districts? Unless... no. She surely wouldn't be suggesting what I'm thinking. But, as I look at her and over at Haymitch, who has his head hanging down so that I can't make eye contact, I know that my suspicions are correct. "We will drop the bombs immediately following capture of District 2. The Capitol holds nothing of value to us, and the people there will not be willing to join the Rebellion. We consider them a lost cause." Meaning, as soon as the rebels control District 2, they not only have control over all the Districts, but they've secured the fact that no nuclear weapons can be used against us. So, it's fair game then to blow the Capitol and it's citizens into oblivion. I have no problem with blowing President Snow into a million pieces. Even that doesn't seem like enough punishment for the man. But, what about all the other people living there? I think of my prep team, and how utterly clueless they were about life outside the Capitol. Venia, Flavius, Octavia... they are all innocent. I know there are others, just like them who, if given the chance, would choose freedom over Capitol rules. They at least deserve a chance. And, as I'm putting the pieces together, I realize that Peeta is still stuck somewhere inside the Capitol. They have no plans on getting him out. Just like Annie. They are expendable players to the cause of the Rebellion. "After the bombs are dropped, then we will go in and collect survivors, if there are any. We will, of course, have to value their worth. But, don't fret _Katniss_, we have every plan on taking out President Snow. No worries there." I'm sure she will take out Snow, along with thousands of other people who aren't armed.

"What about Peeta?" I'm enraged now, hardly believing that the Rebellion couldn't try to get the Capitol and kill Snow another way. "What about Johanna, Enobaria, and Annie?" I'm pointing towards Finnick now, hopeful that he'll chime in and help me with the argument. "It's okay to just leave people behind and forget that they are worth saving too?" I'm on a roll now, and since nobody is stopping me, I keep going. "What about all the innocent lives you'll be taking when you send those bombs? There are children! Families! People who have done no wrong in all of this!" My throat is starting to hurt because I've been yelling so loud and I can feel the vein in my neck throbbing.

"We have teams who have assessed this very situation Katniss. We do not do this light-heartedly." Coin's voice is cool and under control, more than I can say for myself at the moment. "Our contacts inside the Capitol have not seen your friends for days. They believe that Peeta, Johanna, and Enobaria are working their way towards us as we speak. We are hopeful they can make it out of the Capitol on their own." She lets her last few words drag a bit while my teeth are grinding inside of my mouth. I know I need to ask. Not for myself, but for my friend Finnick, who risked his own life to save mine. "And Annie?" She gives a short little shake of her head, and that's all the answer I needed to know. There is no plan to rescue her. I hear a small cry from Finnick and I watch him leave the room.

After a few minutes of Coin recapping how District 1 was taken and what our plans are for District 2, the meeting is adjourned. Haymitch comes over to me slyly, before Gale and I get on the elevator, and whispers, "We need to talk kid. Meet me tonight, in the gardens. Gale can show you where they are." I nod my head in agreement. There was so much to take in today that I'm not sure I even want to hear whatever it is Haymitch has to talk to me about. I feel tired. And hungry. My stomach growls in agreement and Gale laughs at me. "We'd better get you to the cafeteria, huh?" I shrug my shoulders, as if to say it's no big deal, but I'm famished.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A short elevator ride later, and we arrive in a room that is decorated with fake fruits and vegetables. A sign over the entrance says "Cafeteria" like you need one to identify it. I'm hopeful there's more here than the wax items hanging off the wall. But, before we can enter, a small lady with curly brown hair tells me that I need to do my nutrition assessment. I have no idea what's she talking about, but before I can even ask her a question, she's pricked my finger and capturing a tiny blood drop on a thin piece of paper. She puts it into a machine, it does a few beeps and then spits a paper back out at her. She has a big smile on her face. "Wonderful news Miss Everdeen! You may help yourself to anything in the cafeteria today, just don't overdo it!" Well, that is good news. Gale goes next, and he gets the same assessment, but he just rolls his eyes at the lady and pushes me forward in the chair. "Wait!" I cry. I don't want to be wheeled into the cafeteria for everyone to see me like this. "I need to walk a little now. I'm not an invalid. Maybe a little weak, but I can't ride in that chair anymore. Okay?" Gale nods his head and I stand up, keeping the warm blanket wrapped around me while he goes to park the chair in a corner.

I'm rubbing my thumb against the finger that the lady who was way too happy just poked. It didn't hurt too bad and it's not even bleeding. Gale shows me his fingers, which have been noticeably pricked a few times and says, "You get used to it. The people here are worried about being healthy, so they do that to make sure you're getting the right nutrition. The District 12 people have been real happy about it, because they get more food than anyone else." I bet they are. Gale takes my hand in his and guides me through the doorway. The first thing I can't help but notice are the large buffet tables loaded with fresh fruits and vegetables, bread and cheeses. It reminds me of the Capitol and their seemingly endless supply of food. But, where is the meat? Gale knows instantly what I'm looking for. "You only get a small amount of meat, and you have to go through the line over there to get it, and then they have to weigh it before it even hits your plate. Wouldn't want you to have more than anyone else I guess. Don't want to overdo it." He says the last little bit the same way the lady who poked our fingers did. I can't help but laugh. Gale and I are so used to having our share of fresh meat from all of our hunting together, that this worry over eating too much meat is hilarious. But, I'm not going to complain. At least there is food to eat. It looks and smells so good that my mouth is starting to water.

We each grab a plate and start piling it full of things. There is one table filled to the brim with fresh bread, although I don't spot a single cheese bun. "Oh Peeta," I think. I wonder what he's having for lunch. And the thought of him slowly starving to death, hiding somewhere in the Capitol, makes me lose my appetite. There is, however, fresh goat cheese and I take a large chunk of it because it makes me feel happy in the same place where thoughts of Peeta make me sad. I spot fresh steamed green beans, tomatoes with herbs and cheese, a salad full of crisp cucumbers, red potatoes with roasted peppers, pumpkin soup with a sprinkle of nutmeg on top, melon of so many colors that I have to try them all. There is some yellow, crescent shaped thing that Gale tells me I have to try, and strawberries so red that it's hard to believe they are real. How could they have strawberries that look so good this time of year? I think of Madge and wonder if she made it out of District 12. As if reading my thoughts, Gale piles some strawberries on his plate and says, "Madge is here. She's still in a part of the hospital ward though. She is having kind of a hard time adjusting. A lot of people died." My heart becomes heavy in my chest again. I know how painful it is to watch people die in front of you, how those last minutes of their life replay in your mind over, and over, and over again. "Her parents?" I say, knowing that their house was part of that charred landscape I saw on the screen in the command room. "Yes. She had just ran out of her house when the first bomb dropped. She tried to help me get people out of the town, towards the meadow, but we couldn't get to everybody in time. There were so many people screaming for help." Gale's voice was almost a whisper as he spoke those last words and my eyes have begun to leak again. It's one thing to be in a situation where you watch people you don't really know die, like in the arena. But, back in District 12, where pretty much everybody knows everybody... I know how hard that would have been. To have to choose between life and death of those surrounding you. Knowing that there is no way to help them all. I've put my plates down to wipe my eyes and, before I know it, Gale has me wrapped in his arms. He smells fresh, like the woods, even though we are miles away from them. He gives me a quick kiss on the top of my head before he pulls away, keeping his hands on my arms. "Katniss, I would do it all again. So would all of the people that survived the bombing. The Capitol is the one that brought death and destruction, not you. You need to know that." I shake my head, trying to convince myself for Gale's sake. I know that he's telling me I need to be strong and brave, but I've been having a hard time finding that girl lately.

We continue piling our plates as full as possible, then go to get our tiny portion of meat from the cooks. I see Greasy Sae behind the counter before she sees me, and I make a beeline for her, giving her a big hug from behind. I've caught her off guard and she gives a little yelp before she realizes it's me, and then whacks me on the head with a big wooden spoon. She is laughing, I am crying. Who knew I had such deep care and devotion to the people from District 12? She gives each of us probably more meat than we are allowed and shoos us away. Before heading to the tables, where there are quite a few people already seated, I scan the room. I can immediately notice who is District 13. They have healthy, even robust faces, with rosy cheeks and skin that looks radiant as opposed to the people from my District who have hollow faces and cheeks with dark circles under their eyes. Even the few babies and children I see have chubby arms and legs. I'm betting a couple more days following District 13's nutrition assessments and they'll start perking up. We find a table where Prim, my mother, Gale's mother Hazelle, and his little sister Posy are sitting. I sit down next to Posy and she immediately wraps her arms around me and says, "I'm so glad to see you Katniss! Gale couldn't wait for you to wake up, cause you just kept sleeping and sleeping. He called you his sleeping beauty." A big, innocent looking smile is spread across her face and I can't help but smile back. Gale, I notice, has turned a bright shade of red. "That's enough, Posy," he says. I find it amusing. For once, I'm not the one being put on the spot.

"We are glad to see you up and around again, Katniss." Hazelle is looking at me and I know she's being genuine. I've always had a good relationship with her, she's been more of a mother figure to me than my own mother, who is sitting right next to her. "You seem to be moving better. Prim told me about your little fall earlier." Great. News of me hitting the tile floor is now spreading around thanks to my little sister. I shoot her a look, but she just laughs back to me, "You're just a little weak yet is all. But you're still the strongest and bravest girl I know." If there is anyone in the world that I can't stay mad at, it's Prim. Hazelle tells me how she has gotten a job here in the housekeeping department, she tells me that she works with a couple of my biggest fans. I have no clue what she means until she tells me their names, Bonnie and Twill. I'm glad to know that they made it here safely. My mother tells me that I'll be staying one extra night in the hospital ward, that she's been working nights, while Prim has been working days, to be able to stay by my bedside in case I woke up. Apparently Gale has spent a considerable amount of time there as well, but I had already guessed that. She goes on to talk about how advanced the medicine is here in District 13, how they were even able to heal my deep scar from where Johanna cut the tracker out of me. I hadn't even noticed that my scar was missing. But, I can also tell by her face that she's not entirely pleased with it here, especially when she mentions that she can't wait to get back to District 12 and hopes they start rebuilding it again soon. Maybe something about her has changed, but there isn't time to dwell on it because now Posy is telling the story of how Gale rescued Buttercup for Prim, and how he had just enough time to go back and get the goat before our house exploded. The story is full of action and humor, and somehow in the midst of this sad story, I find myself laughing right along with them.

We've all finished our lunch and mother is the first one to announce that she needs to get going. She has a few things to do before her shift starts at the hospital ward. She tells me that she'll see me later and then is off, with Prim following behind. Hazelle, who is cleaning up her and Posy's dishes tells us to have a fun afternoon. Then it's just Gale and I. "What do you want to do now?" he asks me. "Do you want a tour of the place? I can show you where most everything is. Since it's still early in the day, we have clearance to go outside if you'd like." I think that sounds nice, but I'm feeling tired again now that my belly is stuffed. "Maybe later?" as a big yawn escapes my mouth. You'd think that for all the amount of sleeping I've done, that I would be totally refreshed. Instead, I just feel drained.

"That's fair. I'll show you how to get back to the hospital ward. We can pass by the apartment where your mom and Prim are staying on the way so you know where that's at. My family is only a few doors down from theirs." I know what he's trying to tell me, that in case I change my mind that I know where to find him.

"Sounds great." We take another elevator to where the living quarters are. Every door looks the same to me, but Gale points out that the one with number 74 on it is mine. His is 82. Then, it's off to be whisked away in another elevator, back through the stone hallway to my home at the moment, the hospital ward. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to negotiate these elevators the way Gale has without leaving some type of trail for me to retrace my steps. I climb back into my bed and pull the warm blankets all the way up to my chin. He pulls a curtain around me for privacy and I close my eyes. I make a mental note to myself to find Madge when I wake up. My body feels heavy, and before I know it, I'm fast asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_In my dreams, there are doctors and nurses, probing my body. A man is making me swallow pills that only cause me to vomit a short time later. A girl, I think it's Glimmer, is wrapping my body in a lotion that turns rock hard, like cement, so that I can't move. I'm suffocating, and the rock walls are falling down on me now. I scream for Peeta to run, but he won't. He is waiting for me. And then, I watch as Peeta turns to a statue of cement. The bombs are dropping now, setting us on fire, until the last one reaches Peeta and his body explodes into a million pieces. _

When I open my eyes, I know I've been screaming, because my throat hurts and my sheets are wet with sweat. Although I have nightmares all the time, I don't usually mix the old ones I have of my father's death in the mine with the new ones from the games. I especially disliked the vomiting part, that almost seemed too real. In a panic, I look around me just to make sure that I was dreaming. Good, everything still looks clean to me.

Although I know that I'm spending one more night here, I ask the nurse who is at my bedside if it's okay for me to change out of this thin, papery gown. She talks to doctor, does a lot of head shaking, and then comes over to tell me that she'll bring me my clothes in just a few minutes. I guess that means I have time to spare, so I open up my curtains and head out to find Beetee. I know that he was just across the room from me this morning. But, as I wander around, he's nowhere to be found. I wonder if he was released from their care.

I see that Prim is busy, so I head back to my bed and find a neat stack of clothes awaiting me. They are still warm from laundering, and they smell fresh, like lilacs. As I pick them up, the memory makes me stagger for a moment. The simple white shirt. The soft green and blue sweater, the comfy black pants, the leather boots that reminded me of home. Clothes that were only designed by one person. "Oh, Cinna..." I whisper. I press the warm shirt to my face, remembering the last time I wore this on our Victor's Tour. If only I wasn't already locked in that plastic tube. I could have tried to save him. He risked his life just to help me. I change slowly into them, lacing up the leather boots in purposeful movements, and sit on the edge of the bed for a minute to gather myself. He was a wonderful friend to me and I will never forget him. If anything, Snow deserves a slow, painful death just on Cinna's behalf.

I know where I need to go next, but I find myself trying to come up with reasons not to. In the end, my conscience wins out, and I walk to the nurses desk to ask where I can find Madge Undersee. They point me towards a long hallway, the opposite end of where I am, and tell me that it's impossible to miss. Being as this is the first time I've ever ventured anywhere on my own in here, I'm not so sure. But, as I go down the hallway, I see the door to the ward labeled "Psychiatric Care" and agree that it's hard to miss. There's a button that I guess you need to push to get in. I give it a jab, but the door doesn't open. Instead, a voice rings out to me through a speaker on the wall, "Can I help you?" Here I am, talking to a speaker on a wall, and I'm still fumbling my words. "Um, yes. I am, um, here to see... to, ah, see a Madge..." They must be tired of my mumbling, or maybe there is only one Madge in the whole place. Whatever the case, the door swings open and I walk on through. As if I wasn't nervous enough to begin with, this whole door situation is making my stomach turn in knots. I try not to focus on the fact that when the door shuts, I'm going to be locked in the Psychiatric Ward.

As I pass the nurses desk, they tell me that I will find her in the "Calming Room." Which, ironically, doesn't do a thing to calm my own nerves. And, as I turn the corner, I see her for the first time. Sitting in a soft leather chair with a tiny little calico kitten on her lap. Her hands are busy moving back and forth in a slow fashion, petting the kitten while it purrs it's contentment. She looks so young. "Hi Madge. It's me, Katniss." Her eyes turn to mine, but they seem empty. She looks back down toward the kitten, continuing her soft, long strokes. "I just came by to see how you were doing. Gale told me you were here." At the mention of Gale's name, I hear her make a soft moan. Her hands have stopped moving and the kitten is looking at her inquisitively, wondering why the affection has stopped. I'm not sure what to say next, I don't want to upset her. So, instead, we both just sit there in silence.

She looks frozen to me, and by now the kitten has lost interest and jumped off her lap. Just when I think it's time for me to go, I see her fingers start to move, twitching like she doesn't know what to do with them. Then, with tears in her eyes, she looks at me and says, "I couldn't save them. People were on fire. I ran to warn them, but the bombs hit too fast. I watched people burn to death. My own parents. Friends. Children! They were blown into _pieces_!" Her voice is choking on her tears now, "There were some who got out. We waited in the meadow until the bombs stopped dropping..." Her face is pale, so translucent that you can see the veins running in a criss-cross pattern across her cheeks.. "When the planes went away, a few of us went back into town, to see if there were any..." her voice trails off, but I know what she meant. She went back to check for survivors. Gale had told me as much.

"Just pieces of burnt flesh. The stench was awful. I kept telling myself that there must be someone alive, so I kept digging. That's when I found him. The baker." Peeta's father? He was such a kind man, especially to Prim. "His legs were blown off, and his body was blackened from the fire. But, he told me..." Madge's body is shaking now, the tears are flooding down her cheeks, and my face is wet with my own. I feel the urge to run out of the room, right now, before she can tell me anything more.

"He asked me to stay with him, and I did. He told me that he loved his son, Peeta. He made me promise to tell Peeta that. And, Katniss..." Madge is gripping my hand so hard now that her knuckles are white and my hand is aching. Her blue eyes on locked on me. "He told me that the birds fell silent while you were gone. But, when you came back, the birds would surely sing again. A song of rejoicing." I didn't need to hear any of this. Did Gale know what she was going to tell me? If so, why would he send me here? I don't even know what that means, the birds singing some song of rejoicing. Was Peeta's father hoping that I would be bringing him back to District 12 safely? Well, that couldn't be further from the truth of the matter. I don't even know where Peeta is, let alone if he is safe or not.

"We buried him in the meadow. We buried so many of them in the meadow." Madge just keeps repeating this last part, about the meadow. I'm having a hard time making myself swallow. Her hands are cold, but I can't seem to let go of them, as if the memories are connecting us in this intimate way. We sit that like, together in silence, for a long time before a nurse comes in to tell me visiting time is over. For as much as I wanted to run before, I have a hard time leaving her now.

"I'll be back to visit again soon, Madge. I'll bring you some strawberries. Would you like that?" She doesn't answer me. And, I see now that her eyes seem empty again, like they were when I first arrived. I can't help but remember the kind, brave girl from District 12 who was my friend. The girl who gave me the Mockingjay pin that changed our lives, in ways that we could never have imagined. I give her hand one last squeeze before leaving. My heart is heavy, with thoughts of people from back home flooding my mind. I suddenly miss Peeta more than ever before. I wish he would have been here, to hear what Madge told me about his father. He always felt like his family didn't need him, but that wasn't true. His father loved him very much, and Peeta never got the chance to say good-bye to him. Fresh tears spring into my eyes and, as I walk through the hallway back to the hospital ward, I brush them away with the back of my hand and make two promises to myself. One, I'm going to try and make things right again between myself and my mother. I think it's time that I've forgiven her. And, two, I'm going to find Peeta and tell him just how much he was loved.

I don't know what time it is, but when I get back to my bed the nurse asks me if I am planning on going to the cafeteria for dinner or if I would prefer to eat here. I tell her that I will just eat here, so she pokes my finger quick before she leaves, and then I shut the curtains tight around me, so that I feel like I'm in a cocoon. I climb into bed and pull the covers up over my head, just to reinforce the fact.

When I was a little girl, I remember using an old fishing net to try and catch butterflies with my father in the meadow. They were much harder to catch than I thought they would be. From a distance, they looked to be floating in the sky, like brilliant little kites hanging on the breeze. But, when I crept up closer, they always seemed to dart away from my net. I remember my father saying that sometimes the most beautiful things in life are always kept, just out of our reach, for a reason. But, if I was patient enough, those beautiful things would find their way back to you. So, for endless days that summer, I sat quietly in the meadow watching the butterflies do their intricate dance in the sky. And then one day, as I was chewing on a piece of grass and lying on my back, a butterfly came and rested right on my knee. I had never seen anything so beautiful before, with it's bright orange and black wings. We studied each other for a long time before it flew away, and I remember thinking that the butterfly had found it's way back to me, just like my father had said it would.

After that, I had a profound fascination with butterflies. My father showed me the type of plant that they like to lay their eggs on, it was called a milkweed, and we went out hunting for some. We found a few of them on the edge of the woods and snapped them off to bring home. The stems were leaking this white, milky substance all over our hands, and my father explained that was why it was called milkweed. But that it was only milk for bugs, not for humans. My mother put the plants in a vase of water, and after a few days, a caterpillar was born. I watched as it crawled all over the plant, munching hungrily on the bright green leaves. I kept a study supply of milkweed on hand, to make sure that our caterpillar wouldn't get hungry.

And then, one day, he just disappeared. I was heartbroken, because I had taken so much time and effort to make sure that caterpillar would survive. My father said it was probably time for it to make it's cocoon, when it would make a wall around itself before it changed from a caterpillar into a butterfly. I didn't know why it couldn't stay to make it's cocoon in our house. After all, I had taken care of it and provided it food and safety. My mother was the first one to make the discovery a day later. I heard her shriek and my father laugh as he called for me to come into the kitchen quick. And, there it was. The cocoon was attached to the top of our kitchen ceiling. It hadn't left me after all! After days and days of endless waiting, I came home from school to find that the cocoon was open and a brand new, black and orange butterfly, was drying it's wings on our table! When my father came home from work, he picked it up on a stick and told me that it was time to let that butterfly go in the meadow. I didn't want to do it though. I wanted to keep that most beautiful thing for myself. But, father explained to me that it would never be able to stay alive in our house. It needed to go out where there was food and sunshine. I relunctantly watched it as it slowly opened it's wings and started to dart away, up into the sky. Every summer since then, until my father died, we brought in milkweed plants to watch the butterflies grow. I never realized how much I missed doing that until now.

I hear the rustle of the curtain and know that the nurse must be back with my dinner. I slowly pull the blanket back, still remembering how the new butterflies would slowly unfurl their wet wings, and I sit up. There is cream of potato soup with tiny pieces of sausage in it, a salad full of chopped vegetables, a fresh roll with sesame seeds on top and a pad of butter on the side, and an apple. Not the most thrilling dinner, but I eat it all quickly anyway. I'm just finishing up my soup, using my roll to mop up the creamy broth, when Gale strides through the door and heads to my bedside.

"Hey. I heard that you went to visit Madge. How was she?" He picks up the last bit of my roll and eats it before I can even object.

What am I going to say? She was sad, depressed, empty looking? That, at the mention of his name, she proceeded to tell me all the gory details of District 12 being bombed? That, when she recalled the story of Peeta's father to me, all I could think of was how much I needed to find Peeta now? Instead, I say, "She was... not quite herself. I think she's still having a hard time dealing with losing her family." Gale just nods his head, with a sad look in his eyes.

"I've been to visit her a few times. She doesn't really talk to me when I'm there. She just kind of mumbles something about the meadow and birds singing... I was hoping that she would be glad to see you again. I've told her that you made it here safely."

"Oh." A huge sigh of relief is felt within me. I don't know why, but I'm glad that Madge didn't tell Gale about Peeta's father. Or, what she had to say about the birds singing. I still need to figure that one out for myself. Feeling the need to change the subject, I push the tray away and stand up, dusting crumbs off my pants. "Where are we off to now? Are you still up for showing me around this place?"

"Sure. I can show you a few things, but then I'm supposed to take you to the gardens, remember? Haymitch wanted to talk to you about something." Right. I wonder what he has up his sleeve now. If it's anything to do with Peeta, he has to know that I'll do it.

"Well, let's start with showing me the places that you think I need to know about. And, maybe you can draw me a map while we go. I'm nervous about getting lost in here." Gale laughs at me and gives my braid a little playful tug, "Nah. I'd never let you get lost in here. But, the best place I can show you won't be open until morning, so we'll start with finding our way back to the cafeteria, it's in the middle, and working our way out from there. Sound good?" I can't argue with that. Gale grabs my hand and off we go, into the great unknown of District 13.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

We make our way back to the cafeteria, and there are still a few people finishing their meals, so we walk in. I slip a couple of rolls into my pocket for later and Gale wraps a hunk of cheese in a napkin. I jokingly suggest that we should have brought our game bag with us to stuff full. The food here is good. Not as rich as what the Capitol had, but definitely better than anything that was available to us in District 12. Which makes me start to wonder why District 13, who seems to have an abundance of food available to them, never came to our rescue? "It seems like they have enough food to feed an army here. Too bad they never felt like sharing with their neighbors." There is some bitterness in my voice, especially when I think back to all the times I struggled to keep our little family fed. I see a few blueberries left in a bowl and I reach for them.

"I've wondered the same thing. Boggs told me that they couldn't risk it, they had to wait for the right time to disclose themselves to the other Districts. You know, they were afraid that the Capitol might decide to make good on their promise to totally destroy them."

"Oh." I guess that makes some sense. You would try to protect your own before helping anyone else. Plus, we were all lead to believe that District 13 didn't even exist anymore, that it was just a barren landscape. So, I suppose that it's just as much our fault for believing the story of the Capitol as it was District 13 ignoring our need . Just one lie tangled in the web of many that the Capitol spun for us to believe. "Well, I'm glad they took in our people at least. And, that they had enough space for everyone." The living quarters here seemed to be enormous.

"Yeah. They arrived pretty quickly. The whole District was still burning pretty good when they got there. They had some type of fire retardant that helped put out the big blazes." I see the image in my mind, orange tongues of fire licking up the remains of buildings. "They brought in some hovercraft, for those who were hurt badly, but most of us traveled in vans back to District 13. You were here already by the time I finally boarded the last car to leave District 12." So much of that I have no memory of. My desire to ever wake up again after I found out that Peeta had been captured was little to none. I never imagined that Peeta would actually be able to escape the grasp of President Snow.

"Boggs told me that they had made preparations, years ago, to take more people into their population. They were just waiting for a spark to ignite in the Districts." Gale isn't looking at me now, but I know that his words were directed at me. He wants me to believe that I'm some bright spark to the rebellion. But, in reality, I'm just a young girl who was used by the Capitol in their games, and then later used by the Rebellion for their justification of blowing up the Capitol, when they do it. Obviously, I'll be glad to see Snow dead and the brutality of the Capitol gone. But, I'm not quite sure of what President Coin has in store for the future of Panem either.

"This Boggs guy, the one with superhuman muscles, you and him are friends?" I'm a little wary of it, because he didn't seem to be overly friendly to me earlier in the Command Room.

"He's a good guy. You'll like him once you get a chance to meet him, apart from President Coin. She is in charge around here, you know. So, people do have to follow her orders." I can tell Gale is ribbing me, and I want to remind him just how good he used to be at following orders back in District 12, but the lights are being turned off and the kitchen staff chases us out of the cafeteria so they can finish cleaning up.

"I guess it's time for the grand tour. I already know where the apartments are, so what else is there?" I'm anxious to take my mind off the impending meeting with Haymitch in a few hours, plus I feel like I need to be able to find my own way around here and not have to rely on Gale to chaperone me.

"Let me get out this piece of paper, and I'll start to draw you a map." I'm glad that Gale decided to pacify my request from earlier of a map. "This place is laid out like a clock face, but also like a wheel, with spokes going in each direction. The cafeteria is in the middle. From here you can access every branch." Gale has drawn a small circle in the middle of the paper and labeled it cafeteria. Then he draws 12 lines, equally spaced apart from each other, and starts to label each line appropriately. Straight up from the cafeteria, where the 12 would be on a watch face, is labeled "Living Quarters." Clockwise from there is "Exercise Facility", "Library/School", "Gardens", "Waste/Water Management", "Hospital Ward", "Command Room", "Weapons Development", "Mine". My eyes stop at the word mine. I knew they built this place in old mine shafts, but I didn't think they actually did any mining here still. The thought of that makes my head dizzy. "Electrical", "Ventilation", "Laundry". District 13 is much bigger than I had expected. Now Gale is drawing lines, in between the lines he's already labeled, and telling me those are the elevators that connect the sections. The only section that isn't connected with elevators is the one labeled "Mine." He's also adding some squiggly lines that seem to jut out, here are there, and labels them "Tunnels." I think of how useless that information is on my map. You won't ever catch me climbing through those things. Finally there are circles connected to the end of the lines labeled "Living Quarters", "Gardens", "Weapons Development" and "Ventilation". Gale explains to me that those are access points to the outside, but that they are heavily guarded. The only one that most people can use is through where the apartments are located.

"Gale, what do they mine here? I'm guessing it's not graphite, right?" That was what the Capitol had led people to believe, that it was a graphite mine. Until District 13 revolted and word got out that they were developing nuclear weapons here.

"They mine Uranium, but I also heard that quite a few other rare earth metals were discovered here too. And, one of the guys I was talking with told me something about diamonds. But, he didn't go into detail. I don't think he was supposed to tell me that." Hmmm...this District 13 just continues to get more and more complicated.

"I don't want to see the mines. And, nothing else looks too interesting to me, other than the Weapons Development and the Gardens. Maybe the Library." At that suggestion, Gale grabs my hand and says, "I've never been one for books. How about we head over to the Weapons Development. I have clearance, so I should be able to show you around a little bit." Sounds good to me. If that department is anything like the rest of District 13, I surely won't be disappointed.

When the metal door slides open, Gale ushers me out into a little hallway. There's nothing here, except for a large mirror that hangs directly in front of us. I watch as Gale walks up to it and presses his face and hands against it. Suddenly, I see a red laser beam scan across his face and hands. Once, twice, three times before it shuts off. A door out of nowhere opens up to the side of the mirror. We walk in, only to find ourselves in another tiny hallway. This time, Gale lifts up his arms and spreads his legs, like a giant x. He tells me to do the same, and although I feel foolish to posture myself this way, I do as I am told. Sure enough, a few seconds later, another red laser beam is scanning our bodies. Once, twice, three times. Then, another door that was invisible to my eye before, opens up and we walk into a huge concrete room. One of the guards hands us both a plastic card and tells us to clip it on. Again, I do as I am told. Never before have I been so good at following directions.

Gale walks me around in a giant circle, pointing out various things. "Down this corridor is where they keep the nuclear reactor. That supplies most of their power here. Over here is where they manufacture gunpowder and assault weapons, like guns. This is a section devoted entirely to computers and satellites, supposedly some of them are left from before the Dark Days." We keep going and going and going. There are more corridors and locked doors than I can keep count of. We stop outside of a door marked "Harvesting"and the word sends chills up my spine. Gale doesn't seem to know what lies behind that door, and I don't really care to find out, so we keep moving. When I think my mind has processed enough information about the tons of different weapons that are being manufactured here, I spot another corridor marked "Development and Research" and a man slowly walking towards us that seems familiar to me. "Beetee!" I exclaim. A big smile is spread across his face. He looks so much better without those glasses. "You look good. I tried to find you earlier, in the hospital ward, but you weren't there anymore."

"Yes. They released me as soon as possible. I requested a job down here, because I'm an inventor, you know. I thought I could be of some use instead of having a nurse spoon feed me my meals every day." I laugh. That's what I saw the nurse who was with him this morning doing. "What are you two kids doing here?"

Gale answers before me, "I was just giving her a quick tour of the place. Here first, and then off to see the gardens." Beetee's eyebrows go up and he says, in a quiet voice, "I think I'll join you, if you don't mind an old man tagging around with you."Gale shakes his head no, although neither one of us has any idea why Beetee is so interested in seeing the gardens with us. I guess we're going to find out soon enough. We exit through the same security that we came in through and are back on the shiny metal elevator, on our way to meet Haymitch. I suddenly have a sinking feeling in my stomach. Whatever is going on, I don't think it's going to be good.

**Author's Note: This is the end of Part I. Now the action/adventure is about to begin!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Part II. Light **

Chapter 9

When the door of the elevator slides open, my body is slammed with a warm, sultry mist. The aroma of sweet blossoms and wet earth fills my head and I close my eyes to take a slow, deep breath inward. Ahhh... this is the distinctive odor that my body has been longing for. The fragrance of home. The only thing that is missing is the fresh whisper of wind on my face. Gale takes my hand, and when I open my eyes he's looking down at me with such a soft expression on his face, that I forget where we are for a moment. _District 13. The gardens. We're here to meet Haymitch. _The moment is fleeting, and I snap back to reality. There is something that awaits me in this paradise under the earth.

It is absolutely breathtaking. I don't know who thought of it, or how they managed to construct it, but the gardens are field upon field of produce and beauty. Every 50 feet or so, a ray of sunlight beams down upon the greenery from chiseled holes in the ceiling. There are large vents spaced between them, blowing out mist. To my right, there are rows of lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, onions, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower... every vegetable that I can name, plus a few more that I've never seen before. Behind them are fields of wheat, corn, and soybeans. To my left is what appears to be an orchard that stretches what seems like forever, with some trees in blossom and others full of ripe fruit. I imagine Rue, jumping from limb to limb along the treetops, and I ponder on all the time spent trying to harvest food in my woods compared to this place, where even a small child could feed themselves. In the middle are tidy little square patches of familiar looking herbs, with rustic looking wooden benches interspersed erratically. I think of mother and Prim, I wonder if they have been here yet. I hear the buzzing of bees as we approach and watch as a butterfly settles itself on a mint blossom. These gardens, they are a wonderful masterpiece of the outdoors, transported to the inside of a mountain. A garden that is a bountiful food supply for the people of District 13 and synonymous with their survival. .

I'm so lost in the brilliance and grandeur of greenery that I don't hear the crunching of gravel behind me until a voice pierces the silence. "Glad you could make it, sweetheart." I turn to see Haymitch, expecting him to be alone, but Finnick is right by his side. "Let's have a seat, shall we?" Haymitch sits down on one of the benches, and motions for me to sit next to him.

"I think I'd rather stand." I don't feel like taking orders from Haymitch right now. Not until he shows me some sign that he's willing to help me find Peeta.

Whatever pretense of warmness that was on his face has disappeared. "Sit!" I weigh the options in my mind. Give in now, and maybe he'll be easier to convince about finding Peeta. Or continue to be obstinate and hope I win. I decide to sit down. There is a moment of silence, where all I can hear is our breathing and the soft hum of the vents. "Listen. You and I, kid. We need to resolve this... _issue_." Issue? Peeta's life is just an issue?

"You left him at the hands of the Capitol! And, you promised me!" I can't go on, my emotions get the best of me every time I think about our last moments in the arena together.

"And?" Haymitch is prodding me. I know what he wants me to say.

"And I let us get separated from each other," I mumble. I know it was just as much my fault as it was his that Peeta was left behind. The ownership of that guilt has been gnawing away at my insides ever since. It's why I didn't want to go on with life. But, no matter how much I willed for my body to give up, it wouldn't. So, instead, I transferred all of that anger towards Haymitch. I can't believe that I'm going to say it. "I'm sorry."

"So am I kid. So am I." Haymitch has his arm around me, giving me a half hug. I would like to think of it as a comforting moment, but he really needs a shower. Maybe, for the first time ever, he's aware of his own lack of personal hygiene. He slides away from me a little and shifts his gaze off towards the orchard.

My voice comes out in a big sigh, "So, how are we going to fix it? Do you have a plan? It doesn't seem like Coin wants to help Peeta find his way back..." I'm painfully aware of my situation in District 13. I am the poster girl for the Rebellion, that's it. There's no way they are going to treat me like some kind of soldier in their ranks. To Coin, I'm just an overly emotional teenage girl who managed to ignite a spark for them. And now they'll ride that wave of anger and frustration in the Districts until the country of Panem is in their control.

"Something isn't quite right here, but I haven't pieced it all together yet." Haymitch's confession is something that my gut has been telling me as well. Everything here seems just too... perfect. It reminds me too much of the Capitol, without the threat of death looming over our heads every moment. Maybe that's all it comes down to. We just aren't used to not fearing for our lives. "Coin doesn't want anyone going into the Capitol, which makes no sense. The Rebellion has control over almost all the Districts, the Capitol shouldn't be hard to bring down now. Especially since we've cut off their food supply." Haymitch is looking at me again, and I finish his thoughts.

"You want me to go there, don't you?" I lick my lips in anticipation. This is exactly what I wanted to hear. "To find Peeta?" To kill Snow? My heart has picked up in pace and my senses seem to be keener than they have all day. "How soon do you plan on us leaving?" I might need a few days to regain my strength, but the thought of seeing Peeta again will surely motivate my body. I already feel reinvigorated just thinking about it.

Now Gale is chiming in, I had forgotten he was right next to me. "If Katniss goes, so do I." Haymitch rolls his eyes at Gale. "I figured as much. Fine. You might come in handy anyway, who knows what you might run into out there." I'm glad Gale is going. He's been my hunting partner for so long that it's easy to trust him with my life.

"We have a few logistics to work through. First, I need to figure out how to get you there without Coin knowing. Secondly, Finnick is going with you. He's been trying to go on his own for days now." Haymitch sounds a little exasperated, but Finnick is all business. I haven't seen him this serious since, well... since never.

"We need to leave here soon Katniss. The news we're getting from our sources isn't helpful anymore. Peeta, and the others... nobody has seen or heard from them for days. They should have been well on their way here by now. And, Annie.." Finnick's voice is full of desperation, and it makes my nerves on edge.

"Who are your sources? And, why do you think they should have been here already? Their escape was a surprise, wasn't it?" I'm having doubts now about what I've been led to believe. Haymitch looks through me, with his bloodshot eyes, and once again I know that I've only been told the parts that they thought I needed to know. "Tell me right now, Haymitch. Tell me the truth. All of it." My voice has gone down an octave and my hands feel cold. I am so very tired of the deception that has clouded my life since Prim's name was drawn at the reaping. I don't care how ugly it is, I need to know what everyone else already seems to.

"I'm going to tell you as much as I myself know, but you can't interrupt me. Listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself." This same little speech sounds warily familiar to me, and I take a deep breath to prepare me for whatever comes next. Gale grabs my hand and my fingers fold tightly around his. "Before the arena blew, we had a backup plan ready, in case we couldn't reach you with the hovercraft. So, yes, there was a hope to help those who might have been captured if we failed to get them out. It was risky, and we couldn't afford to tell anyone, not even Coin. The rendevous point was right outside the tunnel that leads to the Capitol. That was supposed to happen 3 days ago."Haymitch stops for a second, letting me absorb the news, before he continues. "Annie Cresta was brought back to the Capitol, per her doctor's orders, to receive therapy at the same time Finnick was entering the arena. She became one of our primary sources, as she was still in the Training Center and had access to very privileged information." I'm shaking my head, trying to clear it. Did Haymitch just tell me what I thought he did? One of their best sources is the crazy girl from District 4? "There is something you need to know about Annie. She isn't crazy like most people think she is. It's true, she did have a breakdown after the games, but she managed to recover quite well with therapy. However, she was clever enough to realize that if the Capitol thought she was crazy, well... she knew that they'd leave her alone. So, she continued the ruse until Finnick here uncovered the truth for himself."

I glance at Finnick who is watching me with a stern expression on his face. I see now why he's so worried. The Capitol might have found out about the game Annie was playing with them. And we both know that the Capitol doesn't play fair.

"She remained our primary source of information until a few days ago, when we lost communication. Are you following me?" I nod my head yes. I think I understand everything so far, although it's not making me feel very confident about Peeta's safety. "Annie had managed to set up an escape plan, with the help of some people who also had an interest in the Capitol's demise. These allies had access to highly secured areas, and we knew they wouldn't get caught talking about it..." Is he telling me what I think he's telling me?

"The Avoxes..." my voice is a whisper. Of course they would have reason to hate the Capitol, for what was done to them.

"Yes, and it appears that you had made friends among some of them. A couple who witnessed your expertise with the bow and arrow during your private session with the Gamemakers, but especially the two servers we had at the Training Center, the red-headed pair." My eyes get big, I hadn't even had time to tell Gale about Darius, how Snow had mutilated his tongue and made him into an Avox. I quickly turn to Gale, ready to tell him what Haymitch is explaining to me, but my thoughts are interrupted. "Pay attention! You can talk about it with your _cousin _later. We don't have time to waste." Although that comment seriously irritates me, and Haymitch knows better about Gale not being my cousin, I also realize that now is not the time to lose my temper with him. I try to refocus and process all the knowledge that Haymitch is finally sharing with me.

"The Avoxes, they use secret tunnels beneath the Capitol to travel in. When Peeta, Johanna and Enobaria were captured, the Avoxes were responsible for getting them out of their cells and down into the tunnels. There is a very complicated system under the ground there, some of it left from before the Dark Days. Anyway, this is what they were going to escape through, to reach the tunnel so we could pick them up." I'm finding it hard not being able to ask questions, because I have so many of them. Maybe if I just sneak one in quick, Haymitch won't get annoyed with me.

"Enobaria, you trust her?" There is no way I would trust her, she is from District 2, the only district that has yet to fall to the rebellion. If anything, I imagine she would be trying her best to show loyalty to the Capitol by giving away the escape route. This thought makes my breath come in short gasps. What if that is what happened and Peeta and the others are lying in those tunnels, dead.

"No. We didn't trust her. But, from what Annie told us, Peeta wouldn't leave her behind. They were almost discovered because of his act of chivalry." That sounds just like the Peeta I know. He would never leave someone behind, not if he thought he had a chance to save them. And, how many times have I done just the opposite of that? And, yet, here I am and Peeta lies dead. In a tunnel. The thought almost makes my dinner come up.

"I don't know if she has proven to be loyal to Peeta or not, but we have no reason to believe that they didn't make it to the tunnel. We just don't know where they are now." I think Haymitch is trying to reassure me, but it's not working. "Annie had a realization that she was in danger, a day or two after they left. We believe she is still in the Capitol, that they have blocked her escape. I don't think that Peeta and the others have been seen. Because, if they were, their death as traitors to the Capitol would have made national news." No news is good news? I know he's telling the truth, but he's also made it aware that he's thought the same things in his mind, about them being possibly dead. I can also see why Finnick is desperate to get going. The longer we sit here, the less of a chance we have to help Peeta and Annie make it out alive.

"Beetee has agreed to help provide us with weapons. He has access to most of the armory. I think he's even working on developing some weaponry with new technology, just for you." Beetee winks at me, with a mischievous grin on his face. I'm beginning to have a really soft spot in my heart for the old guy. "We just need to find a way to distract Coin, then get you in there to find out what is going on inside the Capitol, and we need to move quick. I will stay here, to monitor the Rebellion's progress. But, Katniss, you need to know that I can't stop Coin from bombing the Capitol. You're going to have a very small amount of time to reach Annie and find Peeta. And, even then, I have no idea what you're going to find."

I swallow hard, knowing exactly what he's telling me. I may sneak into the Capitol, only to find that Peeta has died. And, even if he is still alive, there is no guarantee that any of us will make it out before the bombs start dropping. But, if there's ever been one choice so crystal clear to me, it's this. I am going to find Peeta. Because, for me to not try, life won't be worth living.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Finnick, Beetee, and Haymitch have all left, to go back to their living quarters for the night. That leaves Gale and I, alone in the garden with the bees. I vaguely remember the rolls I stuffed in my pocket earlier and take them out. They are a little deformed, but still edible. I hand one to Gale and he unwraps the cheese from the napkin in his hand and sits down next to me on the bench. "Watch out for the splinters," is my weak attempt at a conversation. I sit there in silence, nibbling on my mangled bread and warm cheese, thinking about what lies ahead of us. It reminds me of the day of reaping, when Prim's name was drawn. I keep going back to that day, wishing I could change the way things had happened. If only someone else's name had been drawn, I would never have known Peeta's feelings about me. He would be just another boy Tribute from District 12, Gale and I would still be hunting in the woods together. But, would it really have been that easy to dismiss Peeta? A part of me thinks no. He was the boy with the bread and, even though we never talked to each other, I still would have been hoping for him to come back home alive.

"Katniss, what were you going to tell me, before Haymitch stopped you?" Oh, I had almost forgotten about that. The Avoxes. Darius. I have already told Gale about the red-headed girl, who I was shocked to see as one of our servers before the first Games. So, I go on to tell the story of how, upon our arrival in the Capitol, Darius had become her partner. Snow had turned him into an Avox, probably for not enforcing all the Capitol's rules in District 12. Although Darius was a Peacekeeper, he had become a friend to Gale and I, and enjoyed the bounty of our illegal poaching in the woods as much as anyone. In fact the Hob, which was our town's black market, was one of his favorite hangouts. I have guilt over Darius' fate as well. The Capitol would have never known about his negligence if I hadn't shown them I could hunt in the Games. Too many lives of innocent bystanders seem to dovetail with my involvement in the Games. It would have been so much better for me to die in the arena.

I look up to see a green and yellow butterfly land on the thyme plant. From my vantage point, you can hardly tell it's there, the colors blend in so well. "You know, it's not your fault about Darius. He had signed on with the Capitol to be a Peacekeeper. He was the one who decided to not follow their rules." I can feel Gale's eyes looking at me, but I just can't bring myself to meet his gaze. I know that Gale doesn't feel as sorry for Darius as I do, because Darius was a part of the enemy, the Capitol. But, the shame I felt upon seeing him turned into an Avox was overwhelming. No one deserves that, not even someone who supposedly works for the very people that delight in sending children to their death or sentencing others to a life of silence for being so-called traitors.

"I think it's time to start back for the night. I'm tired. This day has been the longest day of my life." It might have sounded petty to Gale, but I don't care. I'm mentally finished. Too many emotions and thoughts have run the course of this day and my head is going to explode if I sit here any longer, ruminating on things I can't change.

Gale escorts me back to the hospital ward. Thankfully this is my last night here. I can't wait to go sleep in the apartment with my mother and Prim, where there is more separating me from the world than a flimsy white curtain. I'm really beginning to hate the color white.

I don't bother to change out of my clothes. For one, I don't even know what I'd change into. And secondly, I want to feel the softness of these garments that Cinna made for me on my body for as long as possible. I wish to go back in time, to a day where troubles weren't always swimming through my mind. I wish I could think of a happy story that didn't involve anyone that has died, been hurt, or is in trouble now. Problem is, I don't know any. It seems as if death and tribulation have followed me around my whole life.

I toss and turn, slipping in and out of sleep, until I can't take it anymore. I hop up, put on my shoes and decide to go for a walk around District 13. I stuff Gale's map in my pocket and slip out from behind my curtain on hunter's feet, hopeful that the nurses won't see me escaping their watch. When I make it to the hallway, I let out a tiny sigh of relief. Now, just to figure out where I'm going. It's still too early for the cafeteria to be open and I doubt if Gale is awake yet. I don't have clearance to go back to Weapons Development, but I don't really know what I would do there even if I could get in. That leaves only one other place to go, other than outside. The library.

The elevator ride wasn't bad. I didn't get lost and nobody has seen me. Two positives in my opinion. I look around at the room in front of me, full of wooden bookshelves stuffed with books. I see sections marked "Children's", "Adult", "Reference", and I am astounded by how much a person could probably learn here. But, honestly, I've never been much of a reader. Now that I'm here, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I wander down the aisles, picking up a book here and there to look at it's cover. Nothing interests me, until I see a book about artists. On the cover is a picture of sunset, done in watercolor. It's beautiful. I skim through the pages and see a sketch of a bird, soaring among the treetops. I quickly turn it only to find a picture of something that looks like the morphling addicts from District 6 would have done. I set the book back down with a thud, it's bringing up way too many memories.

I have nowhere to go, nothing to do with myself, other than sit down in a chair and let my thoughts trail to what kind of plan Haymitch is going to contrive to get us into the Capitol. I go round and round in my mind, trying to exhaust every possibility. I close my eyelids and scoot myself down in the chair, trying to bring back the image of that blazing yellow and orange sunset that I shared with Peeta. Just as my mind has found an inner peace, I snap my eyes open.

I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before now. I run back to the elevator and quickly push the buttons. I wasn't careful enough in my selection, so I end up in the ventilation room. To my credit, I realize the mistake and this time take a little extra effort to send myself to the right place. Gale's apartment door is locked, and I wouldn't normally be this rude, especially since the rest of his family is in there with him, but I need to tell him about my plan. Besides, it has to be close enough to daylight, although it's hard to tell when you're locked away underground.

I knock on the door, softly at first but then find myself giving hard little pounds. I wait for a few minutes and still no one has answered. I'm just about to turn on my heel and try to find Haymitch's apartment, when the door slowly opens. It's Gale, and he's only wearing his pajama pants. This shouldn't have taken me off guard, because I'm the one knocking on his door early in the morning, but it does. "Katniss, everything okay?" His voice sounds scratchy from being asleep, and I can't stop staring at his dark, curly chest hairs. "Uh...I'll come back later." I can feel the hotness on my cheeks and silently wish I could melt myself into the floor. "What time is it anyway? You had to have a reason to be here this early, pounding on my door" says Gale. Okay. I did have a reason, but now it feels like it can wait until morning. I suppose that doesn't make much sense since I've already woken him up. "Yeah. I did. But, it can wait until morning. You were still asleep. I'll just meet you for breakfast." I nod my head, trying to get Gale to nod along with me. Instead, he says, "Just a minute. Let me get dressed. Stay there, okay?" If I could be certain of escaping from the hallway without him searching me out, I'd do it. But, I know Gale. And, now that I've already woken him from slumber, he's not going to just let me slink away.

Gale comes out, a few minutes later, and we start walking down the hall. "So, what's so important that you had to wake me up this early?" I can tell from his voice that he's not angry with me, but I'm not sure how to start. "I couldn't sleep. So, I ended up in the library. And, then I found this book on art. But, it brought back all these awful memories, so I put it back down." I stop because Gale is looking at me with a puzzled expression. I know what I'm saying isn't making sense, so I just blurt out, "I have a plan. To get into the Capitol."

"And, this plan of yours, does it involve a book about art?" I must sound crazy to him. But, it's kind of a crazy idea. "Yes," I say breathlessly. I'm pretty sure now he thinks I've lost whatever sense was left in my body. "Okay. Let's go somewhere and talk. Maybe get some fresh air." He looks at his watch and back to me. "This way. We might be able to watch the sunrise." I let him herd me into another elevator, but this time it shoots us straight up. It's an exhilarating feeling and by the time we reach the top, I've got goose bumps on my arms.

When the doors open it takes me a minute to figure out where I am. Outside. Where there is a breeze blowing against my face and the beginning of a rosy hue on the horizon. Gale puts his jacket over my shoulders and we start walking off, towards the edge of the compound. I see some livestock, off in a small pasture to our right, but the rest of the concrete pad is surrounded by woods. This is a completely different picture than what the Capitol has painted of District 13. Although there are still large pock marks on the earth, marking where the bombs were dropped, they've all but been erased by nature.

Gale leads me to an even patch of green grass on the edge of the woods, facing the pasture, and we sit there, quietly watching the sunrise. "So, what's your big plan?" says Gale. I look towards the woods and use them as my reference. "You see how the dark and lights of the shadows play in the woods? And, how sometimes, even animals can blend themselves in so well that a hunter can walk right past it's prey?" I have commanded his full attention now, and he says "Go on." I start by explaining to him how Peeta camouflaged himself in the mud so well that I couldn't see him. Then, how Haymitch, Cinna, and even Plutarch Heavensbee played their game of deception with the Capitol so brilliantly, that they never saw it coming, kind of like camouflage. "I'm going to suggest to Coin that Heavensbee and I do an interview, in District 1, where the Rebellion has just taken control. To help rally the forces of the Rebellion together, to speak as their Mockingjay."

Gale says, "But I thought you hated all that camera stuff. Why would you want to do that now?"

I can't help but smile at my cleverness. "I do hate it. But, don't you see, this is the last thing they expected me to do. If we can get to District 1, then we're basically on the outskirts of the Capitol. Plutarch can pretend to make the shooting take as long as we need. With a little camouflage..."

"You think we can sneak in past the tunnel. Undetected." Gale says. Yes. Yes I do. Even more so since it's just the three of us going in. "I'm going to need my prep team. They are going to have to help us become unseen. And, of course, I'll need them there to do the mock-interview, to make it look legitimate." The more I play this scenario through in my mind, the more I think it could just possibly work. All we need is for Haymitch to pitch the idea for us in front of Coin. I look down to see that my fingers have been busy making a fishing lure out of grass. I hand it to Gale, "Here. For you." He studies it in his hand, and then looks out towards the first beams of sunlight that have started to dance across the pasture. "I guess this is it then. We'd better go tell Haymitch." I guess this is it. I don't know why Gale said that with such a note of finality in his voice. We stand up and walk back towards the entrance of District 13, and I find myself looking forward to the possibility of what the future holds in store for us.

**Author's Note: I would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to leave a comment or review for me. It's great, really, to know that I'm not the only one reading this! So, thanks for following me as this story progresses. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: For whatever reason, this chapter showed up yesterday, with only half of it there! Augh! Much to my horror, I might add. Then, the site was down for me this morning. So, the long and short of it is... reread the chapter. Most likely you've missed half the story! Sorry!**

Chapter 11

As soon as we start back towards the living quarters, Gale and I both realize that it's way too early to bother Haymitch. Most likely, he's drunk himself into oblivion and we'd be wasting our time to try and wake him out of it. Plus, the possible sight of seeing Haymitch in his pajamas makes my stomach lurch. Better to wait a few hours.

We decide to head to the cafeteria, in hopes that the doors will be open for breakfast. Thankfully, when we arrive, the lights are on and breakfast is laid out. The buffet tables are filled to the brim with fresh fruit and cereals, and it looks like the ladies behind the counter have eggs and sausage to serve. Hardly anyone else is here at this hour, so it feels like we have the place to ourselves. "Here, catch!" I playfully throw a blackberry towards Gale, and he has just enough time to look up and leap to the left to catch it in his mouth. I'm always amazed at how swiftly his body can move, and it brings a smile to my face. Next, he throws a cinnamon roll at me, and as I lunge forward to catch it, I accidently knock over a basket of grapes. The cafeteria help is looking at us now, with scowls on their faces. But Gale and I are both laughing hysterically, trying to pick up the grapes that have managed to roll all over the place. This is how it used to be, when we were at ease in each other's company. "It's good to laugh again," I think.

We find a table in a far corner and start digging in. I'm hallway through my plate of scrambled eggs when Gale clears his throat, and pushes his own plate away. "Katniss. I need to tell you something." Gale's voice is soft, and as I look up at him, he shifts his focus to his own plate of eggs, which look untouched. "I wasn't fair to you, after the Games. I realize now that I was asking for too much from you when you weren't ready." That I couldn't agree with more. I watch him, waiting for him to go on. Silence. Am I supposed to say something here?

"Okay." I manage to get the words out, thinking he's going to say more. But, still he sits there, watching the eggs.

"I don't know why I acted that way. I was just... I was thinking of you and me, and about all of our time spent together hunting. We were good hunting partners." I nod my head in agreement. He was the best hunting partner, and I've missed having him by my side in the woods. "Then, you left for the games. And while you were... saving Peeta, I was with your mom and Prim, watching it happen on the t.v. back home." My chest tightens. I want to tell him how I know that must have been hurtful. I still remember thinking about the phantom girl, and how much I hated her for kissing Gale. But, that wasn't one of my proudest moments, so I keep it to myself.

"I was mad at you and I hated Peeta. It wasn't your fault, I see that now. But, knowing you were going to have a life with Peeta, it just... it wasn't fair." His face is turned away from me, I wish he would look at me. A well of emotions is making it's way up my throat now, and my inmost being wants to scream out "I know! It wasn't fair! Not to anyone!" but instead I just sit there, watching him, biting my lip while I try to think of the right thing to say. "Katniss, I never knew how much I cared about you, until you were gone. And then it was too late."

I turn his face towards mine and I look into those gray eyes, ones that are spilling forth with sadness. And my heart breaks. "I never knew how much you were to me either Gale. When I first left for the Games, it was all I could do to not think of you and of home. How I might never see you again." I can't stop the tears now, they just keep piling up on top of each other. "And you'll never know how happy I was when I realized that, after we won the Games, I was getting the chance to come back." It's true. Whatever I felt for Peeta during our time in the arena was all but wiped away on the trip back to District 12.

"But what about now, Katniss?" his voice has become a little louder, and I'm thankful there aren't very many people in here to overhear us. "I watched the Quell Games. It was different, the way you looked at Peeta, how you were doing everything you could to protect him. How you're still trying to protect him." Peeta is my friend, of course I'm going to try and save him. There have been way too many lives lost due to my handiwork. He goes on, "But, there was more to it this time than survival." Was there? All of our emotions were running so high. I was thinking about facing my own death, while trying to keep Peeta alive, that there was no room in my mind for anything else. If that isn't about survival, then what is? Suddenly, this whole conversation doesn't seem fair to me. My whole relationship, if that's what you can call it, with Peeta had been manipulated by the Capitol from the very beginning. Gale knows that! Why is he pushing this now, when he knows that we have no choice but to go back into the Capitol to rescue him?

"Katniss, I saw how you reacted when Peeta hit the force field. I watched the way that you kissed him on the beach. It was so, it was... _real_. I wanted that for myself. But, I don't think that can happen now, because I think... I'm pretty sure you love him." I do? Because, according to Peeta, I love Gale. He told me as much when he showed me the mockingjay locket that hung around his neck. And yet, here I am, still not really knowing what I think about either of them! This whole conversation, about what I am supposedly feeling or not feeling, is making me furious. My hands are shaking and I drop my fork onto my plate of food. I've lost my appetite. I shove the plate away from me, ready to get up and storm out of here. But, before I can go, Gale softens his voice again. "Sit down, please. I want to finish what I have to say. This has been a long time coming." I knew that this discussion was going to happen at some point, but I was totally unprepared for it to happen now.

"Gale... don't. I can't do this right now," I say. And it's true. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to continue with this conversation.

Gale takes my hands in his, and I close my eyes, to try and shut out the words that I'm afraid are coming next. "I will always have a place for you in my heart Katniss. You know everything about me, and the time we've spent together...it can never be replaced." I open my eyes to watch as a single tear forms at the corner of Gale's eye and then, like a drop of rain, races down his cheek and falls to the table. "I want us to be friends again, to try and fix everything that has broken between us. To me, your friendship is enough." My own tears are rapidly falling now and my throat is tight. I want to be friends with him again, it's what I've been longing for ever since I came home from the Games. This should make me happy. Instead, I feel miserable. Of course we can make our friendship work. It's just the thought that I might be missing out on a future with Gale, it won't leave me. He has me pulled into his arms now, giving me a reassuring squeeze, just as loud hiccup escapes me. It's funny and devastating, all at the same time.

We're still standing that way when a voice comes from behind me, saying, "Are you the ones that spilled all the grapes earlier? Because I had to give the old, hunched over lunch lady a kiss, just to get some back on the table." Finnick is eyeing our plates of fruit, overflowing with the grapes we spilled on the floor earlier, in mock disapproval. I let out a small laugh, wondering if it was Greasy Sae he had to sweeten up. I wipe away my tears and Gale and I sit back down, with Finnick joining us. Although I haven't quite recovered my appetite, I finish the cold eggs because it seems wasteful to throw them out. Gale, on the other hand, has abandoned his breakfast and started to inform Finnick of our plan to get into the Capitol. I listen to them talk, wondering at the same time if I can really pull off being interviewed by Heavensbee without Peeta by my side. He was always so comfortable in front of the cameras whereas I would have rather been faced with a raging muttation than be on the screen. Especially by myself. I shake my head to clear it, thinking that if everything goes well, they won't even have to air that interview. It's main purpose is just for a distraction to Coin after all.

When Finnick and Gale have finished their conversation, we all agree that it's time for someone to go and wake up Haymitch, to inform him of our plan so that he can talk to Coin. We decide the only fair way is to draw straws. Of course, the odds never seem to be in my favor, and I end up drawing the shortest straw. I swing my legs off the bench and head off towards the apartments to find Haymitch, hoping that he isn't covered in vile stench.

I find his door unlocked and help myself in. He's sprawled out on the bed, looking dead to the world. I wait a few seconds, just to make sure he's still breathing, before I head over to the sink and fill up a glass with cold water. We've only been in District 13 a little over a week, but his apartment is already disgusting. I step over piles of dirty clothes and patches of dried liquid to get back to the bed. I do my trademark wake-up call and empty the entire contents of the glass on his face. Just as I thought, he flings himself upwards in bed, muttering a string of obscenities before he sees me off to the side. "Rise and shine, sweetheart" my voice rings out as throw some clothes that seem clean to him . "We've got a big, big, big day ahead of us. You have to go and convince Coin and Heavensbee of our plan to break into the Capitol." Haymitch is up and drying off his face, telling me to get out of here, but I don't budge.

"What brilliant idea did you come up? Are we going to dress you up like a Mockingjay and hope you can fly into the Capitol?"

"Close guess, but not quite. I'm going to let Heavensbee interview me in District 1 and he's going to cover for us until we can get into the Capitol and out again." I can't help but smirk, thinking the plan is really going to work. "I need you to get my prep team to meet us there too. They're going to have to help us."

I'm waiting for Haymitch to applaud me for actually being able to make a plan, but instead he just laughs. "You'll never be able to pull it off. Not without the boy right beside you. The only time you've shown any personality in front of an audience is when you're about to kill someone." Well, okay, that's somewhat true. But, the whole interview is just a guise, so it won't matter if it's awful. Nobody is ever going to see it. "It's not going to be a real interview. We're just going to tell Coin that we're filming, that it's going to take a few days to get the footage we need. When, in reality, it's only going to take an hour or so to film something. In that time, we'll already be in the Capitol. There's nothing she can do if we're already in."

"Nothing but bomb the hell out of the place. Not to mention possibly punish the people that she thinks helped you. The Rebellion is close to capturing District 2. You're going to have to make it real, sweetheart. Otherwise, it's not going to work." Haymitch makes a good point. I hadn't thought about what would exactly happen if she did find out that we were going against her orders.

"Fine. I'll do it. I can be charming, if I really try. The people in the Capitol liked me. And, the people in the Districts with the uprisings, they seemed to think I was okay." Haymitch just rolls his eyes at me, and tells me to get out. He's going to talk to Heavensbee and see if it's even a possibility for us to get to District 1. After that, then they'll make the pitch to Coin. I thank him over and over again for at least trying to see if this plan will work, but he just slams the door in my face.

Once again, I find myself with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I wander over to door number 74 and knock. I don't even have a key to get into the apartment where my family is. Prim opens the door and lets me in. Her and mother are just getting ready to leave for breakfast and ask me to join them, but I tell them I've already eaten. And, since sleep wouldn't come last night, I'm feeling tired now. After they leave, I fling myself down on the bed that is mine and stare at the white ceiling. I can't wait to get out of District 13. I close my eyes and try to clear my mind of being in front of a camera crew again.

When I awake, it's to a knock on the apartment door. I have no idea how long I've been asleep, but it was long enough to leave deep sleep marks on the side of my face. I notice a drool spot on my pillow. Nice. When I open the door, Finnick is standing there, popping blueberries in his mouth. "You wanna be the blue in my berry?" he purrs out. I groan at his one liners, they are so pathetic. "Care if I come in?" he asks, but he's already moving past me, so I close the door behind us. "What's up, Finnick?" I ask. He apparently has some reason to be here, bothering me. "You missed lunch. Just checking on you." I missed lunch? "What time is it?" I ask, almost in a panic. I don't have time to sleep away, not when we need to prepare for our mission.

"Afternoon. Don't worry, the cafeteria is still open." He's smiling at me now, and I know he's making fun of me. "Thought you'd want to know that we've got the okay to leave for District 1 tonight." We did? "That's great! When are we leaving? Now? Why didn't you come get me earlier?" My voice is reverberating against the walls, I can't hide my excitement. "The Rebellion thinks it's safest to fly at night, and we're leaving tonight. Gale's going to come get you at dusk. You need to go see Beetee before we leave, he has a few things for you. And, Katniss, you can't tell your mom or sister what you're doing, just in case." I had already figured as much. My heart is pounding in my chest. I've never been so anxious to go to the Capitol before.

Finnick walks me down to Weapons Development and through the security. Beetee meets us inside and ushers us down the corridor marked "Development and Research" and into a little room that I assume is his office. He thrusts a simple looking bow into my hands, one that is very similar to my own that I used in the woods of District 12. "Looking at it, you wouldn't think it's much. I thought you might be more comfortable with a design similar to the one you had at home. But, wait till you try it out." My fingers slide over the sleek surface, and the string which looks like a thin hair of gold. I pull at it, instantly feeling that it's tension is stronger than I had anticipated. "I invented the stringing, you know. It's made to sense what the person holding the weapon wants to hit. And, it has pinpoint accuracy." Next he hands me a quiver of arrows, which all look individually unique. "You will find that these are not just ordinary arrows, Katniss. They each have a will of their own, you could say. You'll have to try them out to see for yourself what I mean." I can't wait, just point me to the targets. Instead, Beetee has me moving onto the next set of gadgets he's designed. Some type of fire retardant in a little can that puts out blazes by sucking all the oxygen out of the room. "Just in case you become the girl on fire again," he says. I pause, remembering Peeta and I in our flaming costumes before the Capitol crowd. It seems like such a long time ago. He goes on and on, showing me little things that I'll carry in my backpack. Then, finally, he hands me some type of military outfit, similar to what I'd seen Coin in. He tells me to go try it on quick, but not to push any buttons until I come back out. So I duck into the restroom outside his office and change. When I look in the mirror, my image takes me aback. There stands a girl, thin and pale, with dark circles under her eyes. She has on a fitted top and pants, made of some type of stretchy material. There are buttons on my collar, but I don't push them for fear of what might happen. I walk back into his office and Finnick lets out a whistle. I shoot him daggers, but Beetee just says, "Very well then. Let's have a try." And, with the push of a button near my collar, some type of skin-like flap folds out of my shirt under my armpits. "Want to take it for a test spin?" Beetee is asking me. I have no idea what he is talking about. He tells me to bring along my bow and arrows.

The next thing I know, we're out in a big room with a sign labeling it "Testing." Beetee tells me to climb to the top of a tower that is constructed in the middle of the room. I'm not so sure about this. Finnick taunts me, "You scared of heights?" No, I've never been afraid of heights. It's just, I'm worried about what Beetee wants me to do when I get to the top. I start climbing stairs. When I get to the top and look down, I realize I must be a good 100 feet in the air. I take a gulp when I hear what Beetee says next. "Jump Katniss! Spread out your wings and fly, I think it should work!" He _thinks_ it should work? There is no way I'm jumping off this thing. But, before I can turn around, I feel Finnick giving me a big push off the landing. I've lost my balance and find myself hurtling towards the ground. "Spread out your arms! Now! Right now!" I hear Beetee screaming at me. My stomach is in my throat and I've shut my eyes to block out the impact of my body as it hits the floor. But, after a few seconds go by and my body hasn't broken into a thousand pieces, I open my eyes. I'm gliding around the room, the flaps are allowing me to sail above the ground. I try maneuvering myself in the air, tilting this way and that as I slowly circle down to Beetee. I am flying!

"That was amazing!" I exclaim when my feet hit the ground. Never before have I felt such a rush of adrenaline through my body. "Thank you. I'm pretty proud of it myself." Beetee smiles back to me. "You were the first to test it out, so I'm glad it worked!" I was the first to test it out? I think I might have to kill Finnick for pushing me off that landing. And, I'm beginning to think that behind the facade of a innocent looking old guy, Beetee is a madman. "In that case, I'm glad it worked too" I gulp.

"Next up, let's try out that bow and arrows." Beetee is directing me towards a large area with round black and white targets about 150 feet away from us. "I want you to try and hit the tiny speck of red in the center." He's asking me to find a needle in a haystack. I can't even make out the red speck from here. But, I position the bow against my body and take a deep breath. I try to steady my arms as I reach back and, without breathing, release the arrow. If effortlessly flies through the air, faster than any arrow I've ever seen before. It sticks to the target with a decisive "Thud!" and Beetee is running to the other end, flapping his arms up and down and jumping. "Great shot! Great shot!" But, this is how I truly know he is a madman. He takes Finnick, who is by his side running up towards me again, and places him about 50 feet away from me, directly between me and the target. He gives Finnick instructions to stay still and then yells at me, "Go ahead and shoot the target again!" He has to be out of his mind. I put the bow down by my side and yell back, "No way, Beetee! I'm going to kill him! I can't shoot the target with Finnick in the way!" But, instead, I see Beetee hurrying up towards me.

"Go ahead. Finnick will be fine, as long as he stays put. Just think about hitting the red speck in the middle. Tell yourself that the arrow is not going to hit Finnick. Then let it fly!" He is crazy. I'm sure of it. But now Finnick is yelling at me, "Just do it. Maybe next he'll let me throw a trident at you. It'll be fun." Beetee is waving his arms at me, urging me on. I know he's not going to let me go without killing Finnick first. Fine.

I steady the bow against my body. I tell myself, "Hit the target. Don't kill Finnick. Hit the target. Don't kill Finnick." I close my eyes and pull back on the arrow. _Whoosh. _I wait for the scream of pain from Finnick, but there isn't any. Instead, I hear the dull thud of the arrow sinking itself into the target. I open my eyes to Beetee jumping around like a little kid in a candy store. "What just happened?" I think to myself. I should have kept my eyes open. I ask Beetee if I can do it again, and he gives me a generous head shake. Finnick just rolls his eyes and yells out something obscene to me. I load the arrow into the bow again, repeat my thoughts about not killing Finnick, and watch as the arrow flies straight towards Finnick before making the slightest curvature around him, then keeping straight on with the target. It's astounding.

Before I can keep shooting, Finnick is striding towards me, telling me it's time to go. "I could stay here all day," I think. I cannot thank Beetee enough for all of the wonderful things he's managed to create for me. And, although he may be a madman, he's a genius inventor. "I need to get back to my room, to pack a few things before we leave. I'll see you later tonight." Finnick leaves me at the elevator to the living quarters. I suppose I need to pack a few things as well, but I don't even know what's in my room. Instead, I let my thoughts travel to what lies ahead of me. And, for maybe the first time ever, I'm beginning to think the odds are in my favor.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I stand in front of the elevator for a minute or two, trying to decide if I want to go get something to eat in the cafeteria, or just go back to the apartment and start packing. My mind is racing with thoughts about the new weapons Beetee has designed for me. The fact that I'm going to have to be charming for Heavensbee to make this plan work. Just how quickly we'll need to move once we're inside the Capitol to find Peeta and Annie. And finally, to the words Gale spoke to me this morning. I lean my back against the wall and slide down, letting my head rest against the wall. I'm not sure what to make of my feelings for Gale. Or Peeta.

The elevator opens and my mother and Prim walk out, chatting about some new type of medical procedure they just witnessed this morning. "Oh, hey! Katniss! What are you doing here? We missed you for lunch." Prim is extending her hands to me, helping to lift me up off the ground. Her light blue eyes are so full of life, they seem to dance against her delicate features. How can her eyes seem that vibrant when the world around me looks so bleak?

I don't want them to know what I've really been up to, so I say, "Finnick and I went for a walk. We're leaving for District 1 tonight. Plutarch Heavensbee is going to film an interview with me, to kind of rally support for the Rebellion." I try to sound upbeat and excited about it, but Prim just gives me a sideways glance, before continuing, "Well, mother and I were just headed back to the apartment to read about a new procedure they're going to start in the hospital ward. Why don't you come with us? We haven't really had much time to visit." I agree. And, maybe this will be an opportunity for me to try and start a conversation with my mother. I did, after all, decide that it was time for me to try and set things right between us.

Prim shows me to a dresser that has my things in it. One drawer full of clothes, another houses undergarments. I open the top drawer to find it empty, except for a tiny silver parachute, a tube of medicine, and the spile. I pick up the parachute, running my fingers over the silky material, feeling the small bump that lets me know my gift from Peeta is still secure. The pearl. I sit down on my bed and fish the pearl out of the fragile fabric. As it rolls around in my palm I take note of it's iridescent surface. It doesn't hold the same beauty here as it did in the sunlight.

"Mother. I am sorry." My comment takes her off guard, and she sets her papers down and looks at me. "I'm sorry for how I've treated you." There. I said it. And, although I'm sure that even these words are lacking, I know that the point has not been lost on her. She slides next to me on my bed, and wraps her arms around me.

"Oh, Katniss. I've forgiven you a long time ago. If anything, I need to apologize to you, for how I was...after your father died. I gave up on life, and in doing so, I neglected the very gifts of life your father left with me. I am so sorry for that now. Please forgive me." I know that the words she speaks are true, I see them reflected back to me in the worn lines on her face. She had left Prim and I to die along with her in sadness. It was the very thing that planted the bitter seed of anger and distrust within me so many years ago. It's hard to forget those feelings of neglect, especially when it comes from someone who was supposed to be there to provide for you. Instead, at the tender age of 11, it became my responsibility to ensure our survival. Still, if I can't move past this with my mother now, who knows if we'll have another chance to repair our relationship. I think of Peeta and his family, time ran out for them to really say how they felt about each other. "I forgive you." The words come out slow and quiet, as if my mouth had to take time to form around each letter. These are words that I've never uttered before, words that I've never felt could be true before. Not until now.

As they are released from my body I can almost feel a heavy weight floating off with them. They are the very words that have encapsulated the grief from my father's death so many years ago. I had kept that sorrow closed off, deep within me. The memories come flooding back to me so rapidly, of the times that used to be before the dreadful day in the mine, that they threaten to drown me in my own tears. Prim comes around to my other side, and I find myself sandwiched between them in a tight embrace. "This is what it feels like to forgive" I think, in between sobs. And I allow them to hold me like that for as long as they want. Apart from my nights with Peeta, this is the closest I've felt to security in a long time.

I find myself recounting events to them of my father, things that I've never been able to speak about out loud before. Before long, mother has joined in, telling us about the first day she met our father. "I first noticed him at school, we were probably 10 years old. My friends and I were getting ready to walk home together, after the last bell rang. He appeared out of nowhere, offering me a bouquet of wild onion blooms. It was so funny! Of course, I knew they were wild onions, but he had no idea." The thought of my father not recognizing wild onion blooms takes me aback. He knew all the plants so well. I guess I just thought that he'd been that way his whole life. I remember him teaching me about the plants in the woods, and how it had taken me a while to learn all those things. I suppose it was the same for him, trial and error. The thought of Peeta handing me that same bouquet of pink and white blossoms passes through my mind, and how I so quickly dismissed him for doing so.

"Well, he didn't say anything to me for years. I think he was too embarrassed by my reaction to him. But, then one day out of the blue, he comes into my parent's shop to trade some plants from the woods. They were medicinal plants, ones that we could really use. And I realized that he had learned a lot since the day he brought me wild onions." I've heard bits and pieces of this story when I was younger, but it seems to mean so much more to me now, at this moment. "He kept coming in to trade and was always so friendly to me. Not to mention that he was quite handsome." I watch as my mother's face is so animated now, talking about my father. This reminiscing of him has brought a touch of youth back to her eyes. "Then one day, he came in and asked if we could go for a walk. I knew my father would never approve, but I said yes anyway! Oh, we had such a lovely time. We walked to the edge of the meadow and then he sang this song to me, about how the meadow laughs and sings. It was beautiful." I think I remember the song she's talking about, it's called Spring Meadow. Father used to sing that to us, just after the first frost had gone away and the tender plants were just beginning to unfurl. "The birds would fall silent when your father sang, waiting for him to finish. And then, when he was done, the air would fill with their song. Singing it back to him." I see the far off look in my mother's eyes now and it's unmistakable that her heart still belongs to my father.

"My parents did not approve of me being seen out and about with a boy from the Seam. They wanted me to marry a son of a merchant. So, I ran off with him instead. And I never looked back!" Hadn't Peeta's father told him the same story? "He made my life so happy. He gave me two beautiful daughters." She's hugging us again, and a lump has formed in the back of my throat. "I would do it all again. His love made me a better person and pierced me to the depths of my soul. I hope that you both find that same type of love for yourselves someday."

I wish I had the same type of reference as my mother, to explain my thoughts to Peeta and my actions to Gale. I wish I had someone to tell me what to do. "Mother, what if your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you another? What if you can't bear to choose, because you think you might choose wrong? Is it better to go without?" Because in my mind, it's better to go on without the thought of having to choose between Gale or Peeta. Although I had never anticipated marriage, I know the both of them have.

"Katniss. Love is always worth fighting for and hanging onto. You should never try to run and hide from it. Trust your heart, and your head will follow. You will know it when you find it, because the feeling will consume you. You'll find yourself wanting more and more until... well, that's when you know it's time to get married." She pats my thigh, only the way a mother could, to make her point. Her indirect reference has made my cheeks flush, and I feel the need to quickly tell my mother that Peeta and I never did anything remotely close to that, trying to enforce the fact that marriage and babies were all part of an act to try and please President Snow. My mother just gives me a small chuckle, "Kaniss, you're a grown girl. I trust you to make the best decisions for yourself."

Prim is the first to notice that our afternoon is quickly becoming evening. I still need to pack my things and eat something quick before Gale arrives to pick me up. My mother and Prim help me to tuck my clothes neatly into a little bag. I tuck the pearl back into it's silver lining, and put it back on my dresser. I plan on taking it with me. The tiny pearl has come to symbolize my relationship with Peeta in my mind, and I can't bear to leave it behind. Next comes a quick shower. I dress in a simple green shirt and khaki pants, wondering what my prep team will try to make me wear tomorrow. Tomorrow. The interview. I ask my mother to braid my hair, like the way she did before the reaping. Her fingers move swiftly, and when she finishes she tells me to hold still and close my eyes.

"Prim was able to fashion it to fit inside one of my old pieces of jewelry. The chain isn't very shiny anymore, but I think it's strong enough to hold." I open my eyes to look down at the single pearl, perched in a locket around my neck. My hands run over the locket, worn with age. "It couldn't be more perfect. Thank you." Prim is smirking at me, "Well, I thought you needed something for good luck during your..._interview_." I refuse to meet her eyes, for fear that I'll give myself away.

The next few hours go swiftly by. Dinner in the cafeteria, then back to my apartment to wait for Gale. When he finally shows up, our clock shows that it's past eight o'clock. "Hey Catnip! You have your stuff packed and ready to go? We're going to leave through the Weapons Department. That's where the hangars for the hovercraft are." I hold up my one meager looking bag and he takes it from me. "Your hair looks pretty." He's trying to make small talk with me. I know he really wants our friendship to get back on track, and so do I. "Thanks. My mother did it. I asked her to." From any other girl, that probably wouldn't sound like a profound statement. But, Gale is aware of my tense relationship with my mother. He gives my hand a squeeze and responds with "That's real nice Katniss." I know he's proud of me for trying. And so am I. That's one thing, in this whole mess of death and destruction around us, that I've managed to do right.

Finnick meets us at the elevator and we ride in silence to the Weapons Department. When we arrive, Beetee greets us with a harried look on his face, making little snippets of conversation between us, "Katniss, remember to talk to your bow. It needs you, just like you need it. Finnick, same goes for you with the trident. Gale, I finagled with the snare wire some more. It should be perfect for you now. Don't forget your backpacks. Don't forget the extra suits, and extra weapons. Remember to give them clear instructions Finnick, do you understand?" I've never seen Beetee so tense before, not even in the arena. I wonder what he's so fired up about now?

As we exit to the outside of District 13 through the Weapons Department, I get my first glimpse of just how much they've managed to build up their military. A huge hangar, full of older looking hovercraft, is to my right. Haymitch and Heavensbee are standing next to the hangar, with Boggs right by their side. Haymitch raises one eyebrow to me as Plutarch rings out, "So glad to see you Katniss! I was afraid you might back out, last minute." If it weren't for Peeta's life at stake, I would probably take this opportunity to sprint away as fast as possible. "Finnick and you are in for a big treat. I have a blockbuster suprise for you when we arrive in District 1!" Oh great. A man who once found sport in throwing giant firebombs at me and sent ravaging muttations to tear me to shreds is now planning more surprises. "I can't wait." I say flatly.

As we board the hovercraft, I ask Haymitch if he has any last words of advice. "Move over kid. Last minute plan, I'm coming with you." My eyes flash to his in surprise as my body still blocks the entrance. "Not kidding. Move over, now. Boggs is coming with us too." What? We can't have Coin's right hand man watching over us, not when we need to go over our last minute details of slipping into the Capitol. My mouth is still gaping at Haymitch's words as Gale grabs my hand and keeps me moving forward. I don't know what to make of this turn of events. The one small hope of me not having to worry about this interview vanishes. And, if I'm not careful, so do our chances of rescuing the others.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: This is a long chapter. It had to be, so I hope you feel like sitting down and reading for a bit. Tell me what you think. We're almost to the Capitol...**

Chapter 13

Our ride to District 1 was long and uneventful. Still, sleep eluded me. The more I tried to convince myself that rest was necessary for survival, especially in the unknown days ahead of us, the more it stayed at bay.

Gale tried to help calm my fears after we boarded, telling me again how much of a nice guy Boggs is. "He's not a bad guy Katniss. I don't think he's going to be a problem. Coin probably sent him to act as extra security, so nobody would hurt you." The thought that there were people who would like to see me dead in District 1 came crushing down on me. I killed both of their tributes after all. District 1 didn't go down to the Rebellion without a fight and I imagine the likes of me showing up in their district could only bring feelings of hatred and revenge. I hadn't anticipated that when I made my plan. I was only thinking of how close we would be to the doors of the Capitol. The thought of me being killed before we even get a chance to go look for Peeta slams around in my head. I tell Gale that I need to go to sleep and he graciously leaves me alone.

But, instead I found myself practicing knots on a piece of rope from my backpack, and fingering my arrows. Beetee had told me to "Talk to you bow. It needs you, just as much as you need it." I found that to be an extraordinarily strange thing to say, especially since I hardly talk to the people around me. Maybe it'll be easier to talk to something that won't have an opinion about me, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. At least, not in front of the others. So instead I just run my fingers along it's smooth surface, wondering how many things we will come across together.

I also used the time to watch Boggs, who slept sitting up in a chair half the trip. I wonder how old he is? He looks close enough in age to my mother, maybe just a bit younger. It's hard to tell because the people from District 12 seem to age prematurely, while those at District 13 have managed to retain some youthfulness. The thought makes me dislike him even more.

I would have tried to find Haymitch, but he instantly distanced himself from me once we left District 13. I suppose he doesn't want to talk about the very thing that's keeping me awake. How are we going to get past Boggs once we finish our camera session? I know that Plutarch also wanted to interview Finnick. Thankfully he agreed to go on camera before me. His interview shouldn't take long, he's never had a hard time finding the right words to say. I ,on the other hand, could spell out disaster for our group. If I can't wrap up the interview in a few hours, then that delays our rescue of the others. Haymitch already told me that we only had three days to finish the camera shots and somehow get in and out of the Capitol. "Heavensbee has agreed to give you three days kid. The Rebellion is planning on making it's final push soon. You've got to get out of the Capitol before then, because you already know what Coin's plans are. Beetee has given us a satellite code to crack into the Capitol airwaves. We're going to play the interview there first, as a signal to you if anything changes. If you see yourself on the big screens in the Capitol, that means you've got to run sweetheart." The thought of seeing myself plastered all over the screens in the Capitol again gives my stomach a twist. At least this time will be the last for camera appearances. I hope.

When the time came to exit the hovercraft I looked awful. A mirror wasn't even necessary to prove that to myself. I just had to witness the faces of my prep team and Effie as they saw me for the first time since the Training Center. Plutarch was smart enough to get them out of the Capitol before the Quell Games began. Venia was the first to hug me, with big tears falling out of her eyes. "Katniss, you look absolutely horrible!" Flavius and Octavia were next, stroking my hair and poking at the dark circles under my eyes. "What are we going to do with this hair? And these dark circles? We only have hours to get you looking presentable. And, this time, we don't have..." Venia gasps and Octavia bursts into tears. Flavius is left hanging his head at the words, "Cinna." The mention of his name makes my head feel faint. I suddenly find myself enveloped in their arms, Flavius exclaiming, "She needs some air! Quick, breathe this!" A bottle of some type of noxious, pungent odor brings me back to my senses. Effie is ordering people to make space as my prep team, my little pets, are all gathered around me, stroking my face and gingerly handling me as if I'm made of glass.

They usher me into a tiny little apartment, with nothing in it except for a bed and a small bathroom that is shared with the next room. Gale, Haymitch, Finnick, Boggs... they're somewhere in similar apartments. I'm given orders by Effie to get some sleep. "You only have a few hours before your prep team will need you. Get some rest, we have a big, big, big day today!" Only Effie can manage to show excitement at the least exciting of tasks. I throw myself down on the bed, still fully clothed. I'm thankful for the solitude. Sleep comes to me quickly. Apart from my normal nightmares, I do feel rested when my prep teams arrives. Venia is dressed in some type of animal print leotard while Octavia is decked out in a tight fitting purple dress that perfectly matches Flavius' shade of lipstick. What odd little creatures they are, yet my affections continue to grow for them. I can't help but pity what their lives might be like if they were forced to live somewhere like District 12.

Once again, I allow myself to be putty in their hands, letting them lead me back to a room all prepared to remake me into what the people want to see. A girl who has no flaws. A girl who stood up to the forces of tyranny and led the people to Rebellion. A girl so strong that nothing can stand in her way of freedom. If only they knew what I really am. A girl who hasn't really put anyone first except for herself. A girl who ignited a fire in Panem that cost thousands their lives. A girl who once held out berries in her hand, not knowing that it would prove disastrous for all those around her. Those berries, _what was I thinking when I held out those berries? _

I have no time to mull that over though, because my prep team has finished plucking, waxing, rubbing, and pulling at my body. All that is left is for me to get dressed. I have no idea what I'm going to wear, other than the locket that I wouldn't let them remove from around my neck. Venia hands me a sketch book and I recognize it instantly. I flip through the pages but all I see is the painful memory of helplessly watching Cinna as he was beaten bloody by the peacekeepers. They want me to pick something out, but I can't do it. "There's too many memories. I can't pick anything. I don't care what you put me in, you choose." And I throw the book back to them and slump to the ground, head in my hands. "Katniss. We know it's hard for you. But, Cinna... he wouldn't want us to be this way." Flavius is talking to me, placing the sketch book back in my hands. "I think you should look at some of the last pages. He was most proud of those. I think he knew just how things would be, and he didn't leave you unprepared." Why didn't they tell me that when they first handed me the book?

I flip instantly to the last few pages and draw a sharp breath in. The sketches are amazing. The first one is of a military outfit, the same one that Beetee had given me, except without Beetee's crazy alterations. I let out a small laugh thinking how Cinna would react if he knew what Beetee had done to his creation. The second one is a gray suit, that looks like it covers every inch of me from head to toe. The colors blend together, in alternating shades of gray, brown and white. It almost looks like the side of a mountain. I say this again, out loud, and watch as my prep team smiles and nods their heads back to me. "It's a suit to get me in through the tunnel, isn't it? One that blends me in with the rocks?" Amazing. He planned on me going back in to rescue Peeta. Cinna knew what I would have wanted to do if Peeta didn't make it out with me.

Now I find myself flipping through the pages frantically, searching through all the sketches, trying to figure out just where Cinna thought my path in life would go. The drawings pick up with glittering ballroom dresses and then change to simple flowing dresses in pale, muted colors. I see one dress, it's the color of green clover with sleeves that extend past my elbows and is long enough to go past my knees. It's my favorite so far, and I point it out to Flavius who only says, "Excellent choice." Then he's running out the door to fetch it.

I keep looking through the pages. There are casual outfits for each season of the year, even a few hunting outfits interspersed here and there. But it's the last page that leaves my mouth gaping wide open. A simple white sleeveless dress that gracefully sweeps the floor, with a pale green ribbon sash around my waist. A strand of pearls around my neck. And a handsome looking black suit and tie in coordinating colors to match the dress. Cinna's intentions concerning the dress and use thereof are obvious. Although it's much different than all of the large, puffy silken white gowns I tried on months ago, it can only be for one occasion. A wedding. What isn't so obvious, however, is who the suit was designed for. I shut the book quietly and close my eyes to think for a moment. Why did Cinna feel the need to design a wedding dress for me? It's perfect really. Much more my style than any of the others that were delivered to my door. But, did he really think I would get married after all of this? And if I did, that I would make a big public appearance doing so? I wish he were here so that I could ask him.

After I'm dressed and my finishing touches are done, I twirl around once just for my prep team. They let out, "Ooohs" and "Aaaahs" which I recognize well enough by now to know that they are pleased with me. I steal a quick glance at myself in the mirror and am amazed at how much I still look the same as I did when I first left for the Hunger Games. All of the brutality and death that has encompassed my life for the past months is hardly evident on the seemingly flawless face reflected back at me. For all of the shame and guilt that has eaten away at my insides, my shell of a body still seems untouched. I think of all the scars that have been seemingly erased from my skin, and I yearn for each and every one of them. I long for the girl staring back at me to tell me who I really am.

Just then, Effie Trinket comes bursting through the door, announcing that it's time for me to come on the set. She embraces me lightly, and then says, "I'm so glad you are finally looking forward to camera crews. It's such a shame Peeta couldn't be here with you today. Perhaps another time?" Did she just say it's a shame that Peeta wasn't here? Does she have any idea how much danger his life is in right now? I just nod my head in agreement though. To make Effie unhappy now would only add to time wasted on trying to get through this interview and then out of here. "I wish he were here too Effie." For once, a statement that rings true to the very core of my being.

Heavensbee greets us as we enter a small room full of cameras. In front of them is a small black stage with two oversized white leather chairs. Finnick is still in one of them, chatting easily with a man whose dark gren hair is perfectly manicured and is sporting a suit the most brilliant color of orange I've ever seen. And, for a moment, I'm speechless. "I told you I had a blockbuster surprise for you! Aren't you glad to see your old friend, Ceasar Flickerman again? You've done so well being interviewed by him in the past, that I couldn't pass on the opportunity to get him here now. You and he make for good televison!" Every image that I have of myself with Ceasar Flickerman is with Peeta by my side. I'm not sure I can do this now. I don't have a clue what I'm going to talk about, not without Peeta to help me. I bring a nail to my mouth, but Octavia slaps it away and shakes her finger at me.

Next thing I know, Finnick is passing by me with a serious look back on his face. "Make it count Katniss. I just told every secret I know of every dignitary or government worker in Panem. Those secrets held my life. Tell the truth, no matter how ugly it might be. This could be your last chance." I swallow whatever tiny amount of spit that's left in my mouth. My lips and throat both feel parched, although I've already drank two glasses of water and my lips are still full of shimmery gloss. Ceasar is motioning for me to come up on the stage and sit in the big chair next to him. I think of Finnick's words _"Tell the truth Katniss, no matter how ugly it is" _and I can't help but think of just how atrocious my interview with Ceasar might be.

"How are you Katniss? Are you ready to start?" I want to say that I'm absolutely not ready, not for any of this. I've never been ready. I give a short nod of my head, and try to smooth out my dress. My hands are clammy feeling but I say, "Ready as I'll ever be."

"Let's begin, shall we?" Ceasar has put a dazzling smile on his face, and I try to follow suit by giving my own half-hearted smile. Instead it comes out looking like a grimace. I instinctively reach for Peeta's hand to guide me, but it's not there. I am alone on this stage.

Haymitch cuts in and yells, "Everyone out! Just the cameramen and Ceasar with the girl." I'm suddenly very thankful for Haymitch again. He knows that I'll do terrible if there are too many people in the room. I clear my throat and try to work up my courage towards small talk with Ceasar. It's true, I do have a history with this man. Too bad that it's all connected with me walking a fine line between death and survival. _"Tell the truth, make it count"_ is ringing through my ears. I need to try my best for Peeta. It's all I can do to help him now.

The lights come on, the cameramen are quiet, and Ceasar begins, "I'm here with Katniss Everdeen, one of our favorite Victor's from District 12. From Girl on Fire to Mockingjay. How are you doing Katniss?"

Can't we start with an easier question? How am I doing? If I tell the truth then I need to say awful. My life has been a never ending path of nightmares since Prim's name was drawn. "I've been better." My tone is flat. My eyes dart to Ceasar's, hoping he knows just how much I need for him to rescue me right now.

"Let's start with you and Peeta in the arena, on the beach. He showed you a locket, one that held pictures of your family in it. Tell us why he did that." I gulp. This is not a question I want to answer, but one that I'm sure will have the Capitol citizens glued to their television sets. Should I answer honestly or give them what they want to hear? I think of Heavensbee and how much he was hoping for good television. I think I'll give it to him, just not the way he had planned.

"Do you want the truth, Ceasar? Because this could be a long answer." My voice is low and all I'm aware of at the moment is the smell of Ceasar's strong, flowery scented cologne.

"I think that would be a good place to start," says Ceasar. Here we go, I think. Once I start, there will be no undoing of what I have to say.

"Well, in order to answer that, I need to start at the very beginning. Before Peeta and I even arrived in the Capitol. Before the reaping ever took place." I rub my lips together, feeling the sticky gloss smear across them, before I continue. "When I was eleven, my father died in a mine explosion. It crushed my mother's will to live, to care for us anymore." I've not spoken of this dark time to anyone other than Gale. There is a lump of something stuck in my chest, and I feel my breathing become more shallow.

"Our money had run out, and we were slowly starving to death. I tried to trade some of our things for food, but nobody wanted them. It was freezing outside, rain was coming down in sheets, and I was in such despair that my will to live was also dying." That feeling still haunts me and the fact is that it's trying to break my body even at this very moment. "I found myself wandering in the alley, behind the bakery in town. I had hopes of finding something small to eat in the garbage of the merchants. The baker's wife,"

Ceasar interrupts and asks, "Peeta's mother?" I nod my head in agreement.

"She didn't want me digging in the trash and yelled for me to get out of there. And, that's when I first saw him. Peeta. Hiding behind his mother." The young boy with blond hair. I let myself smile, remembering the way he looked. "The smell of bread was so intoxicating that I just couldn't make myself push on past it. Instead, I found myself weak and weary. I was ready to give up on life, to let death swallow me up. But then, something happened that forever changed me." Ceasar is watching me, waiting for me to continue. "Peeta purposefully burnt two loaves of bread, of which he received a beating from his mother for. She told him to go throw it out to the pigs. But, instead he threw it to me." My voice is crackling now, and I take a big breath so that I can continue. "It was filled with raisins and nuts," I softly laugh. I'm not sure why that matters to anyone, other than me. "I remember how the heat from that bread burned into my skin when I tucked it under my jacket. But, I kept it there, reveling in the warmth. Clinging to life."

"Did you talk to Peeta after that incident with the bread?" Ceasar asks.

"No, not until we were on the train to the Capitol. But I wanted to. I was forever grateful for his act of kindness. I caught his eye across the playground at school the next day, but he looked away. I was too shy to go over to him. But, from that day forward, he gave me the will to find myself again. His kindness pointed me to the first dandelion of spring and reminded me that, if I tried hard enough, I could feed my family." Ceasar is looking at me puzzled now, so I quickly answer, "You can eat dandelions! He brought to mind the fact that I could feed our family if I dared to venture into the woods."

"So, that is what started you hunting?" I see him piecing this all together and realize that I need to pick up the pace with this story, to show him where I'm going with it.

"Yes. And, I met my best friend Gale in the woods. We've been hunting together for years now. He's not my cousin, the Capitol made that part up." I know that I need to continue with this story of Gale, but I still have pieces to fill in for people.

I go on to explain to Ceasar of Haymitch's plan for Peeta and I to appear as a team. Somewhere along the lines, Peeta revealed to Haymitch his feelings for me. Feelings that I never knew about, not until he professed them in front of the crowd in the Capitol. "I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth because I thought it was all a part of our plan to survive the arena." I explain why I dropped the tracker jacker nest in the arena, I thought I had been betrayed. But, even then, I still had all these conflicting emotions surrounding Peeta, I was relieved to not see Peeta's face in the sky at the end of the day. When they announced we could both be victor's, that is when I knew he had never been a danger to me. Our time in the cave together solidified that, but also made me start to question just what my feelings for him were. "I knew that Haymitch wanted us to play the "Star-crossed lovers from District 12" but, somewhere in the midst of that, real feelings for Peeta surfaced." Our emotional ending in the arena. I tell of how President Snow threatened me and my family because of the berries. Our kissing on stage. Some of it was real to me, other parts were not. I did not realize that Peeta's feelings were genuine for me until the train ride home.

"What happened then, when you returned to District 12?" Ceasar is urging me along.

I know I can't stop now and I don't think I could, even if I wanted to. Telling this whole story of deception is somehow freeing my mind from the dark clutches of shame and grief that have weighed upon it. The story of Gale and I comes pouring out. I tell of our friendship, of our kiss, and how I couldn't sort my feelings out between him and Peeta. The story of President Snow visiting me, the brutality Peeta and I witnessed on the Victor's tour, and that the only way to keep our families safe was by continuing our love story. One that had to be taken to a new level. Then, I go on about the new peacekeeping force arriving, and how I was contemplating running away. Still, the words keep spewing forth, like they've been waiting for this moment forever. The Quarter Quell games, how I felt knowing that Peeta and I were to be going back into the arena together. How I swore to myelf that I would do everything I could to keep him alive. What it felt like to believe that I had seen my family and Gale for the last time. How I had decided to live my last moments with Peeta, allowing my feelings for him to be real. What my final moments in the arena felt like for me. How I knew nothing about the Rebel forces planning to rescue us, I was just hoping to have done enough to spare Peeta's life.

When I pause, to show that I'm done talking about all the lies, deception and death of the past year and a half, Ceasar is momentarily speechless.

"When Peeta said that you had been secretly wed, that wasn't real? The baby?" I nod my head in shame. None of that was real. But, something inside me is telling me to speak about it.

"I've always been too afraid to marry someday, for the fear that children would be brought into the world. I couldn't bear the thought of them having to go through the reaping, to be sentenced to the arena. To stand by and watch them battle others to the death, or be killed themselves. I think Peeta wanted it to be real, the thought of us having a child together." I've said this much, I may as well keep going. "Maybe a small part of me did as well."

"You have to understand that the games... they never leave you. The faces of the children you've killed, those you've watched die... there isn't a single night that goes by, without those faces making their way into my dreams. Even when you leave the arena as a winner, you leave behind a part of yourself that can never totally be healed. I know this now, not only from my life but from seeing it in the other Victors. The Capitol wouldn't allow us to leave the arena unbroken."

"But, the Capitol's reign is almost over," Ceasar says this quietly, as if he's afraid of who might hear him. "What about then? If there are no games?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure I can trust anyone enough to believe that." It's brutally honest and painfully true. My fingers go the pearl that sits inside the locket at my neck, wondering if there will be anything good left in me to offer to anyone, especially a child.

Ceasar doesn't waste an opportunity. "The locket around your neck. Does that mean something special to you?"

"My mother and sister gave it to me, as good luck for this interview." I half laugh to myself, thinking how silly it must sound. "Inside is the pearl that Peeta gave to me during the Quell games, at the beach."

"Yes, that was quite a touching moment between you two. I believe that said you needed him, although he was trying to tell you differently, to point you down a different path. Do you still feel that way?"

My heart is pounding in my chest and I ponder this in my brain. The boy with the bread who saved me all those years ago from starving. The same boy who has saved me from the demons that haunt me at night. The boy whose touch made my body hunger for more. The answer is easy. "Yes. I need him more than anything else." My voice comes out all breathy, like I've been starved for oxygen. It makes my face blush but I can't take those words back now. The emotions I've been holding back have unraveled themselves on camera. I've just announced my love for Peeta in front of the whole nation of Panem.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Caesar is still talking to me, but for the moment I'm lost in my own thoughts, wondering how he managed to get that information out of me so easily. "Katniss? Apparently, folks, the cat's got her tongue." He's smiling at me, with those big, abnormally bright white teeth, and I snap back to myself.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry... I was just... I was thinking..." I can't seem to find the words to say now. Earlier they were pouring out, now they just get stuck on my tongue.

"That's okay. You've just told us a great deal about your life for the past year and a half. It must have been heart-wrenching to go through all of that." I give the smallest nod of my head. Yes, it has been more than heart-wrenching. "I'm sure it must be just as devastating to know that Peeta is still missing." I swallow a big lump in my throat and nod again, afraid to talk for fear that my whole being might crack open at any minute.

"Many people think he's still alive, trying to find his way back to you." Caesar is looking apathetic, trying to reassure me. I've imagined the same thing. In fact, he was supposed to find his way back to me, days ago. Why that didn't happen, and why we haven't seen or heard from them since their escape, whittles away at my heart. Every moment that passes makes me fear for the worst.

My reply is almost inaudible, "I know that he was supposed to meet the recovery team days ago. But, he didn't make it. And, we don't know where he is right now." If he's dead, or alive. I feel tears beginning to form at the corners of my eyes, and I try to will myself not to blink, but a small draft of air makes that impossible. I can feel them, sliding slowly down my cheeks and dropping onto my hands folded in my lap.

Caesar hands me a tissue and continues, "If you could say one thing to Peeta right now Katniss, one thing that only he could hear, what would that be?"

I'm not sure how to answer that. There are so many things that I need to tell him, so many things that he doesn't know about. But, for reasons unknown to me, all I can manage to utter out is, "I'd ask him to stay with me." Again, my voice comes out all breathy, even husky sounding. I'm beginning to feel like I don't recognize this girl I've become, who is so easily coaxed into talking like this.

"Well, I know that I can speak for all of Panem, when I say that we wish you the best Katniss. Whatever the future has in store for you, for Peeta... I'm sure that it will be bright." And, with that, the lights go out.

I hear Plutarch's voice from behind the cameras say, "Cut! Fantastic! That will do it! Finnick has enough material on Snow to make hours and hours of tape. Your story of lies, deceit, tragedy and unrequited love will be a perfect ending!"

A perfect ending. My most private thoughts were just unleashed for the world to hear. Hurtful, sorrowful, painful words. Yet even this makes for good television. "Does that mean I'm done? You don't need anything more from me?" My skin is beginning to crawl the longer I sit here, listening to him ramble on and on about how he wants them to cut to me at the end and what kind of ratings this will bring in. The fact that my deepest, most intimate feelings are still being used and twisted makes my blood boil. But, the fact is, I agreed to it this time. I'm the one who decided to voice the truth. And, whichever way I want to think about it, the reality is that my life will never quite be my own again. Being crowned a Victor by the Capitol has ensured that. Just one more thing to add to my list of reasons to kill Snow.

"You're golden kid! We'll do some, ah..._editing_," he gives me a little sly wink and continues, "And we should have this ready to go in a few days."

Caesar bids me farewell, telling me as we part, "Good luck Katniss. We're all cheering for you and Peeta, I hope you know that." He looks at me genuinely and gives my hand a light squeeze. "The future is out there, waiting for you. No more games to worry about, for either of us, after this is done." I really hope that he's right about that. I thank him and jump off the stage, kicking my shoes off as I do. The interview is over. Whatever happens because of what Finnick and I said is beyond me now. I just hope that we can get to Peeta and Annie before Snow or Coin do.

I almost knock Haymitch over as I exit the door. "Took long enough. You done?" His face looks a bit worried, and it just makes me laugh. It's as unbelievable to him as it is to me.

"Yes. Heavensbee said I was 'Golden.'" I feel a huge wave of relief hit my body. That was the last obstacle standing between me and my fate in the Capitol.

Haymitch grabs my elbow, "Let's go for a walk. We have some talking to do." I imagine that he's going to tell me what the plan is to sneak past Boggs. We're moving at a brisk pace now, away from anyone's ears. "Listen. We've had some news, concerning the others." His pace slows and I look at his eyes, his bloodshot eyes, that cannot hide the painful expression behind them.

"What? What is it Haymitch? Is it Peeta?" Panic sets in. I have refused to let myself believe that he could be anything other than alive since we've arrived in District 1. I'm too close now for it to be any other way.

"The Capitol showed Enobaria this morning, on the news. She's dead. A chest wound..." I gasp. She was supposed to be with Peeta. He wouldn't leave her behind. I shake my head, screaming inside, "No, no, no! This can't be happening, not now." Haymitch has a hold of my shoulders, shaking me, "Listen! They haven't shown the boy! Not yet."

I try to swallow air, to force myself to breathe again, but my heart feels like it's going to explode. The thought of Peeta dead refuses to leave my thoughts. Haymitch is speaking softly again, "They found her on the outskirts of the city. That's good news for us." Yes, if they were all together that means Peeta, and whoever is with him, are out of the city at least. Unless...

"They only mentioned her. That she seemed to be operating alone with no signs of Peeta or Johanna. The Capitol has even issued rewards for their capture now. There's still a chance kid, still a chance." Tears are stinging my eyes, and I try to wipe them away quickly, but a big smear of black comes along with them.

"We need to leave now Haymitch! And, how are we going to just disappear with Boggs around?" My voice has never sounded so desperate to me and my body can't seem to stop shaking. The fear of finding Peeta dead is gnawing at my insides, making my head pound.

Haymitch lets out a big sigh, and turns away from me. "I haven't been totally honest with you." I had thought our deal about not keeping secrets from each other was legitimate. I certainly held up on my end. I just spilled my guts out on camera to Caesar Flickerman to make this plan work. My emotions are raw and this time it's my turn to grab him by the shoulders and flip him around towards me.

"I'm aware that I don't make the plans around here. But, you owe it to me Haymitch. You owe it to me!" I'm yelling now, hitting his chest with my hands, making a scene, but I'm past worrying about that.

Haymitch grabs my hands, "Calm down, right now." His eyes are staring back into mine, icy cold. "Boggs is on our side. He's going in with you. His loyalties to Coin go only so far. There's more to him than you know about, and if anyone is going to help you get in and out again alive, it's him. You understand?" I'm shaking my head yes, but Haymitch doesn't let go on his grasp of me. "There are times when you have to make choices in life. Hard choices, things you might not be proud of, but you make them nonetheless. You just remember that when you talk to Boggs. You listen to him, you let him help you. You try to trust him. Do you understand?" Haymitch lets those last words roll out slowly and studies my face completely before he lets go.

"I got it." My voice is still shaky. Haymitch has only told me what he thinks I need to know yet again. I'm not sure about my trusting of Boggs, but at least Gale and Finnick will be by my side. If anything happens, we still outnumber him. I rub my wrists, where Haymitch grabbed me, hoping that it doesn't leave a bruise. It's unlike him to be so physical, especially since he seemed fairly sober for once.

"Get your stuff together and get dressed. Your prep team has things ready for you in your room. We'll meet you there in 30 minutes." With that, Haymitch stalks off to leave me alone to find my own way. His surly attitude is beginning to rub off on me. When I reach my tiny room, I slam the door shut with all the force I have left in me. The strain from my poor sleeping habits, the anxiety over the cameras, the spewing forth of my most precious inner thoughts, the notion that Peeta could be dead... it's left me feeling empty and tired. I lay on my bed, fingering my bow in my hand, trying to mentally prepare myself for what comes next.

When Gale knocks at the door, I've just finished getting dressed in my blue tactile suit. I'm not sure if we need to put on Cinna's camouflage yet, so I've left it on my bed. "Katniss, can I come in?" I slowly open the door to see Gale, looking as solemn as I've ever seen him. He doesn't have his camouflage on yet either. I let him in the room and stuff Cinna's creation in my bag, before I turn around to look at him again. Tears are threatening at the corners of his eyes, but I have no idea why.

"Gale? What's wrong?" I wouldn't think that the news about Enobaria would elicit this type of response from him. It must be something else. _What else could he have heard? _My heart has picked up in pace again, and the shakiness has returned to my hands.

"Boggs just got a call from District 13. From your mother." From my mother? Why would she be calling? Why would Gale be crying? Prim? Could something have happened to Prim?

"Prim!" I screech out, "What's happened Gale? Is it Prim?" My voice is in full panic now.

Gale wraps his arms around me, pressing his face against the top of my head before he says, "No. It's not Prim." His voice is cracking now, I've never seen him this way before. I can hear his heart pounding beneath his shirt, and feel the smallest tremble escape his body before he says, "It's Madge. They let her out of the psych ward the night we left. She seemed to be getting better. I went to tell her good-bye before we left. I told her that your little sister was going to keep her company while we were gone. I... it's my fault Katniss. Prim found her this morning... she had hung herself." His voice breaks at the end, and we're left standing together like that, letting grief entwine us.

Madge. My dear friend Madge, who had survived the bombing of our town only to succumb to the despair that filled her. Tears won't come. I wish them to fall freely, but they don't. Instead I'm left with such a deep feeling of wrath that I can feel it pulsing through my veins, with the fervor of hot lava that's ready to pour out of every crevice in my body. Anger for what the Capitol did to Madge, how they managed to break her, even in the so-called safe confines of District 13. Fury, for the realization that my little sister Prim had to witness it. Hatred for death, and why it seems to follow me around, strangling out every bright moment of optimism I so delicately cling to.

I push away from Gale and focus my eyes on his."We have to make them pay for it Gale. Snow. The Capitol... they're all going to get what comes to them." I'm beginning to see Coin's line of reason, thinking myself that it's not such a bad idea to blow everyone of them into smithereens. As long as we can get to Peeta and Annie, I don't feel a single concern for the residents of the Capitol anymore. "Let the bombs drop where they may," I think to myself. They certainly weren't worried about what the fallout would be when they did the same thing to District 12.

Finnick and Boggs arrive a few minutes later, fully dressed and ready to go. Gale comes out of the bathroom, wiping his face off with a towel. Even though he tried to wash the tears away, red streaks still stain his face. But, we both know that there's no time for sorrow right now. Our team is assembled, except for Haymitch, and the clock is ticking away. It's late afternoon already.

Boggs is the first to speak. "Grab your stuff. Haymitch is going to meet us in the hovercraft. We'll have something to eat together before he drops us off at our landing point." I haven't even had time to ask Haymitch about what our plan entails, and now Boggs is ordering me around. I feel resentment at this turn of events. If anyone needs to know what's going on, it's Finnick and I. After all, we're the ones that have put our lives on the line for this rescue to work.

"Where's the landing point? What's our plan to get into the city? Why..." but I'm not allowed to finish. Boggs has leaned in closer to me, his face against mine, and whispers, "You don't need to worry about that right now. We'll talk about it when we get dropped off." I hear Haymitch's words echo through my mind, _"Listen to him, let him help you, trust him." _I set my jaw and turn away to pick up my things before I can tell Boggs what I really think about him. "What's going to be harder?" I think to myself, "Trusting Boggs or finding Peeta?" Haymitch had better be right on both accounts.

The hovercraft is taking off from District 1 before we've even settled in our seats, but Haymitch is nowhere to be found. I see the dining table set for four, and Gale pulls a chair out for me to sit down in. Broiled potatoes, cabbage and ham, some fresh rolls from District 1 and milk to drink. That's it. Nothing fancy, but at least it's food. Even though this day has taken a toll on me, I know how important it is to try and eat now, to keep up our strength. Everyone else at the table must feel the same way, because we eat in silence, except for the occasional small talk between Gale and Boggs.

Finnick, sensing the tension, tries to break the hostility that has formed in the air. "Katniss, did you know that is was originally Boggs idea to come up with that bow of yours? He had the concept and Beetee made it happen. Pretty interesting, huh?" I look up to see Finnick's eyebrows go up and down in an exaggerated movement, but I just roll my eyes at him and continue buttering my bread. "Bet you also didn't know that he has a daughter your age. What's her name again? Fuschia? Rosie?" This time it's Boggs turn to look up at Finnick and give him a cold, icy stare.

"Look, if you two can't resolve whatever stupid issues you have with each other, I'm not sure you should go on this rescue mission. I don't need your egos to ruin our chances!" This time Finnick hits the table with his fist, making his plate take a nosedive onto the floor. It lands with a crash, sending shards of glass flying in every direction. Finnick throws his arms up, exasperated, and yells, "Great. Now you made me cut my hand on the glass. Fantastic. Just fantastic..." Gale is bent over now, helping Finnick clean up his mess.

I take a big sigh and push my chair back from the table, looking directly at Boggs. I notice that he has gray hair at his temples, which stands out against the rest of his dark, black hair. "Okay. Fine. You go first Boggs, I want you to tell us your story, because everyone here already knows mine. I don't have anything to hide." The implication is, of course, that he does.

Boggs leans in towards me, "Listen here, I don't have to explain myself to anyone at this table. My experience in military warfare is far superior to any of yours." He says the last bit with a broad gesture of his arms. This comment makes me furious. Has he ever been locked in an arena to fight to the death before? What does he even know about survival?

"Yeah, I'm sure you had plenty of time to work on your military experience, locked away in District 13 while the rest of us were fighting to survive in our own Districts. Too bad you didn't feel the need to help us. Instead, year after year, you let the Capitol kill us off." Gale has stepped in between Boggs and myself, telling us both to cool down. I could care less if Haymitch wanted me to befriend this guy. He's arrogant, rude, and I'm fairly positive we can do just fine without him on our team. But I don't get a chance to tell him this because Haymitch has come out of hiding and is glaring down at me.

"We're almost there. Get you camouflage on and get ready." I smell liquor on his breath, and it's obvious he's been imbibing from the slur in his speech. "Drop off has to be quick. I'll keep track of you from District 1."

Gale drags me back to my little corner of the hovercraft and helps me get into the jumpsuit. "Whoa, Catnip. He's got you pretty worked up, huh?" Gale is almost laughing at me, which is making me feel all the more upset. The scowl on my face is beginning to feel like it's permanently etched there. Why wouldn't I be upset? He's treating me like a little kid, someone inferior to him.

"He doesn't like me. I don't like him. What more is there to it? I don't trust him, I don't know why he wants to go with us." Maybe that's what really bothers me. I have no idea why he thinks he needs to chaperone us. And, even more so, I don't want someone dragging me out of the Capitol without Peeta.

Gale has closed the gap between us and says in a whisper, "He's here to get his daughter out Katniss. She's in the Capitol. But, Coin wouldn't let him get to her. He has just as much reason as you do to be here. And, you know how desperate you were to get the person you..." Gale's face changes expression a bit, but then he finishes, "... the one you care about to safety. He had to try. This is his last chance too." Maybe Boggs and I do have similar reasons, that's probably why Haymitch told me that his loyalties with Coin only go so far. I let out a big sigh and tell Gale that I'll try not to get in any more arguments with Boggs. "My best chance at making that work is by not talking to him. Ever." I think.

The hovercraft doors open and Haymitch is ordering us out. I grab my backpack, my bow and arrows, and turn around to give Haymitch one more look. "Anything else I need to know before I go? Words of advice?" Our eyes lock, and for a moment I swear I see something flash across his eyes, maybe a glance of warning?

His voice belts out, "Stay alive!" I turn to go, my hand firmly holding my bow, before he adds quietly, "Remember who you are down there." For a moment, I thought there might be something more he wanted to tell me. But, Gale is behind me, pressing me forward. Our bodies are stuck to the ladder, lowering us down to the rocky earth below us. There's no turning back now, nothing that's going to stand in my way of finding Peeta, finding Annie... killing Snow. Caesar's words flash through my mind, _"The future is out there, waiting for you..."_


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:This is another long chapter. It was maybe the hardest for me to get through, I'm not sure why. I hope you enjoy it.**

Chapter 15

Just as Gale and I firmly plant our feet on the ground, the hovercraft is gone. No matter how many times I've seen that happen, I still can't get over how silently they appear and then disappear into thin air. For a moment all four of us are motionless, taking in the beauty of the serene landscape we've been dropped into. We stand maybe 50 yards from the train tracks that lead into the Capitol, with a steep cliff face on either side of us.

"Let's get moving. We're still 2 miles out and we need to try and make the tunnel before twilight. That's our best chance of getting through." Boggs is motioning us forward. At first I didn't notice how steep of an incline we were on, but after about 30 minutes of going straight up, I have a stitch in my side and my lungs are screaming for air.

"How far have we gone?" I huff out. I know that my body has been through a lot, maybe hasn't even entirely healed from the explosion in the arena, but this is ridiculous. If a pack of wild animals were to come upon us, the only thing I could do would be to let them attack me to save the others. Gale, seeing how winded I am, suggests that we stop for a drink of water.

Boggs shakes his head and grunts out, "We're almost to the top. It levels off a bit up there, before another steep incline. I think that would be a safer place to take a break." I want to argue that I'm not sure my body will even make it to the top, but I can't. It's taking every inch of me to keep air flowing to my burning lungs.

When we finally reach the plateau, I let my legs give way under me and sprawl flat on a big boulder, waiting for my chest to stop heaving. The warmth from the sun beating down on the rocks leaves a pleasant sensation on my back. I open my canteen and lazily let water slosh into my mouth. Thankfully, I'm not the only one whose body is having a hard time competing with the mountain. Both Gale and Finnick have flushed cheeks and sweat dripping off them as they also find a seat among the rocks. Only Boggs is left upright, taking a steady drink from his water bottle. "Halfway there. Last push won't be as hard." I see his blue eyes sparkling, they're almost identical in color to the sky above us.

"What's the plan, when we reach the tunnel. Can you tell me now?" I'm curious to know the details, but I also need some inspiration to get me up off this rock.

Boggs whole disposition has seemed to change since we've landed. He looks over at me, half smiling, and says, "I don't have a plan. We get to the tunnel. We try to get through it. Other than that, we play it by ear."

I'm left speechless. This is not what I had expected, although I'm not really sure what I expected. Some type of brilliant tactile scheme? He's the expert after all. I pull myself into a half-sitting position on my rock chair. "What? I thought you had this all figured out. I thought you knew details about the inside..."

"Nobody knows anything about the Capitol since the first 24 hours after your rescue, other than what Annie could tell us from inside the Training Center. And, we don't think she's there anymore..." I watch Boggs glance at Finnick before he goes on, "Coin refused to let any military in to the Capitol, not even when we might have been able to capture Snow."

I watch as the muscles in his jaw start flexing, and it's noticeable that he's upset. "Something isn't right about it, and I don't know what we're going to find once we're inside." His blue eyes are piercing through me, searching my face, telling me that he's being completely truthful.

I blame it on his eyes, the way that they're looking to me, for what comes next. "I heard your daughter is still inside the Capitol." The moment I've said it, the sorrow that shoots across his face is undeniable.

"Yes. I hope we can find her, just as you hope to find Peeta and Annie. I haven't seen her since she was a little girl." Boggs voice is pained. Whatever has kept them apart has obviously been hard for him.

Finnick is up on his feet again, doing some type of strange stretching motions with his arms and legs. "Let's get moving. My body is starting to get sore sitting around. Plus, if we don't get Katniss off the rock soon, she might become a permanent feature on the side of this mountain." Finnick gives me a little wink and smile, making fun of me for still being laid out on the boulder.

I will myself to stand up again, noticing how the muscles in my legs feel like they've been replaced with jelly. But, even though my endurance is being tested, I've never been one to quit. We make the last push up the mountain in just over an hour's time, right as the sun is beginning to set on the horizon, leaving brilliant strokes of orange and purple in the sky. The tunnel entrance lies directly in front of us, only a few yards away.

Boggs stops and stares ahead. The tunnel looks harmless enough. Just a long, carved out piece of mountain with lights lining the inside, illuminating the rock surface in the dusk. "I'm sure it's being monitored. Follow me and stay close to the wall on the inside. Whatever you do, don't make any sudden movements, don't touch anything." We nod our heads in agreement. Boggs goes first, then Gale and myself, with Finnick bringing up the rear. As we creep closer to the entrance I can feel my heart begin to pound in my chest, my hands tense against the bow in my hands, an arrow ready just in case anything happens.

We continue, silently and stealthily, through the entrance, then another 20 yards. Nothing. Even still, Boggs stops occasionally, listening to the faintest sound, before we continue forward. This stop and go motion continues until we are halfway into the tunnel. Just as we begin to see the outlines of the Capitol buildings against the rosy hue of the sunset out the end of the tunnel, our forward motion is stopped.

There, standing ahead of us in the middle of the train tracks, is a man that I haven't seen since I was eleven years old. Tall, dark hair, and those same gray seam eyes...my father.

His arms are open wide, beckoning for me to run to him, to climb into his embrace for safety. I swallow hard, trying to quickly piece this all together in my mind. Can that really be him? Is it just a figment of my imagination? No, it can't be imaginary, it's too real. I can see the steam coming from his breath, I can see the flush in his cheeks. I can almost hear him singing to me, sweetly calling my name, asking why it's taken so long for me to find him. I look around at the others, but they too are entranced by the vision, each of us intensely focused on the person in the middle of the train tracks.

I'm the first to abandon the warning Boggs had given us. I sling my bow over my back just as Gale tries to grab for me, yelling, "No! Katniss! It's not him!" My feet dart towards the man, but even as I start, I know it's too late. The image has started to disintegrate in front of my eyes, turning to pile of ash in front of me, just as the earth starts to tremble around us. It was an illusion, a trap meant just for me.

Boggs is screaming at us, "Run! The mountain is coming down!" No need to tell me twice. This has been the subject of my nightmares ever since the day my father died in the mine explosion. I glance back at Finnick, watching in horror as big chunks of rock begin to fall, blocking the entrance we just came through. I start running for the dimming light shining at the end of the tunnel.

My body is moving faster than my feet can keep up with and I stumble over a rock that sends me flying to ground with a thud. Gale is there, grabbing me, picking me up, and I'm on my feet again. There is a vague sense of warm blood in my mouth. I think that I bit my tongue when I fell, maybe scratched my face. I feel something sticky and wet dripping off my chin, and I try to wipe it away with my sleeve. The end of the tunnel is near, less than half a mile to go, before Boggs stops suddenly. Gale, Finnick, and I can't react in time, and we collide, becoming a tangled pile of bodies.

"Get up! Get up! We've got to back up! Now!" Boggs is screaming at us again. I feel Gale lifting me to my feet, just as I see a wall of fire heading towards us from the place where our exit used to be. It's not normal fire. No, this is some type of Capitol created inferno, whose heat is so intense that it's melting the rock around us. We start retreating, but there is nowhere to go. Boggs is yelling at us again, "Get against the wall! Put your face against the wall and hug it as tightly as you can!" Finnick and Gale are both doing as they are told, but I just stand there, watching as the fire inches closer and closer. Gale calls out my name, I can feel his hands trying to reach me, but I'm too far away from his grasp.

The smoke is enveloping us now, making my lungs scream for oxygen. I desperately try to find the wall of the tunnel, but I can't see it. I feel the heat starting to reach us, I watch how the flames are licking up the wall, devouring everything within it's limits. The sound of the fire as it reaches me, it almost seems to be breathing, the way it blows back and forth. _It's breathing._ I remember the canisters of fire repellant that Beetee sent with me in my backpack.

I hear Finnick and then Gale, yelling, pleading for me, "Katniss! Where are you? Kat..." The fire is almost upon us now, the hairs on my arm are starting to curl in the heat, and I try to block out the smell of burning flesh in my nose.

"Over here! The canisters! Open the canisters from Beetee!" I yell. The fire is too loud in my ears, I can't hear them anymore, and my hands are still fumbling in my backpack, trying to find the little cans that I know are in there. I'm still moving towards the sound of Gale's voice when I hit the rock wall and realize that the fire is almost upon us. I can't even see Gale, Finnick, Boggs... they've all evaporated into the wall of fire and smoke.

I lean my body as far into the rocky surface of the wall as I can and search the bag again, feeling the tiny little can brush against my fingers. I grab it, pull the pin out of the top and hurl it into the inferno, but it does nothing to slow it down. "It's because it's not real fire," I think. That was my last chance. I cling to the wall, waiting for the fire to engulf me just as I feel two strong hands slip around me from behind and grab me. I am being pulled backwards, out of the fire, into a smaller dark tunnel, or is it more like a hole? The door shuts behind me just as the flames rush past, and I see a flicker of something to the side of me.

My eyes are starting to adjust to the darkness. We're inside a small tunnel, no bigger than 10 feet across, which I can see must run adjacent to the big tunnel that the train goes through. Would this be one of the secret tunnels that the Avoxes were using to get Peeta and the others out in?

Gale, Finnick and Boggs. They're all inside this dark space too, but I can tell that they're being restrained by someone, just like I am. I try to free my arms, kick my legs, but the hold on my neck becomes tighter. The memory of Cato snapping the neck of that boy from District 3 races through my mind, and I stop trying to fight at the moment. Gale, however, is writhing and manages to free his face from their grasp, yelling, "Let her go! I told you it's her!"

I feel the hands on me loosen their grasp, just as the shadows holding the others do. My throat and lungs are burning from the smoke and searing heat in the tunnel, and my body convulses a little, trying to get rid of the toxic fumes I've just inhaled. Boggs, who has been released entirely, holds up his flashlight to survey where we are and what just happened. I watch the light flash across the face of Finnick, and then the shadow holding him. Although he's dirty and his eyes look sunken, there is no mistaking the bright red hair. "Darius!" I exclaim. _Darius... Peeta... Peeta?_

He gives me a broad smile in acknowledgment and releases Finnick from his grasp. I hear a voice from behind me, from the same person whose hands still have me in a tight hold, say, "Well, it sounds enough like her. You want me to let her go, or should I finish her off?" There's only one person I know who has that much sarcasm packed into every word she utters. Johanna Mason. _Johanna Mason!_ My heart picks up in pace. Johanna... Peeta...

"Let her go. We just had to make sure, is all."

Where did that voice come from? Where is he? My body has been freed from it's hold, and I step towards the sound, again trying to find where it came from. I see a dark shadow moving right behind Gale, and Boggs swings his light in that direction, first revealing the Avox girl with red hair and porcelain white skin. Boggs light rests on her for a moment, and I see his hands start to shake. Was there recognition or just a momentary spasm?

There's only one other shadow that's been left to stand in darkness. He steps out from behind Gale and the light from Boggs flashlight floods his face. I find myself staring into those blue eyes, the same ones that have haunted my thoughts since we've been separated in the arena.

My body reacts like that of a person who's been wandering the desert, looking helplessly for anything to quench their thirst, and then suddenly finds themselves waist deep in a pool of water. It's that same type of immediacy, urgency. My feet are running towards him, my arms desperate to reach him. I hit him hard, much more forceful than I had anticipated, and his body jolts against the side of the tunnel. My lips press against his, searching for what has been absent since we've been apart. My hands caress the softness of his cheek, I breathe in the rich smell of his skin. I feel that same delicious feeling as before, making it's way through my body, leaking out of my pores. I'm lost in the warmth of his being, forgetting where we are, until I hear a voice from behind me.

"Ummm...I think we need to get moving. It won't be long before they start looking for what set off the trap in the tunnel." Gale.

I'm not the first to separate though. Peeta gently pulls me away, resting his forehead on mine, and whispers, "I'm glad to see that you've missed me." I've never been one that's good with words or expressing my feelings to others. Instead, I lean in to get one more long, soft kiss. Just to show how very much I've missed him.

As I turn back around to face the others, I see how uncomfortable everyone else was to witness that moment between Peeta and I. Gale won't even bring his eyes to look at me. My cheeks feel hot, but I don't know if that's because I'm embarrassed by what just happened, or if it's still residual from the fire in the tunnel, or if it was the physical exertion of running for my life. Whatever caused it, my body feels more alive than it has in days. I happily keep my fingers entwined with Peeta's, enjoying every minute of him being next to me.

Peeta raises his voice, speaking towards Boggs, "We have to get out. We can't go back into the Capitol. There's..." he looks at Johanna before continuing, "The militia they have. It's too much."

This time it's Finnick whose voice seems ready to break at any moment, "I'm going in to get Annie! I don't care how much military force they have, I'm not leaving her behind!" Of course he wouldn't. The same would be true for me, if we had found Annie and not Peeta. I would want to find him, regardless of what might happen.

Boggs let's out a big sigh, looking straight at Peeta, "I need you to tell us what you saw in the Capitol. What type of _militia_ are they using?" I see his jaw muscles straining again, and I wonder what is going on here.

Peeta is staring at Boggs, then looks back towards Finnick. I can tell that he's weighing his words in his mind. "They have, what we think to be... They look like..." Peeta is never lost in his words, and this seems to be so foreign to me, that he wouldn't be able to express himself.

"They have Mutts, of us. Victor's from the past Hunger Games, but there are a few that weren't crowned Victors too, past Tributes..." His words are quiet, but they still reverberate against the stone walls. _Mutts? Of us? Of me?_

Everyone remains quiet as Peeta begins to tell the story. "The Avoxes and Annie, they helped Johanna, Enobaria and I escape through the secret tunnels. We waited for 2 days for Annie to join us, down in the bowels of the old tunnels on the outskirts of the city, before we started towards the rendevous point that Haymitch had set up. That was the plan. But, she never came. So, we went back looking for her. At first, we didn't notice anything other than how quiet it seemed in the city."

Peeta looks towards me, and I can tell he doesn't want to go on with the story, but he does. "When we reached the spot at the Training Center, where we first entered the tunnels, that's when we noticed the smell. The smell of something rank in the air, like poison. The whole city was full of dead bodies lining the streets, except for a few children wandering aimlessly around, who must have been shielded somehow from the fumes by their parents. The little ones, they were sleeping next to their dead parents."

Peeta takes a deep breath before continuing, "We went straight to the Training Center, where we knew Annie had been, but she wasn't there anymore. Instead, we saw Finnick." I see Finnick's body tense up at Peeta's words, and he rephrases the statement, "Well, who we _thought _to be Finnick. We didn't know that it wasn't him, and... we barely got away with our lives. One of the Avoxes with us was badly injured, and the other was killed when he finished Finnick off." Peeta is watching us, making sure we all are following.

"After that, we knew that we couldn't trust what we saw with our eyes. We headed to the President's Mansion, thinking Annie might be there, with Snow, knowing that his place would surely have been secured against the poison. And, that's where we saw the rest of them. At least two dozen. Most of them stood outside, guarding the entrance. There was a force field surrounding the place, we saw one of the Mutts accidentally hit it. So, we used the Avox tunnels again, to sneak into the Mansion."

Peeta clears his voice, taking a few seconds to think about what he says next, "When we got in, Darius and the other girl Avox, the one who was injured, they knew where Snow's office was. Enobaria followed them and saw Annie, through the glass door, sitting in the room with Snow. But, they were being guarded by a Mutt..." Peeta looks to me and says, "I think it was Clove. The girl from District 2." Goose bumps break out on my arms

"The Avox girl, she tried to distract the Mutt guarding the door so that Enobaria could get through, to try and get Annie out. Enobaria had a knife, but the Mutt...she had a better weapon. Enobaria took an arrow to the chest." I gulp. An arrow.

"Why couldn't you do something then, Peeta? Why couldn't you and Johanna try to kill the Mutts? What was stopping you?" Finnick is livid, pacing back and forth in our small confines, the pain in his voice evident.

"Because..." Peeta's voice is loud now, "It was Katniss! And Clove was inside, with a knife to Annie's throat!"

"I offered to take Katniss out, but lover boy here wouldn't let me." Johanna is rolling her eyes at Peeta, "Plus, he's right. We didn't have the weapons we needed. Clove would have split Annie's throat open if she saw us."

"The injured Avox threw herself in front of an arrow so Enobaria could make it back to the tunnel." Peeta's voice is shaking, his hands are no longer hanging on to mine. "Enobaria died. We left her body at the edge of the city, hopeful it wouldn't be found before we could make it to the tunnel out of the Capitol."

Peeta's voice is quiet again, his eyes downcast. "I'm sorry Finnick. We tried. The best we could do is hope that Haymitch found us, so that he could go back in with a better plan to rescue her."

I shudder, wondering what the Mutt of me must be like. Was that why Peeta was hesitant to save me from the fire in the tunnel earlier? Was he worried that is wasn't actually me?

"What would they be doing with Mutts of us?" I ask. "Why would they even want them? Snow hated me. I find it really hard to believe that he'd want more of me around, especially to guard him." At least that is how I feel about Snow. If the tables were changed, I'd never wish to see his face again, even if it were my own made-up, kinder version of himself.

Boggs slumps to the ground, head in his hands, muttering something to himself that is unintelligible, before he says, "They aren't there to guard Snow, to keep him safe. They were put there to keep him from escaping. And, they're not Mutts." I'm not sure what he means. Who else would have the capability of doing something like that, other than the Capitol? The Rebellion? How would they have made Mutts, or whatever Boggs thinks they are, of us?

"They're 'Clonos,' a complete replica of the real human thing, using original tissue and DNA. Coin wanted to start using them, to replace our soldiers. It was justified because it wasn't viewed as a loss of human life. We could always make more of them." I'm beginning to see where he's going with this, wondering if that's what the room in Weapons Development was, the door marked as 'Harvesting'.

As if reading my thoughts, Boggs begins to tell us a story of District 13, one that even I wouldn't have imagined could be true. "District 13 is home to the richest uranium mine in Panem, plus a few other valuable things. The people living there, they realized the opportunity they had, with the importance of those resources. They quietly began to plan a revolution against the Capitol, a way to break free from their tyranny. But, the people in District 13 also valued knowledge, and knew that in order to overthrow the Capitol, they would need more than just the threat of a nuclear war. They needed to be able to self-sustain. They needed to be able to provide the same things as the Capitol: food, shelter, medicine, safety."

My voice cuts in, "How could they provide those things for their population, without the Capitol knowing?" If only we could have done something like that in District 12. Life would have been so much different.

"Persuasion. The Capitol was desperate for the resources that District 13 had, and in return the mayor asked for some of the leading scientists and scholars of the day. This seemed adequate to the Capitol. After all, how much harm can a bunch of brains do?" Boggs gives a little smirk.

"Little did they know, those same scientists and scholars uncovered amazing medical technology in the depths of District 13. And, they were treated much better than they had been under the Capitol's watch. Word got out amongst their peers... the brightest and best were flocking to District 13. Wonderful things began to happen. And, when the time was right, the uprisings of the Districts began. But, as you know, the war was long. Much worse than anticipated. In the end, although the knowledge gained by District 13 built them an amazing infrastructure, it was the threat of nuclear war that saved them."

"After that," Boggs clears his voice, "District 13 agreed to be bombed and a treaty was made. They would appear lifeless and, in exchange, the Capitol would leave them alone. Except, the Capitol's own uranium mines were being severely depleted, year after year. Once again, they had to turn to District 13. This time, the power was on our side, and District 13 had the opportunity to ask for much more than just scientists. Weapons, aircraft, you name it. Above all, Snow needed the medicine that was made in District 13."

My eyebrows shift upward. "What type of medicine?" The smell of roses and blood comes directly to the forefront of my mind and leaves a sickening feeling in my stomach.

"He's dying Katniss. Coin has been keeping him alive for years now, sending little vials to the Capitol every week. I know, because I'm the one who has to deliver them." Boggs is very matter-of-fact.

Bile threatens to rise from my throat onto the rocks we're standing on. "_What? _You kept him _alive_? Why wouldn't you just let him die? Then, none of this..." my arms are swinging around me, "None of this Rebellion would be needed!" Peeta and I wouldn't have had to go back into the arena. The games might have even been ended years ago already...

"Why do you think, Katniss? Why do you think the Rebellion needed Snow to stay alive? For all of this happen the way it has?" Boggs is urging me on, but my mouth is dry. I can't speak.

"Because the Rebellion needed the people to trust them. To show that they were good, in the face of evil." Peeta rattles off. "And, pretty soon, Coin will have absolute power over the nation of Panem, instead of Snow." The games, I realize, have just taken an interesting twist.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"It's not going to take Coin long to figure out where we've gone, and what we're doing. She was pretty angry when she found out you two escaped." Boggs gestures towards Peeta and Johanna before he continues, "I didn't understand why at the time, but now I think I know. She wants you dead, so she can continue making your clonos." The idea of us, of our bodies, to be used and controlled, even after we've died, makes my head spin. I sit down, mostly because my legs are failing to hold me upright anymore, and try to keep the contents of my stomach from forcing their way out of my body.

"Why would that make a difference? She's already made them and put them to use." Finnick's hands are curled into fists, and I know he's just as disgusted by the thought of the clonos as I am.

"Because," Boggs lets out a sigh, "Nobody knows about it. I have a feeling that people would be very upset about having the children they've already watched die, being used now as military machines. There were only a handful of scientists involved, it was top secret."

"Then, who is she getting the DNA from? I just thought, since they were being manufactured in District 13, that everyone was on board." Finnick is looking angrily towards Boggs, and I know what he's thinking. How did Boggs know about it, if nobody else did?

"Coin wanted the DNA from President Snow as payment, for the medicine. They have a vial for each Tribute that's ever been sent to the games." Boggs focuses on a rock on the ground, as if it's easier talking to the rock instead of looking at us. "For the longest time he refused. So, we began to thin out his medicine, and he was forced to give in. But, he only gave her the vial from one past Victor, the one he thought would be easiest to keep quiet."

"Finnick" I say. Anger and pain flash in Finnick's eyes. So, we've all been used as pawns by President Snow, even as we're being used now by Coin.

Boggs keeps his eyes down, "When Coin saw how she could manipulate the clono, making it appear as Finnick, keeping the same personality yet giving him different memories, ones that would keep the clono loyal to her, she wanted more. So, again, it was only a matter of time before President Snow had to give in. This time he gave her the vials of past Tributes from the games that Katniss and Peeta won." Boggs rubs his hands over his mouth, before looking back towards me, and says, "They were amazingly good fighters."

I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach. "What about the rest of the vials. Does Coin have them yet?" Visions of all the children that I've watched die in the arena and on all the old tapes of the Games threatens to drown me. If Coin has all of the vials already, she would have a massive army of ruthless killers, all who are 18 years and younger.

"No, she doesn't have them. Not yet." Boggs turns towards me, "I didn't believe her when she said that we were going to bomb the Capitol. She wants the rest of those DNA samples too badly. My guess is that she's going to come back here, to try and retrieve them, as soon as possible, before District 2 can fall. I wasn't sure of it before, but after Peeta told me what he had seen, that's my best guess."

Peeta cuts in, "Then, there's still a chance of us getting to them, before Coin does."

"Yes, but it's going to be risky." Boggs says impatiently , "The samples are located in the basement of the Training Center. Most likely, they will be heavily guarded."

Gale has had enough of us debating what the next move is going to be. "Look, if we're going to attempt to reach the vials and get Annie out, we have to try and get closer to the city tonight to get a radio signal through to Haymitch. Our transponders won't work here." I look down at the little radio wristband on my arm and see that he's right, it's not working.

"We have a few weapons," Boggs says, as he nods his head towards Gale and Finnick, and they both shake their heads in agreement, "And we have the advantage of knowing about the secret tunnels. Coin isn't aware of them, so they should still be safe."

"The main tunnels, we can't get to them until right outside of the city. And, the train tracks won't be safe to follow, we'll have to find another way in. Plus, we're going to have to find a spot to stay for the night. And, it probably shouldn't be here, not since we just set off the trap." Peeta looks at me, almost sorrowfully, and I bite my lip. It's my fault that the trap was set off, I shouldn't have been so stupid to think that the illusion was really my father.

It's just... he seemed _so real. _I had allowed myself, for just a second, to think that it could have been him. Alive. Breathing. The memory that my father is still dead, that the illusion was really just that, an _illusion, _it brings tears to the back of my eyes. I blink rapidly to force them away. I'm not going to cry right now over something that wasn't even real.

Shakily, I say, "I think I remember seeing some woods, on the outskirts of the city, and a lake too. We should be able to find someplace to stay in the woods for the night. And, that might be an easy way to get close to the city."

In all of our trips to the Capitol on the train, I had vaguely paid attention to the scenery. There were other things on my mind, like how to get back to District 12 alive. Now, there's nothing left for us in District 12, and if Coin takes over power, there probably won't be any safe spot left for me in the whole nation of Panem. However desperate I was in the arena, to make it out with Peeta and myself alive, it seems like nothing compared to this realization. Even if we survive getting out of the Capitol, just what will happen to us then, to any of us? I look around at Gale, Finnick, Johanna, Peeta, Boggs, the Avoxes... none of us will probably be allowed to live. Not if we know Coin's secret.

Peeta is shaking his head, "No. You can't reach the woods without swimming across the lake. And, the lake, it's pretty cold even at this time of year." It's late summer, and he's probably right. Even though the days are still warm, the nights are beginning to cool off considerably. "Plus, some of us aren't as good of swimmers as the rest of you." I laugh a little, remembering that I was trying to teach Peeta to swim in the arena, but we never had a chance to finish our lessons.

Finnick's eyes light up a little, "I'm up for the swim. I'm a strong enough swimmer for two, and so are Katniss and Johanna. It can't be that far across, and we're wasting time here." I know he's right. After all, we only have a little more than 48 hours to somehow get to Annie and get back out of the city before Coin either finds out that we've taken her vials or drops the bombs. And, that's only if everything goes as planned.

Gale picks up his backpack, "I'm a decent swimmer too. Let's see how far across it is. Regardless, we know that we can't stay here." Heads are nodding in agreement, and Boggs starts to lead us out through the little passageway, back towards the Capitol.

Peeta grabs my arm, and pulls me back, waiting for the others to start walking. When they've put enough distance between us, he whispers, "Katniss. You need to know, most of the Tributes they made...clonos or whatever..." His blue eyes are searching mine, "They look like us, but they are much more..._bloodthirsty._" I swallow hard, and he continues, "Whatever we come across, you can't have any indecision. They will kill you."

"Why do you think I would have indecision?" I whisper back. I am guessing already that if there is a clono of me, then there must be one of Peeta too. The thought makes me a little panicky, but if I know it isn't really Peeta, then how hard would it be to kill him? It will be just like the Mutts in the arena, and once I got past the fact that they weren't actually the real eyes of the others, I didn't have a problem shooting them full of arrows.

"Because, they have one of Rue."

My resolve quickly fades. "Rue," I whisper. Of all the tributes that I can see as being excellent warriors, Rue is not amongst them. She was only a small, frail looking girl. It's true, she was quick and smart, but surely Coin would have seen better opportunity with the other Tributes, ones who were bigger, stronger...

"Katniss, she's quick. And, I'm afraid that her and the girl from District 5, the one you called Foxface..." Peeta whispers in a strain, "I think they might be on our trail, if we're not careful."

Foxface. Rue. They would both make excellent scouts, their only job being that of telling the others where we were. "We're just going to have to be smarter than them, that's all. Cover our trail, be on the lookout." My voice sounds strong, but inside my emotions are a complete mess.

Peeta pushes a strand of hair off my forehead and leans down, whispering in my ear, "I didn't think I'd get to see you again, outside of the arena." I nod, my feelings had been the same.

"I didn't know about the rescue from the arena." I blurt out. "I wasn't even sure that you were still alive." The fact that Peeta is here, standing close to me, without a scratch on his body, is amazing. His eyes look tired, and his face is dirty, but otherwise he seems unscathed. Annie saved him from the torture and certain death that Snow would most likely have put him through, endangering herself in the process. I owe the crazy girl from District 4, the one who's captured Finnick's heart, a tremendous debt. She saved Peeta when I couldn't.

"Yeah. I'm still here, you're still here. It makes for a little bit of a problem, doesn't it?" Peeta says warily, with a half grin on his face. He's thinking about me and Gale. I know that now is my opportunity to tell Peeta about how I felt when he was missing, how life seemed so unbearable without him next to me, but the words don't come.

"Katniss..." Peeta's eyes look past mine, into the darkness for a moment, before he concentrates back on mine, "I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted." I start to shake my head no, but he grabs my face in his warm hands, and leans in for a kiss. I've kissed Peeta a million times, but this one is long and drawn out, making my fingers and toes tingle, and I'm left longing for another one to follow. But it doesn't happen.

"We'd better get moving, before the others wonder what we're up to." He pulls away, giving me a sly wink and I laugh, thinking about of all the lies we've told about our relationship, when in reality it's been nothing like that.

"Peeta, after we get to Annie and back out of the Capitol..." I want to tell him that Gale and I have agreed to try and get our friendship back on track, leaving room for me to sort out my feelings towards Peeta.

"Shhhh..." He puts his fingers to my lips, silencing me from talking. "Right now, let's just focus on getting you back home, to District 12." He's still trying to protect me, even though I failed to protect him.

I need to tell Peeta about District 12, how it's no longer there. That his family is dead. But, his look is so earnest, that I just can't bring myself to do it. There will be another opportunity, a chance to tell him Madge's story of his father, maybe even a chance to tell him what so easily slipped out of my mouth to Caesar, I think to myself. I'll tell him the next time we are alone.

Madge. Rue. My father. Ghosts of the past are haunting me today. I realize, dreadfully, that when we get to the city, there will be even more of them to face.

Peeta grabs my hand, and off we go, shuffling along the tiny corridor to the outside. The brisk air greets us as we tumble out of the tiny hole, onto the gravel below. The train tracks are adjacent to us, on the right. But, to the left, is a very steep incline that leads to the lake. This is the way that we will go.

Finnick is leading us, down the sharp rocks, to the water below. I climb swiftly down the jagged rocks, following Gale's sure steps, before turning back and seeing that Peeta is having a hard time maneuvering around them. He's struggling to brace his artificial leg against the uneven surface, without sending a cascade of little pebbles down the steep slope, and himself with them.

But, before I can get back up to him, Boggs is there, helping guide him down the slope, using his body as a lever. I suppose that I should thank him, for helping Peeta. Maybe even for keeping his wits in the tunnel earlier, when I didn't. But, the thought of him, helping keep Snow alive, letting Coin make her soldiers out of us... I just can't let the feeling go that there's more he's not telling me. Does he really have a daughter, or was that just some excuse he was using to get to the vials himself? I'm just going to have to make sure I destroy the vials that Coin so desperately wants. All of them.

The sun has set now, and the lake seems eerily calm, like it's daring us to enter. Dark shadows seem to dance across it's surface, with the smallest bit of pale moonlight beginning to shine back towards us. It's a good thing tonight isn't a full moon. We should be able to swim across to the other side relatively quietly and unseen. From our vantage point, I can just make out the beginning of woods past the other side of the rocky shore.

Finnick is leading us towards an area where the lake seems to bend inward, making it the narrowest part for us to swim across. Still, it looks daunting. We are going to have to swim at least 200 yards to the other side. I bend down, to stick my hand in the water, and immediately withdraw, shocked to find how cold it is. Much colder than the small lake in the woods back home. My heart sinks, wondering how we are going to manage to swim across without dying of exposure.

My father had warned me, shortly after he taught me how to swim, that cold water can be dangerous. "If you stay in it too long, your heart will just stop beating. And, even if you get out in time, you'll have to warm up quickly, or there will be little chance for you to survive." This knowledge was, of course, meant to keep me away from the frozen lake in the winter. But, I think about it now, knowing that this water isn't that much warmer than the icy lake back home.

Finnick must be concerned about the lake too. He's crouched down low, close to the edge, dipping his hand in and out with a furrow on his brow. "We're going to have to strip down. Only wear the minimal that you can. We'll put our clothes in our packs, so that they stay dry for us to put back on when we reach the other side. Beetee said they were waterproof."

At the mention of stripping down, Johanna is already half undressed. I, on the other hand, am determined to keep all of my clothes on.

"Are you crazy? The water is freezing! The less clothes we have on, the colder it's going to be!" There is no way that I'm going to attempt swimming across this lake naked.

"He's right. We have a much better chance of getting our body temperatures up again, if we have dry clothes to put back on right away." Boggs says, as he starts to pull off the camouflage suit he's wearing. "You don't have to take all of your clothes off, just strip down to the bare minimum." I notice that he's turned away from Johanna, keeping his face to the ground.

I can't believe this. But, as I slowly look around, I see that everyone else has already started to get undressed, packing their things away in our bags. I'm not sure why it matters so much, as I've seen plenty of naked people in my life, laying on our kitchen table, with mother and Prim working on them. I've also been seen, naked, plenty of times by my prep team and whoever else wandered into the room. It's just, this time... Peeta and Gale are both here.

I find a spot a few feet away from the others and start by taking off the body hugging suit that Cinna designed, that was made for us to blend in with the landscape. Thankfully, I'm still fully clothed underneath. Next, I sit down and slowly untie my shoelaces, take off my shoes and methodically peel the socks off my feet. I stand up, contemplating what comes next, when one of Finnick's socks hits me square in the side of my head.

"How about you hurry up over there, District 12." Finnick is grinning, ear to ear, enjoying the fact that I'm terribly uncomfortable with undressing in front of Peeta and Gale. They, on the other hand, have wasted no time in shedding their clothes. I glance towards Peeta and Gale, to see that they are both left only in their underclothes, with Johanna standing too close in proximity, completely free of anything on her body. I pinch my lips together, trying not to focus on all of the flesh showing, and turn around, still debating on what piece of garment comes off my body next.

Gale shifts his feet nervously, then says, "Let's go. Katniss can follow behind us." I'm incredibly thankful for Gale right now, allowing me the opportunity to bypass embarrassing myself even more.

Finnick steps into the water first, catching his breath as he does, before he replies, "I've got Peeta. Boggs, you take Darius. Gale or Johanna, you've got the girl Avox. Katniss, you're on your own." I watch as Peeta and Finnick start off, then Boggs and Darius, before I start to rapidly peel off my own clothing and follow along. I still can't believe I have agreed to doing this, especially since I'm not even in the water yet and my arms and legs are covered in goose bumps.

"I'll take the girl, you stay and help Katniss across." I hear Gale, trying to convince Johanna to help me.

"Why? Don't you think I'm capable of getting her across safely on my own? _You_ help Katniss." Johanna has stepped a little closer to Gale, and I watch as his face turns a bright shade of red.

"I said, _I'm taking the Avox girl. _You can either swim by yourself, or take Katniss as a partner." And, with that, Gale motions to the red-headed Avox girl who grabs tightly onto his backpack wrapped around his arm. I watch as they slowly start floating away from shore, not sure of what I think about that Avox girl being so close to Gale in the water.

"I'm going, brainless. You coming or not?" Johanna says vehemently, as she spits on the ground, barely missing my feet, before she dives in and starts across without me.

I count to five, then force my body into the water. The shock of the coldness hits me like a sledgehammer, and for a moment, I can't catch my breath. "Breathe, breathe, breathe..." I repeat to myself, while mentally trying to tell my arms and legs to keep moving. I'm thankful for the backpack that Beetee sent us with, as it acts almost like a flotation device. I swing it around to the front of me, letting it help carry the weight of my body. When I'm halfway across, I begin to notice that I can't feel my arms or legs anymore. I'm not sure if they are still moving, but I can feel my heart, pounding heavily in my chest.

I look up to see that Johanna has caught up to Gale, and is trying to pass him. I suppose she wants to show him how tough she is since he wouldn't let her take the Avox girl. She kicks her feet out of the water as she goes past, soaking Gale's face with a cold spray.

I'm thankful for the entertainment, as it's kept my mind off the fact that I can no longer feel any part of my body. I can only hear my teeth chattering in my head, and try to focus my intention instead on the rocky shoreline that is approaching. Fifty feet, twenty-five, ten,... I faintly hear Peeta telling me I'm almost there, when something stops my backpack from moving.

"Stand up," Peeta tells me. I wish I could, but I lost the feeling to my legs a long time ago. My teeth are clacking, and I make a little groan as Peeta grabs my arm and hauls me to shore. I notice that he has his clothes back on haphazardly. His body is still shivering and his lips are a dark shade of purple. "Come on. We need to get you dressed again."

I command my legs to stand up, but they refuse. Instead, I lean heavily against Peeta, as my body begins to tremble uncontrollably. I close my eyes, unable to stop the shivering, as Peeta carries me a soft, sandy spot on the shore. I have lost the ability to dress myself, so I let Peeta do it for me. He quickly slips my shirt over my head, apologizing as he does so. I'm unaware of any contact, I still can't feel my extremities. Somehow, he manages to get me completely dressed again, and holds me close, trying to calm my shivers with his own. I lean my head into his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, thankful for the warmness his body is offering to me.

Although it seems like hours, I know it's only been a matter of minutes. My shakes have finally seemed to subside enough for me to pick up my head and get a better view of our surroundings. Although the beach is rocky, the land seems to even out the closer you get to the woods. There are a few rock outcropping's visible from here, still several feet away from the edge of the trees, and it reminds me of where Peeta and I found refuge, in the little cave in the arena.

I look around at the others, wondering if they fared any better than me. I see that Gale and Johanna are still bickering, over what I can't tell, but Gale's face is flushed even though his lips are still blue. Finnick is jumping up and down, telling the Avoxes to do the same.

Boggs is staring at something, off in the direction of the woods. "I think we'd better start to find some shelter for the night. I don't think we can risk a fire, so the sooner we get settled in for the evening, the better."

Gale, who sees the same outcropping that I just did replies, "Boggs, over there. I bet somewhere in that rock, there might be a good spot for us."

"Okay. Get your stuff, and let's move." Boggs motions everyone forward, but holds Gale and I back. Peeta gives me a look over his shoulder, and I give a little shrug back to him. I have no idea what Boggs wants. "I need you two to set some snares tonight." His eyes are looking straight at Gale, "Some for food. Some for safety."

Some for safety? But Gale, who seems to know exactly what Boggs is talking about, starts to unwrap the special wire from his pack that Beetee had given him. "I can do it by myself. Go ahead Katniss, get some rest."

"No, I can help." But, the truth is, my hands and fingers are useless. There is a little tingly sensation burning it's way through them, but not enough for them to bend and make the intricate loops that Gale is managing. His fingers work quickly, and in no time he has three traps ready to place strategically around our campsite.

"Why don't you try to set some snares for rabbit. While you're doing that, I"ll make a few more of these, to put out a little farther from camp tonight." The words come out cold, and Gale still isn't looking at me. In fact, he hasn't made eye contact with me since we were pulled from the fire in the tunnel.

"Gale, I thought we were going to try and be friends again. I need you, as my friend." It's selfish to say, and the moment it comes out of my mouth, I can tell the words sting him.

"You'll always be my friend Katniss." he whispers. "But, I just can't... you just don't..." I watch as the wire he was so easily manipulating earlier gets tangled in his fingers. "Never mind it!" he yells, and he throws the wire a few feet away from us, still in it's tangle, and runs his hands through his hair.

I don't know what to say, or if I should just turn around and leave him alone. Sometimes, in his fits of rage, it's better to just let him cool off by himself. I start to back up, ready to turn around and leave, when he quietly says, "I'm sorry. You're right. It's just, your friend, that Johanna girl. She's crazy." I watch as he picks up the coil of wire again, and starts working on untangling the knots.

"She can throw an ax pretty good, so watch yourself," is all I say. But, as I see his face knotted up in concentration, I begin to wonder if there's more than just exasperation with Johanna. "Do you like her?" I say, snorting it out. The thought is almost appalling to me. Johanna Mason is about as cozy and lovable as a rattlesnake.

"No! I think she's a nutcase," Gale laughs. He's looking at me again, with his head cocked to the side. The pale moonlight is softly reflecting off his face, making him look less like a boy, and more like a man. "I'm afraid she might try to kill me in my sleep tonight."

"Well, she'd probably off me first." I say. "But, you're right. You'd be second." We both bust up laughing, because the notion is funny and realistic.

Gale wanders off to set the last of his snares, and I put together a few quick ones in hopes of catching any small game. They aren't the best I've ever done though, as my fingers are still clumsy from the cold water, but it'll have to do. We head back to where the others have set up a small camp for the night.

It's not the most ideal setup, especially since we won't be able to have a fire and all of us are still chilled from the swim. The Avox girl is sitting against a rock, her lips are still purple, and I see that Peeta has her hands in his, blowing on them, trying to help her get warm again. A pang of insane jealousy runs through me, which is ridiculous. Peeta is kind, he's just trying to help her warm up, but still... I don't like it.

I dig through my backpack, fishing out an extra emergency kit that Beetee sent with us. I know that inside is a sleeping bag made from some type of thin, reflective material which Beetee made me promise to him not to throw out when I suggested it looked worthless. "Too prevent against shock, or frostbite." he said. At the time I just scowled at him, wondering why on earth he thought we'd have to prepare against frostbite in late summer, but now I'm glad for his foresight.

"Here, this one's an extra. Beetee sent them with us, to help keep us warm." Peeta looks at it suspiciously, but unfolds it quickly anyway, and tucks it over the Avox girl. She nods her head, to thank him I think, and then closes her eyes.

Pretty soon, emergency kits are being passed around and the crinkly blankets are being unfolded and wrapped around our bodies. We all look like baked potatoes, wrapped in our flimsy reflective blankets, but it is working to keep me warm. For that I am thankful.

Peeta comes over and sits against a rock opposite me, winking to me before he closes his eyes. Gale is just a few feet over from him, making sure to keep a safe distance between himself and Johanna. Peeta and Gale, they're almost side by side, which for some strange reason makes me nervous. I close my eyes to block out the image of them so close together, and instead drift off, imagining all the ways that I'm going to kill President Snow when we get inside his mansion.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: First of all, I need to profusely thank all of you who have taken the time to leave comments for me. I love it, and your words are what have kept me going, to try and make this story as interesting as possible. :)**

Chapter 17

_I'm alone in the forest, searching for Prim. I can hear her voice but I can't seem to reach her. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, my heart would feel content if only I could catch up with her. I watch her disappear over a hill, and I'm right behind her, almost on her heels. But, when I come over the crest, she is not there. Instead, President Snow and President Coin await me. Behind them stand hundreds and hundreds of soldiers, armed with bows and arrows, all of them dressed the same as I am, in my dark military uniform. There is no place to run, I am unarmed, there is no escape. I watch, helpless, as the beginning round of arrows are shot towards me. The first one impales me in the shoulder, the next in my leg. They knock me down, striking my flesh until I am a bloody mess, covered with feathered shafts stuck deep into my skin . I pick myself up, only to watch as a girl who looks just like me, loads an arrow and aims at my heart..._

I wake with a start, my breathing heavy and fast, to see that I've kicked off the crinkly blanket and left my body exposed to the cold air. My arms and legs are tingly, not from being filled with arrows, but because they are cold. The sun has yet to rise, and I see Boggs sitting on top of a small boulder, keeping watch over the rest of us while we slept. I wonder if he's been keeping guard alone all night.

I stand up slowly, trying to regain the feeling that was lost in my legs from sleeping on the rocky surface, and walk towards him. "I can't sleep anymore. Why don't you let me watch for a while, and you get some rest." At first, he makes no motion of recognition, but then I see his rigid body relax, and he pats his hand on the space next to him on the boulder.

"Sit down, we'll watch together. I already know I'm not going to sleep tonight."

This is not what I had expected, and I shift my feet, wondering what to do. I don't really want to sit down next to him, nor do I want to keep watch with him, but I also know that sleeping isn't an option for me anymore. "Okay," I say, with some sharpness in my voice, as I sit on the farthest edge of the rock that I can without falling off.

"I don't bite. At least, not usually." He gives me a little wink, and then turns back towards the others who are still sleeping, letting his gaze settle on the red-headed Avox girl. Her pale face looks peaceful, her head resting against Peeta's shoulder, the shiny blanket wrapped tightly around her. For a brief moment, my stomach knots up, seeing her so close to Peeta.

"She's a pretty girl, isn't she?" Boggs is saying to me, pointing at the Avox girl.

"Yes," I reply. Her features are stunning, and I wonder what her life had been like before I first saw her, running through the woods outside of District 12. I wonder how she knew about District 13 while I had no clue about it.

"She looks just like her mother." Boggs says, his eyes cloudy looking, lost in thought. "Ellen was her name. She was a few years younger than me, and I loved her from the moment I first saw her." A broad crooked smile crosses his face, his eyes now twinkling, as he chuckles out, "Her parents hated me, but that wasn't anything new, her father hated everyone who stood in his way. But, they couldn't keep us apart. We married in secret, before they could find out about the baby..." As his voice trails off, his gaze stays intent on the red-headed girl, and I realize that he's trying to tell me who his daughter is.

"The Avox girl, she's your daughter?" I whisper out. I feel the sudden urge to tell him about my attachment to her, "I saw her running through the woods with a boy, outside of District 12. They were trying to escape the Capitol, I think. Then a hovercraft..."

"I know." His voice is thick as he croaks out, "Her mother told her about me, before she died. I think she was trying to find me, she was trying to escape from her grandfather before he could..." His voice catches a little on the last words, and he stops to swallow before he continues, "Well, she didn't make it." His face is hard now, and his eyes have lost the shine they had when he first started talking. "She was his granddaughter, his own blood. Even that didn't stop him in his quest for power."

Is he telling me what I think he's telling me? "Wait..." I say, watching him as I weigh the words in my mind. "She..." I point at his daughter, the Avox girl, "Is your daughter, and her mother was the daughter of...which makes her the granddaughter of..." The words come out in a hiss. I hadn't even considered that the man would be married, let alone have children, or grandchildren. My upper lip curls in disgust, "President Snow?"

"Yes," Boggs says flatly. "But when she fled the Capitol, she was labeled a traitor. He could have killed her, but he didn't. Instead, he made her into an Avox. To make an example of her. 'To punish her for the sins of her father', is what I think I heard." I see the hatred for Snow in his eyes, the same look that is etched onto every person's face who has ever encountered him and survived.

I hear Haymitch's voice in my ear, _"There's more to him than you know about. Try to trust him." _I slide myself a little closer to Boggs, trying to console him with my words. "It's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for what Snow did." A moment ago I didn't want to be within a yard of this guy, now I'm just a few inches away, trying to make him feel better.

"That's what I try to tell myself. But, I can't help wondering if things could have been different. Snow was trying to kill me, and I fled the Capitol. Ellen refused to leave, she thought she could change her father's heart, once the baby came..." His voice breaks again, and this time my heart aches with him. I know all too well the doubting that comes after you've already made a decision, wondering if you did the right thing. Isn't that the same thing that happened to me after I pulled out the berries in the arena?

There's an awkward moment of silence between us, before Boggs says, "Her mother named her Scarlett. For her hair." Scarlett. It reminds me of blood, and the smell of President Snow's breath. However, the Avox girl is quite different from her grandfather, she's already proven that. And, regardless of who her family tree might include, I like her.

"I've thought about her every day since she was born. Her mother sent me pictures, but she's never met me. Doesn't have a clue that I'm her father." Boggs clears his voice, before he says, "I love her more than anything though."

I wonder what it would be like to not know who your father was? I know how hard it is to have your father die, but at least I had a chance to know mine as a little girl. I have memories, vivid memories, of our time together. A twang of guilt runs through my body when I look down at Scarlett, nestled in against Peeta's shoulder.

"You need to tell her. She needs to know." My voice sounds so sure of itself, that my body quickly follows in response. I nod my head and say again, "You need to tell her now. Before you waste any more time." My heart is pounding in my chest, as I look down at Scarlett, down at Peeta. "You need to tell her that you love her." Before the chance slips away, I think to myself.

"You're right. It's just not easy to do, you know?" I shake my head in agreement. I know better than anyone how hard it can be to tell others what you're thinking, without it coming out all wrong. But, in his case, he has to first explain who is he, before he can even tell her what he feels.

The sky is starting to lighten with the first rays of the sun, warming it from a dark gray, to a silver blue lined with streaks of rose color. I think about going over to shake Peeta awake, but he's still sound asleep, with Gale and Scarlett on either side of him. The birds are beginning to sing, their voices joining together in a morning wake-up call. Johanna and Finnick are beginning to stir, opening their eyes, yawning as they stretch out their sore limbs.

"I'm starving. Do you have any food yet?" Johanna says grouchily, as she runs her hands through her short brown hair, tousling it as she goes.

"No. The sun just came up, and I haven't had time to check the traps yet," I snap back to her. I'm not sure why Johanna Mason irritates me so easily, but my stomach is also growling, just at the thought of food.

"Here," Finnick throws a pack of dried food to Johanna. "Beetee gave us extras for you. Just open it up, it's ready to eat."

"Thanks," Johanna says, ripping off the top of the package while glaring at me. At the sound of the package tearing, the others have started to rouse from their sleep.

I get up and walk over to my own backpack and dig around until I uncover the same looking bag. I hold it up, reading the contents. Orange chicken, steam-fried rice, and snow peas. I throw it over to Darius, telling him "I bet it's nothing compared to Greasy Sae's chicken," and grab another one. Ravioli, broccoli and garlic bread. I toss that one to Peeta, who was still stretching his arms from just having woken up, and it hits him squarely in the chest. "Sorry," I mumble, trying to stifle a laugh. He just gives me a sideways glance, as I tear open the last pouch of food left in my bag. Lamb stew with raisins, crackers, and fruit. Although none of the options sounded too tremendous for breakfast, I do enjoy lamb stew.

Other bags of food are flying through the air now, as people try to trade what they have for something better. Johanna purposefully throws a bag hard at Gale, and it barely misses hitting his head as she yells, "Duck!" She has a smug look on her face, but I know that if she wasn't a girl, he would consider throwing a punch back her way. Instead, he stands up and dusts himself off, before grabbing the package and tearing it open.

"I'm heading out to check the traps," he says in a gruff voice, starting out towards the woods.

"I'll come with you," Peeta says, standing up quickly. He wobbles momentarily on his leg, before gaining his balance again, and starts moving towards Gale.

I look at Gale, half-expecting him to say something rude, but he doesn't. Instead, he turns his back to me and motions to Peeta, "Fine. Let's go."

I am stunned, my mouth hanging half open, unable to form words. Why does it bother me so much to have Gale and Peeta together? Is it because I'm afraid that they might talk about me? That seems ridiculous, considering we've risked our lives by sneaking into the Capitol, and there are obviously bigger issues here than what they might be thinking about me. I'm sure that Peeta is just trying to be helpful. I doubt that Gale would even talk to him. After all, what do they really have in common?

But the feeling that I'm missing out on something continues to float around in my mind. I'll just follow behind them quietly, pretending to check the snares I set last night. I'm positive they couldn't catch anything, but it will give me something to do.

I stand up, trying to sneak away from the others quietly, but Finnick catches me. "Hey, why don't you take Johanna down to the lake quick and fill our canteens? Darius and I are going to practice throwing some knives." He gives me a sly little wink, and I start to object because then I won't be able to follow behind Gale and Peeta, until I realize that would leave Boggs alone with the Avox girl, Scarlett.

"Fine," I say between clenched teeth. I see that Finnick has given Johanna the weapons that Beetee sent with him for her. A nice, shiny pair of matching axes. Although they seem small, I can see the glittering edges on them both in the morning sun. They are sharp and deadly.

"She needs to leave her weapons here, though." I'm not going to risk having an ax accidently find it's way buried into my skull while we go to fill water bottles.

"Are you scared?" Johanna says, with an innocent look plastered on her face, tossing an ax to and from between her hands. "Because you should be," she says coldly before ending, "Without your lovers around to protect you."

That's it. I reach for my bow and load an arrow in as Johanna raises one of the small axes in her hand, poised and ready to strike.

Finnick steps between us, blocking us from being able to take each other out, and says, "Ladies! I just asked you to go and get some water, not kill each other. We're on the same team, remember?" He wears that same smirk of satisfaction on his lips as he did before we swam across the lake.

I let out a huff. He's right. I can't kill Johanna. She's not my enemy, the Capitol is. She has survived the arena, only to have the horrors of the Capitol infiltrate her life. I let my arms relax and drop the bow down to my side.

"Bring your stuff, I don't care." I throw my bow over my shoulder, pick up the empty canteens, and start heading for the lake. Under my breath I quietly mutter to myself, "You'd be the first to drop anyway."

"In your dreams, brainless," I hear Johanna reply. She's quietly caught up to me, her steps matching mine. But, the tone in her voice is less vicious. I think she might even be smiling.

We reach the lake, just as the sun begins it's upward ascent, casting golden rays across the surface of the water. The sight is blinding, and we both squint our eyes as we survey the shoreline, looking for a good spot to fill the canteens.

"You know," Johanna starts to talk as she dips a canteen into the water, "Snow killed my entire family, even those who remotely liked me." I thought as much had happened, especially after what she said when we were surrounded by the jabberjays in the arena, how there was nobody left that she loved.

"I'm not the only one that's happened to." I look up towards her, but she keeps her eyes focused on the water. "Makes some drink," she says and I know she's referencing Haymitch. I'd never asked him about his time after he came home to District 12, but I didn't have to. I somehow understood the reason why he chose to drink after winning the games. I might have tried it too, if it weren't for Peeta, Gale and Prim.

"I found it easier to make people hate me. Kept them safe from Snow," she continues. I swallow hard, pondering just to what lengths all of us Victor's have gone to, to try and keep others around us alive, when we were supposedly the safest people in all of Panem.

"You're lucky, to still have so many people you love." She's sitting back on heels looking at me, challenging me with her eyes to say something back.

I open my mouth to argue that my luck hasn't been so great. My actions caused people in other Districts to die, and after I blew up the arena, District 12 was set on fire, leaving almost the whole population dead. Still, there is truth in her statement. Somehow, not because of anything I've been able to accomplish, those closest to me are still alive. Gale, Prim, and Peeta... each of them have been strong enough, smart enough, brave enough to thwart Snow's plan.

I bite my lip before I say, "You're right. And I don't deserve it."

"Well, that's for sure." Johanna says, rolling her eyes at me. "So, I think you could share a little bit, with the rest of us."

"What?" I laugh out loud. She has to be talking about Gale. The thought of those two pairing up seems about as likely as snow in July. Plus, a small part of me isn't willing to let go of the thought of Gale and I, hunting together in the woods. Because that is, _of course, _why I don't feel like helping Johanna to attract Gale's attention. Although, I think to myself, she's done a fairly good job of getting his attention already...

The birds have stopped singing as the sound of a scream, high pitched, floats through the air towards us. It was the sound of someone in pain or distress. Johanna and I jump up, almost in unison, and run back towards camp. When we get there, the only people standing around are Boggs and the Avox girl, Scarlett. It's easy to see that they've both been crying from the blotched patches on their faces, but they aren't the cause of the noise.

We hear it again, in the direction of the woods, and Johanna and I take off running towards it. I make sure to grab my extra sheath of arrows, just in case.

"Finnick!" Johanna cries out.

"Gale! Peeta!" I shout out, an edge of terror in my voice.

As we charge into the woods, I see an imprint from someone's shoes, and I guess that it must be Peeta's. "This way!" I point out to Johanna, as we hear another blood curdling scream come from within the forest canopy.

The forest here is unlike that of back home. The ground is rocky, the dirt sandy, but it's still easy to tell which way Gale and Peeta must have gone. My feet momentarily misstep against a stone, and I almost do a face plant, but Johanna catches me and pulls me back up. Ahead of us I can make out the shape of Gale, Finnick and Peeta, in a small clearing in the forest, looking up at a tree. Finnick has his trident up, and Gale has an arrow drawn, ready to shoot. Apparently they weren't the ones making the noise.

Peeta's voice yells out, with an edge to it, "Where is she? I know she was with you." Who is he talking to?

There is silence, and then another scream that makes the hair on my arms stick straight up. A cry that I've heard only once before, shortly before a spear went through her belly. Rue.

I run into the clearing, and stand next to Peeta, trying to catch my breath as I look up and see Rue. She's gotten her foot caught in one of Gale's snares, and is dangling precariously over the ground, about 10 feet up from us.

It's Rue. There's nothing about her that looks any differently from the little girl I had known, the one that I'd sang to as she breathed her last, except for the look of rage that fills her face. As we make eye contact, I see the look of contempt that passes through her, right before she spits on me. It was pretty good aim, actually, hitting me directly on my right cheek.

"Rue," I call out. "It's me, Katniss. We aren't going to hurt you."

I feel Peeta's hand wrap around my wrist, as he steps in front of me. "It's not her Katniss. You have to remember that." His eyes lock onto mine, trying to bring me back to reality.

"What if it is though Peeta?" I whisper back. "What if she didn't really die in the arena? What if they just fixed her memories about us, made them into bad ones instead of good, to try and fight us? Shouldn't we try to at least make sure, before..." I can't utter the words. Peeta was right, there is no way that I could kill this little girl.

"See if you can get her to tell you about the girl from District 5. Foxface. I have a feeling they were together." Peeta keeps his hand on mine, trying to steady me, and I grab tighter onto his hand in return.

"Rue," I call out again, only to be met with more spit raining down on me. "Where's the other girl you were with?" Silence. I try whistling her little four-note song, the one she used to signal quitting time. She shows no recognition to the song, and her eyes are still burning with anger. Then it comes to me. We have to cut her down. There's no way that she's going to tell us anything if we leave her dangling like that in the tree.

I pick an arrow out and load it into my bow, when Peeta grabs my shoulder. "What are you doing?" he hisses out, with a worried look in his eyes. He must think that I'm going to shoot her.

"I'm going to get her down, out of the trap. She's not going to tell us anything all strung up like that, hanging from the tree."

"Can't do that." It's Boggs voice, booming out to me from across the clearing. He comes walking across and places himself directly below where Rue is hanging, so I can't get a clear shot. "You go on, get out of here. I'll take care of the girl."

The coldness in his voice is disturbing to me. She's just a little girl. She hasn't even made an attempt to hurt us, which makes it even harder for me to justify what he's suggesting be done.

"Cut her down." My breath is shallow, and my palms feel sweaty. "She hasn't even tried to hurt us."

His looks at me for a long time, before he shakes his head and starts climbing the tree she's hanging from. "Gale," Boggs yells down at us. "Get ready, just in case. We can't let her get away."

I see Gale look at me nervously, before he loads an arrow into his bow and stands rigid, taking aim at the little girl writhing above us in the wire. Boggs reaches the top of the wire and pulls out a knife that has a blade unlike that of anything I've seen before. It looks like the shaft is glowing. He counts aloud, "One, two, three..." before he notches the wire with his knife and Rue's little body comes tumbling to the ground.

For a moment she's stunned, probably from getting the wind knocked out her, before she scrambles quickly to her feet and presses her back into the base of the tree. We have her surrounded, there is no way that she could escape. I clear my voice and try again, hoping that this time she'll say something.

"Rue..."

Her body twists toward mine, and then in one swift motion, I watch as she reaches into the little pouch around her waist and draws out a slingshot and a flat, smooth pebble. She's as quick as a cat, and has caught me off guard. I watch as she sends the little stone flying in my direction, towards my head, before a body hits me hard and I fall to the ground.

Peeta is on top of me, holding me down, as I spot an arrow flying through the air, hitting it's mark.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Are you all excited for the movie to come out this Friday? How many of you will be going to the midnight showing? I'm happy to report that a few, ah "close friends" went to the LA Premiere. Word is, the cave scene rocks. :)**

Chapter 18

"NO!" I scream. But I already know it's too late. The shaft of the arrow has buried itself deeply into her chest, in effect pinning her small frame to the trunk of the tree. Blood is trickling out the corner of her mouth, dripping onto the rocks that lay below her.

What has elapsed in the last minute or so, it's almost too much for me to comprehend. This time, her death is much worse than it was during the Games. Not because her end seems more gruesome. I've witnessed uglier things than this in the arena. No, it's because this time, her death was at the hands of those who supposedly were on our side. The same people who found hope in the berries I held out in my hand, have now become the ones that threaten to consume all the hope I have left in life. My body starts to shake and I roll over as my stomach begins to wretch, emptying my breakfast onto the ground underneath me.

"Rue..." I choke out. Tears have started to fall rapidly, soaking my shirt and making the dirt cling to my face, as I try to claw my way back to her body. But I can't get there because Peeta is still holding me tight, whispering to me, "It wasn't really her Katniss. She would never have done that to you. They've made these... these _things..._to deceive us. It wasn't Rue."

_It wasn't Rue, _I repeat over and over in my head. But every time I look back at the small body, all I can think of is how I couldn't save her, for the second time. Not from the Capitol in the arena where she first died, and not from the hands that brought her back into being. No, this time it was definitely much worse.

My body is now heaving with sobs, the kind that make me have those awful choking sounds again, and I try to cover my mouth with my hand to make them stop. "Is she going to be okay?" It's Gale, his voice full of concern. He's talking to Peeta, but the question itself makes the fury that's inside me spew forth.

"No! I'm not okay!" I shout back at him. Which then triggers another round of sobbing, making my nose run, and my body shake even more. Boggs stoops over to hand me a tissue.

"Thanks," I mutter out to him, trying to wipe away the tears, dirt, and snot that have all seemed to mingle together in a sticky mess on my face. Peeta has tried to help, using the corner of his shirt to wipe my cheeks.

"Katniss..." Gale says, "I'm so sorry. I just reacted to what she did..."

"Well, you shouldn't have reacted that way," I say bitterly. _You killed her. How could you kill a little girl like that? _

Then, I look at him, _really look at him_, before he turns away from me. I notice the glistening of tears that have built up in the corners of his eyes. The realization that this was the first person, or whatever she was (she certainly seemed like a person), that he's ever killed hits me. The first person I killed, the boy from District 1, that was in self-defense, or at least that's what I tried to tell myself. But, really, it didn't matter how it happened or why. It was the fact that I had ended the life of someone, and that I had done it so quickly, without a moment of hesitation, that haunted me ever since. And now for Gale, the same thing has happened to him. He will have to revisit Rue every night in his dreams, just because he was trying to protect me. It isn't his fault for what Snow or Coin have done to put us in this situation to begin with.

I take a deep breath before I say quietly, "I forgive you." I squeeze out the last of the tears from my eyes as I say it, trying to reinforce the fact within myself that it wasn't really Rue. Peeta hands me a drink from his canteen which helps to drown the hiccups that have started, and I try to pull myself together again. Although my body feels heavy, I pick myself up off the ground, turning my face away from the little girl that lies behind me, still not able to view the bloody scene.

"Okay. I think we need to clear camp immediately," Boggs booms out. "Since we've already been spotted by one, with the potential of there being another that might have escaped," he's looking at Peeta, who can't hide the worried expression on his face, "We need to be extremely careful from now on. Good news is, it should just be a short hike from here to the outskirts of the city."

As the others turn and begin to walk away, back to our little makeshift camp, and retrieve whatever else we have there, I sit back down. There is something I need to attend to before we leave. Sensing this, Peeta and Gale stay behind, waiting for the others to leave. Finnick is uncertain also, and waves Johanna ahead of him, to come back and sit down next to me.

"Let us help you. We don't have time to dig a hole, but we can cover her up." I nod, swallowing hard, trying not to think too much about the last time I had to cover up Rue's body. Peeta and Gale have already set to work, lifting the little girl's body from the tree and lying her down on a soft, silvery tuft of plants at the edge of the clearing. Finnick offers me his hand, and we stand up together, as I look around trying to spot what we could use to cover her with.

There are, of course, old decaying leaves, rocks and tree branches, but it seems that Rue deserves something more delicate than that to adorn her body. I walk a little farther into the woods and notice that there are a few plants here that seem familiar to me. Ahead lies a patch of purple flowers that have four white petals in the middle, surrounded by five ornate purple ones. Madge's mother grew these in her flower bed, and I remember her telling me they were called columbine. I hastily pick them, along with some other small yellow ones whose flowers resemble that of peas. Finally, I come across a small pink flower, one that I know well because of who is named after it. Primrose. I gather them all in the folds of my shirt, until I have a nice pile of them, before going back over to where Rue lays.

"Primrose," Gale says warily as I begin to wreath the flowers in her hair. I bite my lower lip, to try and control the trembling of my fingers, and keep weaving them in and out, until her hair is full of the fragrant blossoms. Next I cover her body with the fragile purple looking flowers, tucking in the small yellow ones as I go. Peeta gently pushes her eyelids closed and I stand there, looking down at her. She almost looks like she could be sleeping, nestled in a field of flowers.

From out of nowhere, a mockingjay lands on a branch above us and begins to belt out Rue's melody, as a chorus of other birds join in on their own songs. A final good-bye to the little girl who could so easily capture those around her, even the birds, with her laughter and cheer.

_Laughter and cheer. _Those are two words, out of many, that could describe the person of Rue, but were the complete opposite of what the little girl that was caught in Gale's trap had become. She wasn't cheery or happy. She was angry. And, as the heaviness sinks in my chest, I sense a new resolve within me, one that cries out for justice. I know what needs to be once we reach the inside of the city, before we rescue Annie.

"Let's go," I say, taking a deep breath and inhaling the sweet fragrance of the flowers as I do so. It no longer reminds me of Prim, but only of Snow and the stench of death that surrounds him. We march quietly back to camp, where the others are waiting for us. I walk alone, not wanting the comfort that Peeta tries to extend to me when he offers me his hand. When we arrive at the rock outcropping, I walk straight to Boggs.

"You," I point to him, "Are going to make sure that we destroy all those vials in the Training Center, and the ones already at District 13. All of them." I draw out the last words, making sure that he understands what I mean. We have to find a way to destroy every bit of DNA that Coin might get her hands on, to ensure that no more of these clonos are made.

"The Training Center, we can try to get to those. But just how do you think we're going to get access to the ones back in District 13? Coin has those locked up tight." I believe that Boggs is being truthful, I can see it underneath his stony expression, but it still annoys me because I know he's right. How are we going to get rid of the vials that are already inside District 13? So I close my eyes, trying to think of a way we could destroy them from here. Haymitch would do it, but he can't. He's staying in District 1, waiting to come and get us out of the Capitol after we reach Annie..._if we reach Annie. _It has to be someone from inside, and there isn't anyone left within District 13 that I would trust, except for Prim and Beetee.

"Beetee." I open my eyes, "He could do it. He even has access to the Weapons room." It seems like a plausible thing for Beetee to do. He usually seems to come up with brilliant schemes anyway, and the more I think about it, the easier it sounds to me.

Boggs just stands there, scratching his chin, pondering whether my suggestion seems likely. His lapse in answering me is beginning to make me nervous. What if he doesn't want to destroy the vials left in District 13? What if he really wants them for himself, along with the ones in the Training Center? Are we being set up again, to help the enemy?

Just as my chest begins to tighten at the possibility of this being true he says, "I don't see why that couldn't work. We'll have to get in touch with Haymitch, who is going to have to put that into action. You know we can't really do anything from here ourselves, right?" I nod my head yes. I understand that our circumstances are preventing us from directly being able to do anything, but I'm relieved to know that Boggs seems as set on destroying those vials as I am. Plus, if Beetee is half as crazy as I think he is, I'm sure that he can successfully dispose of them.

It's easier to not dwell on things if you keep moving, and that's exactly what we do. There is no path for us to follow through the rocky forest. Instead, we rely on Boggs to keep us going in the right direction, as he continually turns around to ask the red-headed girl, Scarlett, if she thinks we're close. Finally, as the sun climbs higher into the sky while we scale the top of a steep hill, we see the city laid out before us. Homes are scattered a few hundred feet away from us at the bottom, connected to each other with clean paved roads, and the stench of decay floats on the air towards us.

Finnick is the first to pinch his nose closed, crying out, "Ugh! Disgusting." The smell is wretched, and I will myself to keep whatever is left in my stomach from this morning down. We hastily retreat back down a little farther on the hill, where the trees and rocks help to block the wind, to decide our next course of action will be.

My stomach begins to growl, and I look up again at the sun, guessing it must be past noon already and we haven't eaten since early this morning. "I'm starving," I say, rubbing my stomach and looking at the others.

Boggs answers, "I think we have a few more packs of food in our bags from Beetee, but we should try to fill up our canteens one more time, before we go into the city." There was a small creek bed that we passed through at the bottom of the hill, with just a small amount of water trickling through it, but it should be enough to fill up our water bottles.

"Let's go back to the creek, at the bottom of the hill," I say. "We could fill up our water bottles and eat lunch there before we go into the city." It is agreed upon, but before we start towards water and lunch, Boggs thinks we should try and get a signal through to Haymitch.

I have no idea how the transponders work, other than what Beetee had told me about him being able to track our whereabouts with them on. I watch Boggs, Finnick and Gale as they put some type of earpiece in and start hitting buttons on the side of the transponder, as their watches light up and a tiny screen appears with Haymitch's face on it. Boggs starts telling him about Peeta and the others, while I try to fiddle with my watch but the screen remains blank and motionless. I give up and edge in closer to Gale, so that I can hear what Boggs is telling him.

"Yes, they have the clonos. We've taken one out ourselves, Peeta mentioned there were more." Silence. I can see that Haymitch's lips are moving, but I can't hear the sound because I didn't put my earpiece in. I quickly fumble with it, trying to snap it in my ear before more of the conversation goes past.

"No, we haven't entered the city yet. I think we're going to head for the Training Center first," Boggs is telling him.

Haymitch's voice cuts in and out through static, but he sounds cognitive enough. "No, just get in to Annie and out again."

Boggs hesitates as he looks over to me, before he responds, "That isn't an option. We'll divide then, sending Finnick in one group to get Annie while I go to recover the vials in another."

There is a moment of silence again, before I hear Haymitch mutter some obscenities that I'm pretty sure are directed my way. "I knew I wouldn't be able to stop that girl from doing what she wants..." I shrug my shoulders at Boggs, but Gale just laughs. I glare at him, wondering what he finds to be so funny.

"One last thing," Boggs cuts in, not letting Haymitch finish. "We need to try and destroy the vials that are already in District 13."

"Let me guess, another one of the girl's ideas?" Haymitch's voice is taut, and it's obvious that he's severely annoyed with me.

I speak up, looking straight into Gale's transponder, knowing that we need Haymitch to help us with this. "I thought Beetee could do it. He has access to the Weapons area, and..."

"Not going to work. Beetee isn't there anymore."

"What?" I stammer out. "Where did he go?" Where else would Beetee fit in so perfectly, if not in the Weapons Development department of District 13?

"Coin took him with her, they're on their way to District 1 right now. That's what I've been trying to get across to you. In fact..." Haymitch's voice cuts in and out for a minute with static, so Boggs asks him to repeat himself.

"Coin said she can't wait to see your interview. They plan on airing it tonight."

I swallow the lump that has grown to be as big as a turnip in my throat. Coin is traveling to District 1. She has taken Beetee with her, probably knowing that we might try to use him to destroy the vials back in District 13, _because she already knows where we are. _The air rushes out of me all at once, and my chest feels deflated, like I've been slammed down to the ground. _She knows that we've found out about her clonos._

The realization of what has happened sweeps across the faces of Boggs, Finnick, and Gale. We are in more danger now than we ever were before, and so are Haymitch and Beetee. Boggs is the first to speak, "How much time do we have?"

"Less than 12 hours," Haymitch says flatly.

"Haymitch, you have to do something. We can't let Coin keep those vials..." I'm pleading with him, mostly because I have a deep feeling that we won't be leaving the Capitol alive anymore. And, even if we do, there is no way Coin would let us back into District 13, not with the information we have.

"What do you want me to do? I can't go back now, there isn't time. Who else do you know that could help us?" Haymitch knows what I'm going to say. Prim. She's the only person left in District 13 that I would trust, but I won't let her. It's too dangerous.

"The tunnels," Gale says, almost in a whisper. "There's one that leads to the Weapons Room. It's so old and small that it wasn't seen as necessary to secure it, and over the years people have forgotten about it." Gale is looking at me, though he's still talking to Haymitch, "Prim would fit. They'd never know she was there."

I'm shaking my head no, not believing that Gale would actually suggest we send my little sister on a renegade mission to destroy the vials of DNA that Coin so dearly loves. Boggs had even said they were under tight security.

"No," I say. "Not Prim. Find someone else to do it, but not Prim." She's been kept safe so far, and I'm not going to willingly put her in harm's way.

"What other option do we have Katniss?" Boggs is looking at me, the vein in his neck jutting out. "You know what could happen if we don't get to those vials now." I do know. Coin will kill us all, and then replace us with her clonos. We will be her perfect little soldiers, ones that she can replicate over and over.

"Prim, your mother, my family... none of them are going to be safe unless we try to do something now to stop Coin." Gale chimes in. However much I don't want to agree, I know that he's right. I won't be able to protect Prim from what Coin might do, especially if we don't make it out of here alive. But, I still can't bring myself to allow Prim to do this, there has to be someone else.

"What do you want me to say Gale? 'Go ahead, send Prim. My only little sister that I tried to save by volunteering at the Reaping, only to then send her off and get killed in a tunnel?'" I say, in a mocking fashion. "No way, it's not happening." My mind is resolute in the matter. I'm not giving my consent.

Haymitch's voice cuts back in, "Let's give it a few hours and see what transpires. There's still a chance we might be able to get to District 13 ourselves." It's hard to believe that Haymitch is trying to be a mediator in a dispute, but I'm thankful for it. If anything, it allows me some more time to think about an alternative for how to reach those vials.

The talk of Prim entering the Weapons Room through an old tunnel somewhere in District 13 has made me lose my appetite. Haymitch tells them something about our rendevous point, as well as what needs to be done once we reach Snow's mansion. I pull out my earpiece and give it to Peeta, since Haymitch requested to talk with him, and wander over towards where Johanna, Darius and Scarlett are still waiting.

"I'm going to fill my water bottle," Johanna says, obviously annoyed that she wasn't in on the conversations with Haymitch. "You keep watch over these two." I nod okay, and sit down next to the Avoxes.

Darius gives my braid a playful tug, and I try to smile back at him, but instead sorrow fills me. Maybe Darius sees the look of pity that crosses my face, or maybe he's just still being playful, but he leans over and gives Scarlett a small peck on her cheek before he grabs both their water bottles and heads off after Johanna. Scarlett just rolls her eyes at me and puckers her lips up as she kisses the air around her in an animated fashion while batting her eyelashes, making fun of Darius. I guess he hasn't changed that much, even though he can't speak anymore. I start to laugh, thinking about how Darius was in the Hob before it was burned down. And then, not meaning to, my laughter turns to tears. Not the kind of tears like those that poured heavily out of me earlier. These are just the quiet, bitter kind that seem to glide down my cheeks slowly, as if they're etching a path for future ones to follow.

Darius will never be the same again, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily changed who is. He still likes to joke around, tease the girls and try to kiss them. Even though Snow punished them in a hideous way, he couldn't reach down into the depths of them and snatch away the life that still remains. Darius and Scarlett will never be the same again, but that also doesn't mean they're weaker for it either.

Peeta's hand is on my shoulder, as he gives it a light squeeze and says, "Want to go with me to get our water bottles filled up quick? Boggs wants to get moving quick as we can, so we'll have to eat our lunch on the way."

I wipe my face off, thinking that when we get back to the creek I'm going to try and clean myself up a little bit. Peeta grabs the last two bags of meals from our packs and I dust myself off, following behind him as he heads down the hill towards the water.

We pass Johanna and Darius when we are halfway down the hill, as they're going back up with full water bottles. Johanna is moving briskly ahead of Darius, with a scowl on her face, which isn't anything new. However, as Darius passes by, I see that he has a large red spot on his face in the shape of a hand. He has a big smirk plastered across his face and winks at me as he passes by.

"Did you see that?" Peeta asks, after they've disappeared from sight.

"See what?" I say, trying to sound nonchalant, but it's all I can do to keep from smiling. Darius is either more brave than I've given him credit for, or entirely stupid. Or both.

When we reach the creek, I let my braids out and dunk my head under the water. It's cool and refreshing. I didn't realize how dirty I had gotten from hiking all morning, and suddenly wish I could just soak the rest of my body in the shallow creek bed and wash away all that's happened in the course of this day. Instead, I sit on a small boulder by the side of the water and fill up my water bottle while I try to untangle my hair.

I listen for a while as the birds fill our silence with their songs. Then, I turn around to face the forest and I whistle a little bit of the melody from the song that my mother said my father had sang to her when they walked to the edge of the meadow, a song about the mornings in a meadow. The birds have grown silent, waiting for me to continue. I whistle the melody again, this time a little louder. When I finish, they pick up where I've left off, until the whole forest is alive with the sound of their voices, echoing back to me.

I turn back around and catch Peeta looking at me so intensely, with those clear blue eyes, that it catches me off guard. "What are you staring at?" I say.

"You. That was beautiful. You're... beautiful," he says, his voice catching. I should be used to Peeta and the words he uses, but it still makes me blush.

"My mother said my father sang it to her, the first time they went for a walk together out by the meadow," I say, quickly trying to change the subject. "It just kind of came to me now. I don't know why. I guess I must have been thinking of back home." Home. It sounds so strange to say. Our home doesn't even exist anymore.

"Peeta, there's something I need to tell you." I don't know how I'm going to say what needs to come next. _Your family is dead. _No, I can't start out that way. Maybe, _there was an accident..._ But, that's not true. It wasn't an accident. The Capitol knew exactly what they were doing.

"District 12. Something happened..." I say, stammering over the words, not quite sure of how to continue.

"Gale already told me this morning," Peeta says, as he turns away from me and squats down to start filling up the rest of the water bottles we brought with us.

"Oh... Did he tell you about your family?" I say cautiously, my eyes focused on the back of his head. I wish he would turn around and look at me.

"Yeah." Peeta stops filling up the bottles for a minute and sits back on his heels, still keeping his back to me.

I walk around to him and sit down next to him on the side of the creek bed, and put my hand on his. "Your dad was a good man. Madge found him, after the bombs hit..." my voice is catching, so I give a little cough to clear away the bubble that's formed there, before I continue. "He told her that he loved you." I leave out the part about the birds singing, because I'm still not sure what that means.

Peeta lifts his head to look at me, and I see that his blue eyes are brimming with tears that threaten to overflow. I bite me lip before I say, "I'm sorry Peeta. It's my fault."

"It's not your fault Katniss." Peeta says, squeezing my hand hard. "You know as much as I do that we haven't had control over anything that's happened since we first went to the Games."

"Snow bombed District 12 because of what I did in the arena!" I cry out. "That was directly my fault!"

"Not really," Peeta says, looking straight into my eyes. "You were trying to save everyone around you, except for yourself." Our faces are only inches away from each other, and I can feel his warm breath as it swirls around my cheeks and down my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Yeah. Well, you can see how good that turned out." I say, looking down at the rocks. My mind traces over the memories I have of those last moments in the arena again.

"Peeta, when they pulled me from the arena, and you were left behind..." my tongue feels thick, like it's covered in sticky molasses, making it hard for the words to come out. However hard it's been for me to explain the feelings I have for Peeta, I think it's time for him to hear the truth that I do know. "I didn't want to live without you next to me," I blurt out.

"You don't owe me anything Katniss," Peeta says, almost exasperated by my words. He looks upset, and takes a deep breath before beginning, "I've come to realize that maybe I've gotten caught up with everything. You know, the whole 'Star-crossed lovers from District 12' thing." I turn to look at him, not believing what I think he's telling me.

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you saying that..." I can't bring myself to finish the sentence. I'm afraid to hear what he might answer.

"No. My feelings for you Katniss are real. They always have been." He says it softly, and his blue eyes are burning through me again. I think I feel my heart skip a beat. "But, I don't want you and I to be together only because the Capitol forced it. That is something I could never live with." My throat feels tight. I'm pretty sure that he's giving me the same speech that Gale did back in District 13.

"I want us to try being friends. Just friends. And whatever happens between us, if we make it back to District 12 again..." His eyes, those blue eyes, have captured me. There could be a myriad of things going on around us, but I wouldn't even know it.

Wasn't he listening to me? Didn't I just tell him that I couldn't face life anymore without him next to me? "Please Peeta," I say, leaning forward towards him, but he turns his face away from me before my lips can reach his.

He stands up, dusting himself off and grabs the rest of the water bottles, leaving me behind on the ground. I feel embarrassed and... stunned. A little bit like a deer must feel, once they've been caught off guard in the woods, knowing that they've just been discovered. This isn't what I had imagined would happen once I told Peeta how I felt about him. Were my words too cryptic? Surely not for Peeta to understand. He always seems to know what I feel, even before I do.

I pick myself up, grabbing the full water bottles, and try to take deep breaths to ward away the tightness that is beginning to swell in my chest. My cheeks feel hot and my mouth is dry. I once again have the deep desire to submerge myself in the cool water and pretend that this discussion never took place.

My face must project what I'm feeling to Peeta, because he stops to look at me again, his eyes piercing through me. It makes my legs feel wobbly, and the image of the deer floods my mind.

"Come on," he says gently, taking my hand in his, his voice steady. "We need to start back. Boggs is probably wondering what's taking us so long." I leave my hand entwined with his, for as long as I can, afraid to let go, until the ascent becomes too steep and Peeta needs his hand back to steady himself.

And, when he does finally let go of my grasp, I feel a sense of sadness wash over me. Something that I can only compare to that which I felt when my father died. A sense of grief mixed with longing. And, finally, there is no ounce of uncertainty left in my body for what I truly feel for this boy who is treading up the hill ahead of me. The heat that seared my skin so long ago from the bread he threw to me now pierces my inner being. There is a reason why I cling to him, why I need him next to me. I love him.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The opening to the first of the Avox tunnels into the city lies at the bottom of the hill. However, since we've already been spotted by the clonos and we're short on time, Boggs decides against using them, at least for now.

"We can move faster on land. They already know we're here so let's get our weapons ready to engage enemy fire. I'll take point position. Gale, you're in back."

The descent onto the paved streets of the Capitol is quiet and anti-climatic. Even so, we tread carefully, not knowing who or what could be lying around the next corner. As we wind our way around the residential neighborhoods scattered with pastel colored roofs designed to match the colored concrete, the stench from bodies that are haphazardly laying on the streets and across the sidewalks leaves me gagging. I follow Boggs instructions and pull out two gas masks from my pack. I strap mine on and hand the extra one to Peeta. So far the only people we've encountered are dead ones. But I can't shake the feeling that someone is watching us.

My mind starts wandering back to this morning, to my encounter with the clono of Rue. I replay the event over and over, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently to help her? But the actualization that there simply was no way to help her, other than killing her, appals me. The little girl wasn't truly Rue, but yet she was, and I'm having a very difficult time being able to separate the two. I know that there are more of them waiting for us, aware of our presence. It's just going to be a matter of time before we will have to encounter them. The thought makes me shudder.

As the neighborhoods start to end, apartment buildings and storefronts take their place. They are more vibrantly colored than the residential section, in neon hues that seem to cast their strange glow on all of us. From here we can see the windows of the large buildings that lie in the heart of the Capitol glistening in the heat of the noonday sun. There's something else about this scene that seems strange to me. It's eerily quiet. I look around at the large television screens that flank us on either side of the street. They too are lifeless and empty. Only a few weeks ago and images of Peeta and I had been projected up there...

I try to refocus on the prospect of killing Snow, but instead thoughts of Peeta and Gale start to fill my head and rattle around in there, which is never good. They have a tendency to not coexist well together in my mind.

I steal a glance back at Gale who is keeping a vigilant watch on the streets surrounding us. Gale is my closest friend. Peeta is... _hard to define. _I love Gale, in the same way that I love Prim and my mother, 'But not in the same way that I love Peeta,' I finally admit to myself. Gale is handsome, courageous, and _reliable. _He shoots me a quick grin and I turn back around, throwing that word back and forth for a while. Yes, reliable. I rely on him to be my friend.

Peeta is..._ what is he?_ He is good, and kind, and, _and_... he comforts me. He provides a sense of security for me and the promise of... hope? Yes, hope. Hope in the place of my dread and fear. _When did I start feeling that way about him? _There was something set deep within me, even before we boarded that train to the Capitol together, that tethered me to him. Not love, but definitely a strong enough emotion to root itself inside of me. Strong enough to grow into what it is now. _Would anything have ever happened between us if we hadn't been a part of the Games? Could anything good actually come from the Games? _I don't want to readily admit it but in this case, maybe so. My life has been forever changed by the boy with the bread, in more ways than I can even count. _How am I going to convince Peeta that my feelings for him are real, and not an act to keep us alive anymore?_ I have no idea. I feel a bead of perspiration slide slowly down my back, just as Boggs calls us to halt in an alleyway between two concrete buildings.

Boggs pulls his mask off and says, "We're two blocks away from the Training Center. President Snow's mansion is only a block further down the road from there. We need to discuss our plans and divide into teams."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and will myself to dismiss the thought of Peeta and I together apart from all this mess that the Capitol has created around us, but it's hard to do. He's standing right next to me and for unknown reasons, I can't seem to take my eyes off the golden hairs on his arms, or the long eyelashes that shield his blue eyes.

"You okay Katniss?" Peeta asks me. I must have missed a part of a conversation, because everyone is looking at me now, waiting for me to respond.

"Uh... yeah. Fine. Just thinking..." I mumble out. My cheeks are suddenly hot and I swear inwardly to myself to never let that happen again. I absentmindedly brush a piece of hair away from my face and exhale. I need to focus on what were are here to do.

Boggs patience is wearing thin, and his words come out in a hiss to me. "You need to choose. My team, which is going to the Training Center, or Finnick's team, who is going to secure the perimeter of Snow's mansion."

I don't know which team I want to be on more. The thought of being able to kill President Snow with my own hands is winning out in my mind, but I also made a promise to myself that I would personally see to it that those vials of DNA in the basement of the Training Center would be destroyed. I still don't trust Boggs enough to let him do the job without someone there to make sure he actually destroys them. Maybe there's a chance I can do both.

"If we can get into the Training Center and destroy those vials quickly, then couldn't we still meet up with Finnick and the others at Snow's mansion, to help them get Annie out? In theory, do both?"

Boggs leans against the concrete building and scratches his chin, all the while keeping an intent focus on my eyes as he considers my question. I'm pretty sure that he's reading my thoughts and knows what my real intentions will be if I get close to Snow. But instead of telling me no, he just gives me smirk and says, "Whoever has the best shot gets to shoot first."

Fair enough. I decide to go with Boggs to the Training Center first, as does Peeta, Gale and Darius. That leaves our teams uneven, but I already know that it would be a waste of our time to try and tell Gale or Peeta to do otherwise. Plus, we need Darius to guide us through the tunnel on the inside of the Training Center that leads to Snow's mansion.

"We already know that there are clonos guarding Snow and Annie. So, the best thing for you to do," Boggs is pointing towards Finnick, "Is to get into the mansion, secure the perimeter on the inside and wait for us to give you back-up when we're done in the Training Center."

I watch as Finnick's jaw tightens, like he's on the verge of arguing with Boggs' plan, and then relax as he shakes his head in agreement. "Okay. But if anything goes wrong, I'm going after Annie regardless if you're there or not."

Boggs must know that it's also worthless to argue with Finnick about this, so he just shakes his head a little bit and lets out a big sigh. Now it's time to make our plan of attack. Odds are that the clonos have both the Training Center and Snow's mansion on high alert, waiting for us to appear. We're going to have to be careful to not draw attention to ourselves or the whole rescue attempt could be over as quickly as it started.

"When we get into the Training Center, we'll head straight for the vials. Gale, you and Peeta are going to have to do look-out for the clonos, making sure to distract them from where Katniss and I will be. Darius, you need to get us into the room where the vials are located." I watch as he nods his head knowingly. There must be something more to getting through the door than just flipping the latch.

"Scarlett, you need to get Finnick and Johanna into Snow's mansion without being seen. If you secure the area, then the rest of us can help to take out the clonos guarding Snow and Annie when we're finished at the Training Center." She gives a curt nod of her head and Johanna rolls her eyes.

"You mean, when Finnick and I secure the area," Johanna says arrogantly. "I don't think your little Avox girl here is much use to us, other than helping us through the tunnels."

Boggs just looks at Johanna for a few seconds before he says, "You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover."

Johanna mumbles, "Why's he talking about books for?" and Finnick just gives a little laugh. The remark obviously went over her head, and Finnick laughing at her hasn't helped. She lands a punch hard into his arm and he playfully pouts back to her, pretending to be injured, but still smiling.

Boggs has decided that our best way to get into the Training Center is by using the same tunnels that Peeta and Johanna escaped in since they will empty us out into the basement floor, right where we want to be. Finnick, Johanna, and Scarlett will all continue on to Snow's mansion ahead of us.

Just as Boggs lifts up the round, shiny metal plate that covers a hole in the middle of the street, a raspy sounding voice bellows through the air above us, followed by the sound of static. I freeze, for a moment thinking that we've been found by the clonos. It's only when I look up and see the large screens flickering warily on and off, on either side of us, that I realize what's going on. Haymitch is sending us his signal. We only have a few hours to get ourselves out of the city before the bombs start to drop.

A large picture of Caesar flashing his bright smile, with Finnick seated next to him, fill the screen as I descend into the tunnel that will lead us towards the vials, towards Annie, towards Snow. I take a deep breath and steady my grip on the ladder as I go down, and down, and down into the dark abyss.

Boggs is the only one left on the ladder above me since I let everyone else go in first, and I hear the words of Caesar echo to me from above, "Finnick, I'm sure the citizens of Panem would love to hear what you have to say concerning President Snow. After all, doesn't everyone love to hear a secret?"


	20. Chapter 20

Part III Truth

Chapter 20

I don't stop until my feet finally hit the slick pavement at the bottom, and even then I find it hard to release my tense grip on the steel ladder.

"Watch your step Catnip," Gale says, shining his flashlight in my face. "You don't want to fall into the river down here."

I turn around to see what river he's talking about, and then groan when my eyes finally adjust to the dim light. The sewer. We are in the sewers of the Capitol. And it isn't just one "river" he's talking about, there are two of them. One looks and smells much worse than the other, and I'm pretty sure that if you fell into that black water, you wouldn't be coming back out of it. If the stench of dead bodies doesn't make my lunch come up, this might. The smell of human waste, chemicals and mildew threatens to overtake me and I adjust the straps on my mask, trying to make it as tight as possible.

"Oh, it's not so bad down here, is it Peeta pie?" Johanna purrs out, and she gives him a little pat on his cheek as she walks past him. He turns toward me, mouthing _"Don't let her get close to me down here" _before tightening his own mask over his mouth.

My nervous laugh comes out as a half-snort, half-laugh which echoes off the brick wall back to me. Pretty soon, everyone is laughing at my laugh, and we've lost the ability to control ourselves.

"Shhhh!" Boggs voice carries over our noise. He's landed on the pavement next to me. "This is not the time, nor the place to be giving our cover away!" His scolding succumbs the group's laughter.

"I'm sorry," I say meekly as another snort-laugh finds it's way out of my throat and into the dark chamber ahead. Again, the laughter ripples around our group and Boggs throws his arms in the air, in mock disgust. But I'm pretty sure that I heard him chuckle as he brushed past me.

We travel along the main sewer line, which seems to continually twist and turn, all the while passing by other tunnels cutting in various directions. I'm thankful for Darius and Scarlett, who seem to know these tunnels like the back of their hand, and are less afraid of the murky water and slippy pavement than I am.

Finally, we reach an area where two main tunnels intersect and the path widens a bit. Darius pushes himself against the wall, using hand gestures towards us, pointing up towards the ceiling where there are two security cameras mounted against the wall. He then points toward the water, leading our trailing eyes to a large drainage pipe that leads into the main sewer only a foot or so away, just out of the camera's shot. He wants us to crawl through that? That means we have to...

Before anyone can argue with his plan, Darius is already wading waist deep in the murky water, towards the rusty pipe. Peeta grabs my elbow and whispers, "It's okay. This is the way we escaped the first time, and we didn't have these masks on to help us then." He taps the plastic surrounding his nose and mouth and I nod my head. Okay, point well taken. If Peeta and Johanna managed to do it without the mask, I should be able to do it with the mask strapped tightly on.

"By the way," Peeta says in a low whisper, "What was that, up on the screens out there? It sounded like Finnick's voice."

"Ugh," I say with disgust. "We did an interview with Caesar, before we came here. As a way to sneak past Coin. Plutarch put it together. Haymitch is playing it now to warn us that we're running out of time." The interview. I'd hardly thought about it one bit, especially with everything else that's happened since we were dropped off outside the Capitol.

Surprise and shock flash across his face. "Wow! Really? All by yourself?"

"Yeah," I mutter. I silently replay in my mind all of the information that Caesar so effortlessly gleamed from me. If we do survive this rescue attempt, there isn't a single citizen in Panem who is going to like me. Not after they've heard how I played on Peeta's emotions just to stay alive. In fact, I doubt Peeta will care much for me after he hears the interview. Maybe I need to downplay the situation.

"It's not that great. You know, me and television." I don't even have to try to show disgust, it just naturally emanates from me when I think about camera crews. "I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to see it. Pretty boring, you know. Just me. Talking about..._stuff." _I don't know if my attempt at back-pedaling worked, but I hope so. I need to talk to Peeta in private before he listens to anything to that I told Caesar.

"Oh yeah?" Peeta says with a smile playing across his lips. "Now I'm intrigued."

Great. That was not the angle I was going for. I take a deep breath and slowly slide my legs into the brownish green water after him, trying to ignore the fact that Peeta is still watching my face. I need him to forget about the whole interview with Caesar.

Black slime has engulfed me up the waist now. I keep my bow lifted high above my body, intent on trying to keep it from making contact with the putrid water. Darius clamors into the rusty pipe first, followed by Gale, Finnick, Scarlett, Johanna and then Peeta. I stand back to let Boggs go next, but he just shakes his head no and says, "Ladies first."

I'm not sure about me being a lady, but I don't argue with him. Peeta grabs my wrists and pulls me up towards him into the metal tube, just as I turn my body a tiny bit to readjust where my bow is. I don't want it getting scratched, but more importantly, I want it handy. Just in case.

Boggs is right behind me, pulling himself up to follow us, when I see her. Clinging like a dark shadow against the stone wall across from us. Right where we were just all standing minutes ago. In the same second that it takes for me to warn Boggs, she's already made her move. I watch as the knife turns, end over end, before it buries itself shaft deep into his left shoulder.

"Gah!" Boggs screams, as he loses his grip on the drain and slides back into the rank water. My instincts take over and in the fraction of time since I first saw her shadow and watched the knife sail through the air, my bow is loaded and I pull back on the arrow, willing it to pierce through the shadow. A small noise escapes her body as she crumples to the ground and slides serpentine-like, into the water.

"What's going on?" Gale shouts down to us, his voice full of panic.

"Boggs was injured. A clono." Peeta says, yelling back to Gale. "Which one was it Katniss?"

"Clove," I gasp out. _What was she doing down here? _Did some of the clonos see us descend down into the tunnels? Or, have they finally figured out the escape route that Peeta and Johanna used, and were waiting to ambush us?

"Climb!" Boggs is ordering me, as he grabs tightly onto the drain again and pulls himself upward. "There's another one down here. I have a feeling she's been following us for a while." I don't really have to guess as to which clono it is. There's only one who could have that much stealth. Foxface. The others scramble ahead of us, knocking their limbs against the metal tube as they go. So much for the element of surprise. Our pounding vibrations sound like a herd of elephants.

When we're three-quarters of the way up the tube, I watch as he pulls a small stick out from under his vest. It looks vaguely familiar to me because the men who worked in the coal mine used the same thing in the seam. Dynamite.

"Are you crazy?" I screech out. "You'll blow us all up with that! You can't use dynamite down here!" I feel my body move in a panic up the drain pipe, scrambling to climb as far away from Boggs as possible.

"Calm down," he says through gritted teeth. I watch as he puts the cylindrical tube into his mouth and then yanks the knife out from between his shoulder blades where it was lodged. A scream of pain escapes through his lips as he drops the knife into the grime below us.

"Are you okay?" I ask. Of course he's not okay, he has a gaping wound in his left shoulder. The sight of it is making me head feel light, and I turn away from him, sucking in deep breaths through my mask.

"Fine," he says through gritted teeth again. "But you need to climb. We have to get out of this pipe."

Darius and the others have reached the top of the shaft now. I can see them climbing through a grate that has us somewhere in the basement of the Training Center. It's just Boggs and I who are left in the metal chute now.

"Just so you know, it isn't dynamite," Boggs grunts out as we reach the exit. "It's a flare. But, down in the tunnels with all the methane gas, it'll pretty much do the same damage, and you've given me an idea." Boggs is still gritting his teeth with every word he utters out, and it's apparent to me that we need to get that wound cleaned out when we get to the top. But, what was he just saying about methane gas?

Peeta and Finnick help to pull us up and out, being careful not to tug too roughly on Bogg's injured arm. I look around quickly, trying to figure out where we are. It's a small hallway, somewhere in the bottom of the Training Center. Gale has his first aid kit out, attempting to squirt some type of antiseptic onto the wound and get a bandage secured, but Boggs gives him a dismissive wave with his good arm.

"Watch out," he says gruffly. Then he pulls the cap off the end of flare, and strikes the ends together. It reminds me of a giant match as the top catches fire.

"So much for being inconspicuous," Boggs says as he lets the flare drop down the tube below us. Two seconds later and a loud "BOOM! Ba-BOOM!" explodes below us, rocking the floor and sending a flash of fire up through the metal grate that we just crawled through.

"Well," Boggs says matter-of-factly, "That should take care of that other clono down there."

"Humpfh..." Johanna says, with a crooked grin spread across her face. "Nobody told me that we'd get to blow things up."

"What now Boggs?" Finnick yells at him, clenching his fists into balls. I don't know if Finnick could take him or not, but by the way his muscles are tensed up I can tell he's weighing the option.

"Look. The tunnels obviously aren't safe anymore. So, we're going to have to find another way into the mansion." Boggs is calm and collected, more than I can say for Finnick.

"Another way in?" Finnick says, obviously annoyed. "How do you plan on taking out the force field around the mansion, plus all the clonos that are guarding the outside?"

"I have a secret weapon," he says, pointing towards Scarlett. "And the clonos, we'll deal with them when we get there. One thing at a time Finnick. Don't worry, Annie is going to be okay."

"She'd better be okay, or you're going to pay for it," Finnick says, grinding his teeth together. "She was the reason for this mission, remember?" he says, brushing past me roughly.

Darius is waving at us wildly to move, and Peeta is the first to voice Darius' actions. "Come on, we should get moving. That noise is going to attract attention." We wait until Gale has finished bandaging up Boggs as best as he can before we start moving and I'm thankful for not being called on to be the medic this time.

Darius and Scarlett lead the way, winding us around a maze of concrete hallways, lined with thick steel doors on either side. I wonder what's behind all of these doors? Are the vials that contain the DNA we're looking for locked behind one of them?

We pass by another set of steel doors that look more like cages and I see Peeta wince as we run past. These must be the cells where he and Johanna were held. A sharp pang of guilt pulls at my ribcage at the thought of what would have happened to Peeta if Annie wouldn't have been able to help him escape. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if anything would have happened to him.

My mind is still trailing on the cell that we just passed, so I didn't see Gale stop suddenly in front of me as I raced around the corner. I hit him hard, almost knocking us both to the ground.

"Whoa, Katniss." Gale says, helping me readjust my bow and arrows.

"Sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going," I say sheepishly, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Things have still been a little tense between us since we talked to Haymitch about trying to destroy the vials of DNA back in District 13's labs.

Gale has always been able to see right through me, and this time isn't an exception. "Are you still mad at me for telling Haymitch about those old tunnels in District 13?"

"No," I lie. I keep my eyes focused on the wall right past his left shoulder, hoping that he doesn't see the emotion playing in my face.

"Look, don't worry about it," Gale says, taking my chin between his fingers and turning my face so that I can't avoid his eyes any more. "I told Haymitch to send Rory. He should be able to fit through the tunnels. Plus, he already knew about them and is more familiar with the security than Prim would be. It was a stupid idea on my part to involve Prim in the first place. I should've known better and I'm sorry."

"What?" I say, pushing his fingers away from my face. "You can't send Rory! He might get hurt!" It was never my intention for Gale to send one of his siblings in place of Prim.

"You did want those vials that Coin already has to be destroyed, right?" Gale asks.

"Of course," I say. "I just didn't want anyone to get hurt doing it."

"He's not a little kid anymore Katniss," Gale says softly, his eyes searching mine. "He knows how dangerous it is, and I trust him to do the job. Plus, he was dying for a little excitement to happen in District 13." Gale keeps his gaze on me for a second longer, before he turns and wraps his arm around me, giving my shoulder a squeeze. I notice Peeta glancing at us from the corner of his eye before he turns his back to me.

I let out a big sigh, knowing that it doesn't matter what I think. Gale has already told Haymitch to go ahead with his plan and that's that. I wouldn't be surprised if Rory is already crawling his way through the stone tunnels in District 13. I look up quickly at Gale, but before I can even ask the question he's already answered.

"Yes. He's probably already in the tunnel." Gale might be a better liar than me, but this time I can feel the tenseness in his body as he uttered the words. He's just as concerned about the safety of his brother as I am about Prim. And if anything should happen to Rory... I don't want to think about what it might do to Gale.

"Stop!" Boggs hisses to us, taking a few steps back. "We're almost there, but I think I heard..."

A large rock zooms past Boggs head, barely missing him and ricochets against the concrete wall, hitting Darius instead. Blood oozes from where the rock cut into his scalp, and Darius falls to his knees as Johanna deftly flings an axe past him, landing squarely in the chest of the assailant. My chest heaves as I choke back the tears. Thresh lies dead in the middle of the floor, blood pooling around him.

Four more clonos round the corner, standing on either side of where Thresh lay. I recognize them as the girl tributes and boy tributes from District 9 and 10. My arrow flies straight through the air, without my permission. I don't remember even setting myself to shoot, but regardless, the arrow sinks itself into the neck of the girl from District 9. I watch as she falls, motionless, to the floor. _Was she even armed?_

Gale, Finnick and Boggs take care of the other clonos quickly. In the matter of one minute, five still bodies lay directly in front of us. Five bodies that are real, yet not what they seem to be. The images flash quickly before my eyes. Rue. Clove. Foxface. Thresh. My legs feel weak and my body seems to have forgotten how to breathe. My nightmares are being played out for me in real time and it's all I can do to keep myself from fracturing into a million pieces right now.

"Katniss, get up." It's Peeta and he's got a hold of my elbow, trying to help me up. I must have sat down in the midst of all the bloodshed. My heart still doesn't seem to be pumping blood through my body like it should. I have the strange feeling like my head is somehow disconnected from the rest of me, floating in space.

"Katniss! Do you hear me?" It's Peeta's voice again, and this time he has a hold of my face between his hands. I try to find his eyes, focusing on how the blue seems to mimic that of a summer sky, placing my cold hands against his warm ones.

"I'm okay" I say, although my voice comes out all shaky. I take a deep breath trying to steady myself. "They just caught me off-guard is all."

Peeta seems reluctant to let go of me, but I force my body to stand up hoping that my shakiness won't send me toppling back to the ground. "Really, I'm okay now," I say, reassuring him and myself.

"Okay," he says, and gives my hand a quick squeeze before he lets go.

I look around at the others. Gale has the first-aid kit open again, this time trying to patch up the nasty looking cut on Darius' head while Johanna and Finnick are gathering up their weapons and wiping the blood off them.

"Here," Finnick says, handing me back my arrow. "Thought you might like it back."

"Thanks," I say solemnly, putting it quickly back into the sheath where it belongs.

"Hey, about earlier..." Finnick says, a hint of remorse in his voice. "I didn't mean it was your fault. You know, for all of this..." his voice trails off.

"It's okay Finnick" I say. "If it were Peeta locked up next to Snow's side, I'd act the same way. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand." I had forgotten that Peeta was right next to me. He has a smile playing across his lips as he walks away, making an excuse to check on Darius.

My ears feel hot and Finnick laughs at me. "I can't believe you still blush when you talk about Peeta. It's _obvious _how you feel about him."

"_Is it?" _I say, mortified at myself. I wonder how long people have seen what I hadn't even realized myself until earlier today.

Finnick just rolls his eyes and walks off towards Johanna laughing. I'm glad someone finds humor at my expense.

After Darius is bandaged up we move quickly down the hallway, following him and Boggs to a large double door made of steel. There are no handles on the door, only some type of keyboard on the wall next to it. I watch in wonder as Scarlett quickly pulls out a little tool from her pocket and quickly dismantles the keyboard. She bends over it, using her teeth and her little knife to cut away wires. Her brow is furrowed in concentration and she bites her lower lip as she wraps two wires together, then unwraps them and tries two different wires. A small noise emits from the steel door, like it's taking a deep breath, as they slowly start to open.

"See what I meant about having a secret weapon?" Boggs says, smiling proudly at Scarlett.

We push ourselves through the door, into a very large room full of tables laden with microscopes, machines that seem to hum in unison and test tubes full of different colored liquid. This must be the laboratory, but how on earth are we going to find what we came for?

Darius seems to sense my worry and quickly motions towards a large steel canister across the room. Boggs follows as do I, leaving Finnick and Johanna to guard the door.

I watch as Boggs slides on a large pair of gloves, they look like enormous potholders, and Darius opens up the large steel canister. He pushes a button and the canister opens like the wings of a butterfly, ready to take flight. Cold smoke billows out from where the canister has opened up, swirling around Boggs like magic. He lifts out a smaller tube and says, "They should be in here."

"What do you mean, 'They should be in here?'" I say.

"Well, unless Coin is one step ahead of us, the DNA vials should be in here." He says back to me with an edge to his voice.

I hold my breath, waiting for Boggs to unscrew the top. More smoke billows around him, but in that brief second of time, I can tell in his eyes that we're too late. He drops the canister to the ground where it rolls around at his feet. Empty.


	21. Chapter 21

******Author's Note: I'm back! Sorry it's taken me so long. I've been busy with another writing engagement, and it took more time than I thought. This story should be finished within a few more chapters. :)**

Chapter 21

Boggs just looks at me, with a blank expression smeared across his face, until I can't take the silence any longer.

"Now what?" I demand. "Do you think Coin already has them?" I hope not.

"We need to get out of here." Boggs says, rushing past me and out into the hallway again.

"What do you mean?" Finnick says. "You think this was a trap?"

"Maybe." Boggs says, still reserved. "I don't think Coin has the vials yet. She would've already sent the bombs if she did. I think she's planning on coming here and..."

"What?" I say irritably.

"I think she was hoping we'd find them for her." Boggs says with a big sigh.

"But we haven't found them!" I screech out. I'm not sure when my patience seems to be so thin, or my nerves so brittle, but it's all I can do to try and keep myself together.

Gale comes to my side. "Katniss, we'll find them before she does. This is working in our favor. She won't let the bombs drop until she has what she wants."

I know he's right about the bombs, but just how are we going to find the vials now before she does. They could be anywhere in the Capitol... The pieces are slowly clicking together in my head, and I look up at Boggs, my hands shaking as I voice what he must have already figured out.

"Snow has them, doesn't he? That's why Coin is letting us get this far." That's why the clonos we encountered earlier were unarmed. That's why they haven't killed us already. Coin is trying to lure us to Snow's mansion.

"Yes." Boggs replies in a tired way, slowly turning from me and heading towards the hallway.

"We can't just walk down the street to Snow's mansion," Finnick snorts out. "First of all, we won't be able to get past the force field without blowing it up and we all know how well that went the last time." Finnick looks at me gravely and I avert his icy stare by running after Boggs. He has to have a plan.

"What's the plan Boggs?" I ask, jogging behind his brisk pace down the hallway.

"I don't have one."

"What?" I say, perplexed. We didn't come this far to simply turn around and walk out of here. In fact, we can't walk out of here. We're trapped. "You've got to figure it out then. You need to get those vials. You know..."

"You heard me," he says, irritation overflowing in his voice. "I DON'T KNOW!" His face turns five colors of red and a big vein pops out from the side of his neck. I cower back a few steps, frightened by the sudden menacing stance that he's taken.

"Hey, Boggs. It's okay." Peeta brushes past me and stands between Boggs and myself.

Of course, it's Peeta. Peaceful Peeta. I silently wonder if there's ever been a time he hasn't tried to make peace between people. Why is he always so eager to calm others down? I wonder if it's because of the way his mother treated him, his witch of a mother who never thought twice about raising her arm against him. My stomach blanches at the thought of that red welt against his cheek in the pouring rain.

"Look. We'll figure something out." Peeta motions to Darius and says, "Where are the cameras? Is there a way we can see where the other clonos might be?"

"Like a security room?" I ask, following on the hind thought of Peeta's idea. Darius nods his head enthusiastically and motions towards the stairs. We all follow and, in no time at all, Darius and Scarlett have us two floors up behind steel doors in a room covered with screens. Live video is being shown from every part of the building. My eyes dart to a screen that shows a bedroom, just like the one I was in on level twelve. I gulp loudly.

"Ha!" Peeta yelps out gleefully. "There they are. Looks like there's a pair at almost every elevator door." Sure enough. A pair of clonos stand together guarding almost every floor above ours, except for the very top floors. I suck in my breath as their faces come across the screen. So many of the same faces that haunt my dreams.

"Wait," Boggs says calmly, holding an authoritative hand up, obviously with his anger under control once more. "What's your idea Peeta?"

He shakes his head and blushes a little bit before he says, "It's not really my idea. I picked it up from Gale, when we were out checking snares. He said you can always tell how to trap something by paying attention to the tracks the animals leave behind. I thought, maybe, if we could tell where the clonos are now, we might be able to..."

"Lead them straight into a trap," Gale finishes.

"Top of the roof," Gale and Peeta say together in unison. They both stand, staring at each other, in some type of goofy conspiratorial grin. I feel momentarily stupefied by the testosterone surging through the room.

"Wait," I say cautiously. "If we lead them to the top of the roof, then how are we supposed to escape?"

Finnick beats Johanna in rolling his eyes at me. "Wings," he says boringly, pretending to yawn.

"Duh," Johanna says, tapping her index finger hard against my skull as she struts past.

_What? _Oh, that's right. Beetee's crazy addition to our tactile suits. But how did Peeta and Johanna know about the wings? I feel like my mind is lagging behind on the details here.

"Boggs showed us, after we swam across the lake," Peeta says, as if reading my thoughts. "He told us not to push certain buttons on the suits, unless we were going to jump off a mountain or something." He grins at me in a big, toothy, boyish way and for a moment I forget that we're about ready to lure deadly clonos to the top of a building and then jump off it. I grin back at him.

"Of course, we're not all going to need to go to the roof. Darius and Scarlett are going to have to work their magic in the control room," Gale says, shooting a shy smile over to Scarlett. She blushes pink back at him and, for a moment, my breath catches. No way. _Gale likes the Avox girl?_

"Sounds like a good plan," Boggs voice booms out and distracts me from my gawking. "Let's split up. I'll stay with Scarlett and Darius, in case they run into trouble. That leaves you five to weed out the clonos." His eyes narrow into slits as he focuses on me and my heart does double-time. I know he's thinking about what just happened with the clonos we met earlier. I know he's wondering if I'm capable of handling myself. I pull my bow into my hands and load an arrow into it.

"I'm ready for whatever we come across," I say resolutely, even as my knees are beginning to feel like jelly.

"Why are we still standing here then?" Finnick says, annoyed. I can tell he's starting to get frantic about Annie again.

"We need a distraction," Peeta says. "Something that will lure them to the roof."

"Fire." Johanna and I mouth the words at the same time. It's eery. She smirks at me in a you-know-it kind of way and I lift the edges of my lips back to her. I am the 'Girl on Fire' after all.

Gale's face looks ashen at the sisterhood of Johanna and I. "Before we start any fires," he says tensely, "We need to disarm the force fields that surround this building and the mansion. And, we need to make sure that Darius, Scarlett and Boggs can get out safely." I roll my eyes effectively at Gale. Like Boggs wouldn't be able to get them to safety.

Scarlett rolls her eyes at Gale and points towards a door on one of the screens. It's the exit to the street and, for now, it stands unguarded. It's on this same floor. That means, right now, we're at ground level. Twelve flights of stairs to make it to the top, and then to jump off... I gulp again.

"Look," Boggs says, pointing to a series of red buttons underneath the monitors. "I don't even think we need a real fire. We can sound the alarms when you're close to the top. We'll be watching you on the monitors. I'll give you a few flares just in case, but, I think..." he digs around in his backpack for a while and then pulls something out, smirking like an adolescent school-boy. "Yes!" He grins widely. "Smoke bombs." Fake fire. This seems much better than the real thing. Instinct takes over, and I reach down and rub my leg, the place where fire scorched me last. Even though there is no scar to show it, my memory will never let the pain it caused recede.

Gale, with the smoke bombs in hand, races back towards the stairwell, with the rest of us following behind. I opt for bringing up the rear and, when Peeta starts to protest about my placement, I hold up my bow and arrow. He raises an unapproving eyebrow but turns around and marches ahead with everyone else. He knows my arrows from behind are much more effective than what anyone else has to offer.

We run, relentlessly spiraling upwards and upwards in the stairwell. I keep looking below, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to be following us. But, the only thing to be heard is the click-clack of our footsteps. It's unnerving.

Finally, when we've reached the halfway mark, Gale pulls out a flare. "We'll throw this out in the hallway on floor eight. The cameras didn't show any clonos above that. Once we hear Boggs push the alarms, we're going to have to move. It won't take long for the clonos to find us." He says it quietly. Reverently. I wonder if he's scared. If he is, it doesn't show. His face remains cool and collected. More than I can say for myself. My hands have already started to tremble. Peeta catches one of my cold hands in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze as he walks past. My heat skips a beat. I wish he wouldn't do that.

Gale lets everyone go ahead of him and stays behind, keeping his eyes on me. "You okay Katniss?" he asks softly.

"Fine," I say, nodding my head, trying to mull over every crazy emotion that's running through my brain right now. This almost seems like nothing in comparison to what I've been subjected to in the arena and yet, I don't know... this seems _so much harder. _I could lose so much more than before, when it was just my life or Peeta's to save. _All of Panem could be subjected to the terrors of these clonos if we don't succeed. _Not to mention that Gale's little brother is back in District 13 on a supremely dangerous mission and then there's Peeta. I don't think he's going to like what I had to say about how I used his feelings for me this whole time. I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to talk to me again. I can feel the sudden tears springing in the backs of my eyes as I contemplate it all and I shake my head fervently to rid myself of them. I'm not going to cry.

"Let's go," I say, beginning the tread upstairs warily.

"Katniss, it's going to be okay. We're going to get out of here. And then, we can all go back to rebuild District 12. We'll make it better than before." Gale says softly behind me. I know he's trying to calm me down, to cheer my thoughts, but instead it's just making it harder for me to breathe. I might not ever be able to set foot back in District 12 for the things I've done. The horrible crimes I'm guilty of.

"Stop talking," I say harshly back and then instantly wish I hadn't. I look back to see his eyes drop to the floor and guilt drowns me. I am such a bad friend. "I didn't mean to be like that," I stammer out. "Just, I want to get this over with." I say, with a big swooping motion of my hands. He nods his head silently back to me and we proceed up the stairs in silence.

When we reach the eighth floor, Johanna grabs the flare from Gale's hand and, with true pleading in her eyes, genuinely asks, "Can I?"

"Go ahead," he says dismissively, handing over a flare and the smoke bombs. He's still hurt by my words and I add his broken feeling to the long list of injustices I've subjected people to. Johanna's eyes, on the other hand, start to sparkle, like she's just been told the most fantastic news on earth, and heads for the door to the floor. Striking the flare like Boggs did, she opens the door and pitches it down the hall along with the smoke bombs, yelling, "Come and get us, you ugly little pieces of trash!"

"Johanna!" I gasp out, appalled with how she addressed them. Odds are, the clonos have no idea who or what they are. Do they?

"What?" Johanna says with a shrug of her shoulders. "They're only tissue and DNA that's been robbed from us. They _aren't _human. Plus, we needed to get their attention."

"I thought that was what the flare was for," I mutter in exchange with her scowl as she roughly brushes past me. So much for our moment of bonding earlier. The fire alarms start to sound and, for a moment, we all stand entranced before we start to run like crazy up the stairs. The elevators won't work once the alarms set off, and the clonos will be forced to find us in the stairwell.

As we race up and up, past the number 10 and nearing number 11, a knife comes searing through the air, right past Finnick's face, and lodges itself into the wall behind him. The clonos have found us. I suck in air between my teeth and send an arrow back down in the direction the knife came from, muttering, "I hope you find your mark," under my breath. A dull thud accompanies my thoughts and I secretly make a note to thank Beetee again for his magical bow and arrows. I hope he lets me keep them.

We race up the last flight of stairs to be warmly greeted by the number 12 and the last flight of stairs that lead to the roof. The place where the clonos need to be. I suddenly, and nervously, wonder to myself what the plan is once the clonos reach us up here. Peeta stands there at the door to the roof, waiting for me to pass through and I linger for a second, remembering the warm sunset from the last time I was up here. When it was just Peeta and I. When I was determined to give my life in exchange for Peeta's. Have things changed? I smile to myself and think, no. I'm still here, fighting to keep him alive.

He must be remembering too because a small smile is playing across his lips and a glint of something flashes across his blue eyes. I forget our purpose for being here, that clonos are chasing us, and I utter out quietly so only he can hear, "I remember the last time we were here."

"As do I," he says playfully back.

Something forbidden and urgent pulls in my chest and I lean in close to him, close enough to brush against his cheek, before I look up and see Johanna's wide eyes watching me. _Ugh! What am I doing?_

I scramble back away from Peeta and through the door, stumbling as I go. I watch as Peeta follows, disappointment spread across his face to match the blush in mine, as he starts to pull himself through the door before he stops. A white pang of terror spread across his face, as he screams out, "Aughh!" and flops to ground on the roof, blood pouring out from his leg where a knife has lodged itself.

"Peeta!" I scream, running over drag him away from the door. Oh no! What just happened?

I reload my bow as Gale and Finnick race over to drag Peeta away. Johanna stands next to me, ready with her ax. The door remains closed. I go over and give it a little tug, then a bigger one, trying to open it, before the realization comes to me. We've locked ourselves up here. "It's locked," I yell over to Gale as Johanna and I back away from it slowly.

I nervously look down at Peeta who has pulled the knife out, warm blood trickling down his leg from the small wound where the knife sunk in. Thankfully, it doesn't look too deep.

"I'm okay," he says, with a grimace on his face. I don't believe him.

"You're not going to be able to jump," I say frantically. There's no way he can put pressure on his leg without it bleeding like crazy. Even if the wound is small.

"I can do it. I'm not that much of a wimp," he says sarcastically.

"I'll help him," Gale says quickly. Peeta and I both look at him with trepidation. "What?" he says. I just shake my head.

Gale, who seems to have suddenly become our medic, kneels over Peeta and quickly wraps a bandage around his leg, securing it with tape. It'll have to do for now. I have no idea why he's being so kind to Peeta. If I hadn't taken so long getting across the threshold of the door, Peeta wouldn't be here bleeding. Again. He's already lost one leg due to me. Again, I'm thankful for Gale to take over my unspoken duties. I'm not sure I could bandage anyone right now.

"Thanks," I say to Gale. He keeps his eyes down and mutters something back to me under his breath. I couldn't exactly hear what he said, but whatever it was it made Peeta smile. My intestines do a flip and I walk away, not wanting to become a part of this Gale/Peeta bonding. It's too weird. I focus instead on my bow and the roof door. Waiting for it to open.

After a good minute of catching our breath and waiting for the door to open, Finnick starts to pace, back and forth. "What are they waiting for?" he mumbles.

"Did Scarlett get the force field down?" I ask. I assume she wouldn't have any problem with that, but I find myself searching in the sky for a chink. Sure enough, just as Johanna steadies herself to throw a rock in the air, I see it. The chink. The field is still on. And, right now, we're trapped on the roof, between a force field and clonos. Oh no. My heart sinks. We haven't led them into a trap as much as we've trapped ourselves.

Johanna's rock comes zinging back at us and hits Finnick on his arm. "Ouch!" he says, through barred teeth. Johanna grins sweetly back at him, like she hasn't done anything, and points at me. What?

"I didn't do it," I swear earnestly, but he just glares at me and walks past. Geez. "Thanks Johanna," I hiss.

"Anytime," she says. I feel like punching her, but I won't. Right now, I feel like hitting anything might make me feel better. I load an arrow into my bow and point it towards the sky.

"DON'T!" A myriad of cries go out and I lower my bow. I wasn't aiming for the chink, I just wanted to let off some steam.

"What?" I say sardonically, glaring at each of them. "You don't really think I'm going to try and hit the chink again, do you?" I roll my eyes at all of them as they stand there, and I sulk back over to the roof door and give it a swift kick. Willing it to open with my mind. What are the clonos waiting for? Did they find Boggs and the others? Do they really have us trapped up here? I swallow hard at our circumstance, wondering just what we're going to do now.

The door rattles back to me in response. I gasp and hear Johanna, Finnick and Gale ready themselves behind me. The door rattles again and my body quivers as I shift a few feet further away. Still, nothing. Seconds tick past and I feel myself counting them out loud. "One, two, three..." The door finally gives one last rattle before it swings open and lands broken, off the hinges. I stagger back as the clonos come pouring out towards us. Knives, spears, axes. Barbaric weaponry, just like what they'd give to us in the arena.

"Katniss! What are you waiting for?" I hear Finnick yell next to me as he plunges a trident through the boy from District 4. From his district. I shake my head and swallow, taking a deep breath, and close my eyes as I fire the first arrow into the boy from District 1. It sinks itself into his neck and I feel bile rising in my throat. I don't think I can do this anymore, but somehow my hands find themselves loading more arrows into the bow. Over and over. We make a tight circle around Peeta, keeping our backs towards him as he yells out instructions like a General.

"Johanna, to your left!"

"Gale! Nine o'clock!"

"Finnick, three feet to the right!"

When the last clono falls, I sink to the ground and count the bodies circled around us. Twelve. Twelve more clonos we've killed. Most of them were armed this time, which makes me feel better for some reason. Justifies the arrows protruding from their broken bodies, I suppose. The thought sickens me and I wrap my hands around my head, not wanting to view the carnage anymore. We need to get off this roof.

"Is the force field down yet?" I say flatly, to nobody in particular. The sound of a pebble sizzling and then being hurdled back towards us is my answer.

"Do we go back down the way we came up?" Johanna asks, sounding rather disappointed. I'm sure she was looking forward to hurtling towards the earth in the death trap of Beetee's tactile suit. I give a sigh of relief mixed with disappointment. I still remember the adrenaline surge from jumping, but glad we won't have to do it here.

"No. We're still going to jump..." Gale says quietly. I look up, puzzled. He waits a few seconds and then says, "Scarlett had to leave the shield up so we could trap the clonos for sure. We didn't want any to escape." He looks sheepishly at me and then back at a grinning Johanna. I swear, she looks like she's just received the best news ever as she gruesomely polishes off the tip of one of her blood-stained axes on her shirt.

Peeta takes a pebble, tosses it around in his hand for a few seconds, and then hobbles towards the edge and throws it. No hiss this time. Only silence and then, eventually, a ping as it hits bottom. My stomach sinks to my feet. Oh no. We're going to jump.

Johanna skips over to the edge, excitement oozing out of her pores. She climbs to the edge and, in a very serious voice, says, "See you on the other side." Then, without warning, she jumps. Gone. Just like that, over the side of the roof. I run to the edge, my mouth still open, and watch as she hurtles towards the ground for a few seconds before regaining her composure and opens her wings, sailing around the building and out of sight.

"Where's she going?" I ask.

"Looks like she's headed to Snow's mansion," Finnick says, his voice tense. Oh. Right. That's where we all need to go next. My body is filled with verve at the thought of sinking an arrow into Snow's chest next and I take a deep breath. I need to collect my arrows before we leave.

Not focusing on faces, I hurriedly scurry around picking arrows out of bodies and haphazardly wiping them off with my hands. There's no time to waste. Bright red stains my hands and arms. I somehow find it appropriate for what comes next. Snow and I will meet, both with the blood of others on our hands. Finally, closure. At least for what has happened in the arenas. It remains to be seen what fun Coin has in mind for me. The thought momentarily side-tracks me and I push it back into the recesses of my brain. I can only deal with one bloodthirsty ruler at a time.

"Penny for your thoughts," Peeta says, as I pass by him, wiping the sticky blood from my palms onto my pants.

"Snow. Dead." It's all I need to say. Peeta's face twists into a contorted image before he picks himself up and hobbles over to the edge of the building.

"I want to be there for it too," he says.

"You can't go. Not with your leg. You'll..." slow us down is what I want to say. Put yourself in unnecessary danger is the next thought that leaps into my mind. But, as I look at his eyes that are normally a light, warming shade of blue I see something dark and angry in them. It frightens me.

"You look the same way when you talk about Snow," he says, his voice steely. "And you're not going without me there. You know I'll follow, no matter what."

I turn around to see the resolve written across his face and sigh. He's so stubborn sometimes.

"Fine. But Snow's mine." I say.

"We'll see who gets to him first," Finnick says, as he leaps off the edge of the building. The thought startles me. Johanna is probably already half there. She's going to beat me to Snow! It unnerves me and I find myself lurching towards the edge.

"Wait!" It's Gale. He comes running over to me. "I need you to help me secure my bow, so I can help Peeta when he needs to land."

My hands have never worked so fast or so furiously. I'm going to be late in getting to Snow! The thought is killing me. I have Gales' bow tied tightly to his back and glance over at Peeta. My heart stops beating.

He's slowly lining the clonos bodies up, together, gently shutting their eyelids and folding their hands. If it weren't for the various gaping wounds and pools of dark blood scattered around their bodies, you could mistake them for sleeping. But that's not what has stopped my blood from running through my body. In my haste to fasten Gales' bow and in Peeta's respect for the dead, none of us have noticed the unwanted intruder. Another clono. But, not just any clono. It's Peeta's clono. I think. Somehow, he's injured his leg too. Or, is he just hobbling to mimic Peeta? Or, is it the clono lining up the dead bodies and Peeta who's limping over towards him? Panic swathes over me. I can't tell!

"Peeta!" I cry out. They both look up at me in that same exasperated way. "Watch out!" Is all I can say. I don't know who to protect from whom. I have my bow and arrow drawn, but I'm not sure where to shoot it at.

"Katniss!" The Peeta walking towards the other Peeta says, who's now slowly backing away from the clonos bodies. "Shoot him!" I look into the blue eyes and then over to the next pair of blue eyes and my hands freeze. What if I shoot the wrong Peeta?

"Don't shoot. It's me, Katniss." Peeta, the one who was just busy aligning the clonos bodies says softly. "You know it's me, don't you?" He questions. I swallow. No. I can't tell. They look so similar.

They both are limping slowly apart from each other yet echoing each others movements towards me. I shoot a nervous glance back at Gale who's desperately trying to get his bow off his back that I fastened just moments ago. There's no way he's getting that off in time to help me. I'm going to have to make the decision. What am I going to do? _What am I going to do?_

"Katniss, please," the Peeta closest to me, the one limping towards me without any blood on his hands, says quietly.

"How do I know it's you?" I say back, my voice cracking on the last syllables.

"Orange. The sunset was orange. I unbraided your hair. I asked you to stay with me..."

"Always," I say quietly.

"Always," he says back, a strained grin across his face.

I look down at my bow, remembering the words Beetee echoed to me, and carefully load an arrow into it. I point it towards the Peeta whose hands are covered with clono blood, and give him a solid look. The arrow tugs tightly against the bow. I swallow quickly and take a deep breath, looking straight into the blue eyes of Peeta's clono, and I can't bring myself to do it. Both Peeta's are advancing on me now, and I back away, towards Gale. I mercifully shove my bow and arrow into his capable hands, saying, "Please. I can't do it." He gives me a quick nod of the head before hastily setting his stance and letting go of the taut arrow. It hits him, the clono Peeta, squarely in the chest and he staggers back a few steps before falling backwards on the ground.

"Peeta!" I say, running towards the other boy. The boy who's slowly limping towards me. The boy with bright blue eyes whose clono Gale just killed. The Peeta I know. My boy with the bread.

"I'm okay Katniss. I'm okay." But my body won't listen to his words. He might be okay, but I'm not. It starts trembling hard, disintegrating when his arms wrap around me, and my inner conscience let's loose, tearing apart at the seams with sobs. I can't believe we just shot Peeta's replica in the chest. I look over at the crumpled body on the ground, the same blond hair tussled from falling, blood spread across the same fingers, the same blond hairs on the arms glistening in the midday sun. My body goes limp at the revelation leaving Peeta with the job of holding me up.

"Katniss!" he cries, sinking down to the ground with me. "It's okay! You did the right thing. That, that _thing _wasn't me. Look at me!" He places his two warm hands on my face, gently guiding my eyes to his, and says, "You had to do that. That clono would have killed you. Me. All of us if you'd let him go. Please, please listen to me."

I want to listen, but my thoughts are interrupted by the voice of another. _My voice. _Oh no. The interview. It's playing on every monitor along every quiet street. It's the only noise you can hear.

"_That locket around your neck" Casear says. _I grab the necklace around me neck. The locket that has the pearl from Peeta encased inside. My good luck charm. I smile weakly at Peeta and my face begins to blush. How embarrassing. I close my eyes as the conversation continues in the air around us.

"_Do you still feel that way?" Caesar asks . _

"_Yes. I need him more than anything." _My voice. The voice that sounds all desperate and breathy and ... oh. My face is on fire. Peeta's mouth is hanging open in a little _O _as he looks down at me with his bright eyes. Eyes that pierce right through my skin and sink into a warm spot in my stomach. I hear my breath catch. I remember what comes next.

"You need me more than anything," Peeta asks. Unbelieving. I swallow hard and gasp for air. I don't really want to have this conversation now. On the roof of the Training Building. In front of Gale.

"Maybe," I concede with a shy shrug of my shoulders. But my voice on the monitor keeps going. Giving me away. I suddenly hate that loose-lipped girl.

_Caear. "If you could say one thing to Peeta right now Katniss, one thing that only he could hear, what would that be?" _Now it's my turn to gape at Peeta. I'm not sure I'm ready for him to hear this. But he's all ears, attentive to the voices circling around us. I hold my breath. Here it comes.

"_I'd ask him to stay with me." _

This is beyond embarrassing. My body is ready to combust. Implode with self-loathing. I can't even bring myself to look at Peeta. But, I don't have to. Somehow, his lips have found mine. Lighting that dark, deep flame deep within my belly. I reciprocate with more vigor that I thought possible. I lose myself for a second.

It's only when I hear the crunching of gravel in front of us that I pull away, gasping for air. Gale comes around to the front of us and clears his voice. He's obviously wishing he were anywhere else than here. I wish he was too. A second round of blushing occurs.

"Katniss. The others are surely at Coin's mansion by now. We need to get off this roof. You don't have to go to see Snow," he glances nervously to Peeta and then back to me. They're already devising a plan to keep me away from Snow's mansion. Away from my own clono. That thought alone starts to clear my mind.

"No. I'm going. Let's go." I say, determined, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I don't know Katniss. Let's just get down to the ground first. One thing at a time," Peeta says.

"I already know what I want, Peeta. And Snow is at the top of my list."

"What's second?" he asks.

I roll my eyes at him and then blow my nose loudly on the hem of my shirt. It's not ladylike, but my nose was running like crazy. He laughs at me and helps me stand up."You're hopeless. You know that?" he says, squeezing my hand and looking at me in only the way he can, making my heart pound. I shake my head in agreement back at him and let out a long sigh. I've known that for a while now.

"Okay. Let's go," Gale says huffily, handing me back my bow. I sling it across my back and step out onto the ledge. I look back only once, into the blue eyes of Peeta who's waiting patiently behind me, and I suddenly feel hopeful. This is all going to end and we're going to have a chance to start over again. Away from Snow. Away from the arena. Everyone is going to get a second chance. It's liberating and I feel much more confident about life than I ever had before.

I take a deep breath and jump off the roof. My destiny awaits.


End file.
